Monthly Archives: April 2013

Evoking Attraction and Chemistry with the Written Word

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As an author who loves to craft stories about relationships; attraction and chemistry are phenomena I spend a lot of time thinking about. For instance, how the energetic pull looks and feels and how I can best communicate it on the page.

When I was in my early 20s, I met a guy out dancing and when we locked eyes, I felt riveted. He was the worst kind of match for me but oh my god, the chemistry was insane. He was a rock star kisser as well which didn’t help matters. However, he was in a really bad place in his life and emotionally unavailable. Our chemistry felt so intense that I could feel him when he entered the club without being able to see him and he always seemed to know what I was thinking.

Years later, I saw him again and I couldn’t even conjure a shred of that crazy attraction I had felt with him. I had grown up and so had he and it just wasn’t there anymore.

I find attraction and chemistry to be baffling at times and very unpredictable. I have had chemistry in the past with men who I didn’t even particularly like and then zero with men who I found very good looking and appealing. It’s amazing to me that getting to know someone can totally change their appearance to me for the good or the bad.

At other times in my life there have been people who I really liked and enjoyed but found zero chemistry and I mean that for physical attraction but sometimes with friendship chemistry as well. A woman not long ago moved into our community and we hit it off instantly, quickly finding a place where we could share the REAL stuff that we are dealing with in life. It seems like we’ve been friends for years and at the same time there are many people I have known for years and have forged no real connection.

Luckily for me, I still feel incredible chemistry with my husband. That seems to die out for many people in long-term relationships but I would have to venture a guess that attraction wanes as the connection wanes. For us, we grow closer and more connected as time passes and we get to share more of life’s adventures together.

I believe attraction, chemistry and/or connection aren’t always a rational process. I think they live outside of the realm of the conscious mind.

I have often wondered if wild and crazy attraction is couple with an emotionally bad mix. I played with that very notion in the My Body Trilogy.

For me, humor, intelligence, affection, creativity, transparency and openness really attracts me to the people in my life. What about you? What attracts you or pulls you in? Have you had experiences with crazy chemistry?

This blog was inspired by an English friend I know who finds laughter to be one of most attractive aspects of a woman. Thanks Rupert for the suggestion. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

The Oral Dance

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As an erotica writer, I’m fascinated by what turns people on and off regarding sex. I’ve heard from many guy friends over the years that their spouses or girlfriends don’t like to go “downtown” and I’m left to wonder why. Short of men not taking care of their hygiene, I don’t see why any woman would pass on giving head (an odd name … should it not be giving mouth?).

The “blowjob” is slang for oral sex, the act of putting an erect throbbing penis into one’s mouth for the purpose of causing a major eruption. It’s a rather silly name when you think about it. There’s no blowing and I don’t see the work involved. The only work comes when I’m crafting an enticing scene where a woman is orally pleasuring her man (or vice versa). Oral pleasure isn’t such a bad nickname. Fellatio isn’t bad either but somehow I can imagine it throwing someone out of the fantasy of a sex scene (although I do use it on occasion). For me fellate sounds more like a cooking technique.

I have also been told there is a discernible difference between a woman who enjoys giving a blowjob and one who doesn’t. The man knows. I can’t imagine that it’s very sexy to have your partner go down on you when they would really rather not.

A huge part of satisfying sex is communication (as I keep preaching) and the knowledge of what turns on your better half. Ask your partner what they like. Does he like it when you suck the head really hard or would he rather have you swirl your tongue around the rim? Maybe he likes all sorts of techniques, so mix it up.

We can’t finish this topic without talking about cum, sperm, spunk, ejaculate, etc. I’ve heard that many people do not care to swallow. There was an interesting poll on Goodreads asking, what do you think of spunk in your erotic reading and it made me realize that in my erotica, cum is always captured by an orifice. The majority of responses fell into the category of cum landing on the back or chest. I’ll have to consider that in future writings. I think it’s sexy when a person loves the taste and smell of their partner.

Sucking cock is a fine art and I encourage every person with interest to find a way to enjoy satisfying your partner AND yourself in this way. It can be an incredible turn on for the giver too.

I am curious and would love to hear from you folks who don’t enjoy giving head (mouth). What are your reasons for not appreciating the oral dance? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Come on you can do it. Share your story with us.

Thanks for reading.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

Unsolicited Advice

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An indie writer and I became friendly online and I anxiously awaited the release of her first book. I planned to review it for her but once I started it I knew I could not. I barely made it halfway through the first read. I desperately wanted to be supportive of her writing but found the manuscript poorly edited and the characters underdeveloped. She knew I was reading her work and I didn’t quite know how to best handle the situation. In hindsight, I probably should have kept my opinion to myself, but instead told her what I thought she could do to improve her story. She has never spoken to me since.

It’s plenty easy to find people who will tell you how good you are but not so easy to find someone to tell you the truth. Since writing is our product and most of us aspire to make a living at it, an honest opinion is the only way a storyteller can improve. Let me be clear that I’m not talking about the story itself but the proficiency of writing the tale.

You might have concluded that I have learned my lesson from the above experience but in an effort to truly support fellow writers, most especially indie writers, I’m going to go out on a limb and do it once again. What I am about to say is not from on-high as a writer but as an avid reader of fiction. When I read, I get lost in another world and will consume the story as if living on the written word and not come up for air until finished. That is if the book is well written and captivating.

I recently started to read two books that I downloaded from Amazon.  Although I am traditionally published, I support all authors equally and hoped to offer some positive reviews of the books as requested. Both seemed edited okay but each broke the cardinal rule of good story telling: SHOW DON’T TELL. I gave the authors 20 pages to draw me in and it did not happen.  In neither book did I meet the antagonist or find out the conflict of the story. You can chalk it up to preference and maybe that’s all that it comes down to but there are certain fundamentals that I think all writers should aspire to.

As a reader, I want to be drawn into the novel immediately. Please don’t pack the beginning of your book with backstory. You can intersperse the pertinent information as you’re getting on with the real story. Help me understand, in the first few pages, who the protagonist is and what makes him or her different and why I should care about them and what they’re experiencing in relationship to the antagonist.

Have your book professionally edited. Traditional publishing usually includes professional editing and indie authors, in my opinion, should aspire to the same standards. If at some point in my career, I decide to independently publish or my husband does, I promise you, we will get our work edited.

Not everyone will like any one story, even the ones that sell millions of copies so it’s easy to blow off my advice which is your right and prerogative, but don’t.  I know people don’t want to be stuck in the editing process forever but writing a great work of fiction does take many steps and I think we fail our audience when we rush it.

Will I offer unsolicited advice on a personal basis again?  Probably not.  I know in my heart my intent was good and pure but I lost a budding friendship in the process.

I’m still hunting for that newly published novel that blows me away so I can post a review of the story right here on my blog.

Come back next week to read my lighter blog on blowjobs. 😉

Please share your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakely Bennett

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

Aging and Writing

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Picture me cleaning the house, headphones on, music thrumming in my ears as I belt out the tune. That’s when this blog came to me. Why, you might ask, did my brain formulate a blog on aging while I jammed to my tunes scrubbing the bathroom? Well, I’ll tell you. It partially had to do with the string of songs that played: Take it to the house by Trick Daddy, Savior by Rise Against, Already Gone by Crossfade, Stop this Train by John Mayer (I could go on but I won’t). My sixteen year old daughter and I have very similar taste in music and as I continued to sway and wipe, I recalled what my mother has often said, “I still feel twenty-five inside.” As a young woman, I didn’t really understand what she meant.

As a kid, adulthood stood as a far off magical place where decisions would become clearer and life easier. Now, as a woman in my forties, I understand the meaning of my mother’s sentiment. I too feel the same way, but I would say I feel more like twenty. 🙂 You will be happy to note that the illusion of adulthood has long ago been shattered and I understand that living a full life at any age comes with its challenges and rewards.

There are moments when I’m reminded that I’m NOT that young woman anymore. Although I still love to dance for hours on end, my body lets me know that grooving barefoot on a hard cement floor comes at a price.  I always think it’s worth it the day after, especially if I stretch when I’ve finished boogieing.

My husband often says that aging is a flawed system because as you grow wiser, your body grows crankier and that life is exceedingly too short. I sort of halfway agree.  I’m rather looking forward to the day, when I’m in my 60s (I’m guessing), that my appearance will matter a lot less and what people think of me or my writing won’t matter at all (Okay, maybe that last part is just plain delusion).

My husband and I just watched, Starting Out in the Evening on Sundance, which is a movie about an aging author, rather appropriate given what’s been on my mind and although I tend to shy away from slow plotting films, this one was wrought with sexual tension that kept me interested. One particular section of the movie, where the author talks about the writing process really moved me.  He discussed how he starts with a character and then follows the protagonist around, to find out more about him or her and what will happen. I can completely identify with that process. He also said that because he is older, it’s harder to follow and stay engaged than when he was a younger man.

The narrative of the movie told about the older writer in relationship with a twenty-five year old grad student that had decided to write her thesis about him and his novels.  I would guess him to be in his eighties and obviously conflicted about their age difference. He had published four books in total and had been working on his fifth for ten years. I won’t give anymore of the story away other than to say that I don’t think we, as authors, stop caring what our readers think of our work, no matter how old.

In Stephen King’s On Writing, he mentioned that he has less stamina for writing than he did in the early days.  Maybe I will find this true as I get older but I believe that when the tidal wave of the story takes over, I will be typing as fast as ever to stay afloat.

As an author myself, writing is my art and I hope it translates to other people regardless of my age. It’s so very rewarding when my readers are truly moved by my words and “get it” (“Get it”, is defined by seeing it the way I do. If they don’t, that is okay too unless they compare me to 50 Shades of Grey which is a different genre and then I want to scream. Sorry for the aside which should probably be another blog and might morph into one in the future. 😉 ).

I, so very turned on by the written word, intend to keep writing until I’m too old to type another letter.  At least that’s the plan.

Please share your viewpoint on aging and writing because I always love to hear from my readers and other authors.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

Pleasure and Pain

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As a writer that explores the mixing of pleasure and pain, I’m fascinated by the mechanisms in the body that dictate what will turn us on or motivate us to the extremes.  My husband and I just recently caught a show on PBS called Pleasure and Pain that I highly recommend if you are intrigued by such things.

During the course of the show, they interviewed many people and asked what gives them the most pleasure in life?  There were a wide variety of answers and sex, of course, got a lot of votes but not the most.

Neurochemicals in our brain determine whether or not we find pleasure in an activity.  When it comes to food, according to the show, many of us eat past the point of pleasure, overriding the signals to stop.  I know I am guilty of this, especially when it comes to chocolate and dessert.  Pleasure is transient and can turn into pain if overindulged.

The desire for sex is biologically strong because as a species, we must reproduce.  Dopamine, the chemical of desire, causes the heart to beat faster and the sensation of touch to heighten.  On the ride up to the peak we are flooded with endorphins that send us over the edge to explosion.  As we float back down to earth on a cocktail of serotonin and prolactin, our dopamine levels fall leaving us relaxed and sleepy.  My favorite high is definitely the aftermath of orgasm.

So as I watched the show, I wondered what in life gives me the most pleasure and I even asked my husband.  He said, “Sex of course.”  My response, “If we’re talking about peak experiences that are short lived, then yes, I would definitely have to say sex but if we are sharing about a more sustained feeling of happiness, I have to say love, being in love, loving you.”  Good love adds so much pleasure to life, even during the moments when you aren’t together.  Nothing beats that for me and he agrees.

Why do we sometimes find pleasure in pain?  It’s easy to focus on the sex aspects given that I have explored BDSM within the My Body Trilogy.  However, just the other day, I asked my husband why he thinks I put myself into situations that scare me (Live interview, book signings, etc.) but do them anyway.  He said he thought for me it was akin to riding a huge scary rollercoaster, which I love, and that I get pleasure from living on the edge.

One of the main reasons people can find pleasure in pain has to do with the release of endorphins that flood the system, the very same ones that I mentioned that rush us over the edge to orgasm.  I can only assume that people’s tolerance for pain must correlate with the timing of the biochemical release and maybe even the intensity of the flooding of the brain.

I know for Jane, in the My Body Trilogy, the excitement that comes with the pushing of her boundaries and her pain tolerance, heightens the intensity of her orgasms.  I believe it works that way for some people in real life.

So have you guessed what might be the most common answer on the pleasure questionnaire? The third most common answer … food and drink, second answer … drum roll please … SEX (not surprising I should think) and finally, the number one answer and clear winner – family and loved ones.

The order didn’t surprise me much as it fell in line with my personal pleasures.  What is your greatest pleasure and is it something that you can easily experience or obtain?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.