Monthly Archives: May 2013

Blakely’s Friday Interview with Darlene Kuncytes

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92682d8e85ea0ac1d188dc.L._V372479113_SX200_Please give a warm welcome to Darlene Kuncytes, author of A Vampire’s Saving Embrace. She is brave enough to be my very first author interview. Thanks, Dar. 🙂

Tell us a bit about yourself and what you’re currently working on or promoting.
I am promoting my first book. “A Vampire’s Saving Embrace” and working on Book 2 of the series. Although this book totally stands on its own. Book 2 is the story of two of the secondary characters you will meet in book 1. I had people beg me to write their story next – so I just had to.
What genre is your book? Do you write in other genres as well? It’s a paranormal romance – heavy on the romance! Lol! Yes, I have also done an outline for a Suspense/Romance that is not paranormal.
Who or what inspires you? Life inspires me. Daydreams, music – people.
Has a dream every inspired any of your stories? Yes! Totally! Lol! I will have a dream and wake up thinking “Whoa – what an awesome idea!”
Do you have an agent and/or publisher or are you self-published? If self-published, do you use a professional editor? If traditionally published, who is your publisher? I am self-published, but Linda Boulanger is my cover artist and helped with the editing. She is awesome!
What advice do you have for writer’s just starting out? Never give up! And read and re-read everything! lol
Do you set writing goals and if so, what are they? I don’t. I don’t ever want to feel pressured. I think that takes away from the story I’m trying to tell if I am forcing myself. It has to flow for me, and there is no controlling that.
What does your writing space look like? A mess!
Do you have any writing rituals or interesting writing quirks? Not really, I just need a cup of coffee at my side – and I do LOVE sitting outside at night writing. I love that peace and quiet.
What are your three favorite books including the authors? Wow, there are so many. Stephen King’s – The Shining and Salem’s Lot. John Saul -Suffer the Children (I did a book report on that book in the 6th grade – needless to say the class and teacher were a bit shocked! But, in my defense my teacher did tell me that my reading was so advanced that I could pick out any book I wanted to read, and do a report on. Lol) Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
What project are you currently working on? Book two in my series. “A Wolf’s Savage Embrace” I am hoping to launch that in August. I actually have a few Facebook Stalkers that are hounding me for it!! lol!! And I LOVE it!
Is being an author your dream job? If so, how long have you been chasing the dream? If not, what would be your dream job? It is totally my dream job! I have always loved writing and have dreamed of being an author since I can remember – so this has been number one on my bucket list forever!
What has been your best moment as a writer? My first review by someone that I didn’t know, and it was awesome! What a thrill! It gave me chills to hear them say that they fell in love with my characters and couldn’t wait for more.
What challenges have you faced in your writing career? Time. I work full time and there never seems to be enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. But it’s all good!
Do you see yourself in any of your characters? To a point I do – in all of them. They come from my heart and soul, so yes; there are responses and actions that are completely me. And there might be a little of my exes here and there, lol – but not much.
What do you do when you’re not writing? Read, cook, swim. I foster and rescue puppymill dogs.
How much time a day do you spend on social media? Much too much! 😉 I couldn’t even guess – but it’s a lot!
What do you do to stay sane as a writer? Who says I’m sane?? Lol!! But I take breaks, drink coffee and listen to music.
Do you read your reviews and if so, how do you cope with a bad one?
I have been lucky in the sense that I haven’t really gotten a super bad one yet, but I was in tears when I read the first one that said it was eh. But I am working on thickening my skin.
What has been the toughest criticism given to you as an author? What has been the best compliment? That a character said something WAY too much, when it was only said like 3 times. The best has been a woman that said she couldn’t BREATHE during a scene, that it was beyond amazing, and I didn’t use any of her “hate words”. And that she loved, loved, loved the book! And then said – Oh, and did I mention that I LOVED it! That just made my day!

I have found the writer’s community to be very supportive and welcoming.  Please share three writers that you recommend:

Donna Hawk, Virginia McKevitt, and M.C. Lavocat

Please be sure to become Darlene Kuncytes’s fan on Facebook, Twitter and check out her Author’s pages on Amazon and Goodreads!

Click below to buy A Vampire’s Saving Embrace

Darlene

Love Languages

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Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. Although I am not an advocate of self-help books in general, I do think this one has important knowledge that can help make relationships better, especially in the case where each spouse or partner has a different love language.

The 5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation (which I think of as appreciation)
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

I don’t believe we fit neatly into one category or at least I know that my husband and I don’t. So here is my list in order of importance.

5ll_icon-affirmationWords of Affirmation would have to be my #1 and my 2 & 3 are pretty equal which are Quality Time and Physical Touch, 4th is Acts of Service and lastly Receiving Gifts. My husband’s #1 is Physical Touch and his 2 & 3 are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

So why is any of this important to a relationship? Well I think most of the time people give the love language they want to receive instead of the love language their partner needs. For instance, if physical touch is your love language but your partner’s love language is acts of service, they will feel like they are showing you love every time they make you a cup of coffee but you are left wishing for more hugs, cuddling, and sex.

There is real value in knowing what your partner needs to feel loved. In my case my husband and I have similar needs in this regard so it makes it easier for us to get our needs met but what happens when your love languages are very different? In that case I think there is more effort involved but the knowledge can make a huge difference in the success of any relationship. When love languages differ, it can be the ultimate demise of the relationship if one or both parties don’t feel like they are getting what they need.

I’m left pondering whether a good match is when people have similar love languages. Do you think someone who craves words of affirmations can be satisfied with someone who buys gifts as their love language?

That reminds me of a boyfriend I had early on. He was amazing at buying gifts. He would buy things just because and to surprise me. I didn’t know it then, but that was clearly his love language. My love language was Words of Affirmation and the need for a deep connection. Ultimately we didn’t really match up for the long-term.

I want to add another love language to the list. For me when someone is willing to open themselves up and share their inner most thoughts, that really moves me. I would like to add a #6 and call it Deep Sharing and Vulnerability. Not sure where it would fall on my list, but it would definitely rank high.

Maybe part of the reason for affairs is about finding the right love language elsewhere, when their spouse shows love in another way. I believe we truly need our love language to be happy.

I have a friend whose love language is words of affirmation, but he himself has a hard time sharing words of appreciation with others. I find it interesting that we could need a particular love language that we ourselves don’t know how to speak.

Here is the link to more information about this topic. 5lovelanguages

I truly appreciate that my followers are loving, kind, smart, and wonderful people.  Now I fully expect to hear from all those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation. 😉

Care to share your love language? I would enjoy hearing from you.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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How Important is Context and Punctuation?

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VERY!  Moreover, this has become even clearer to me as of late, so I wanted to share with you something that recently happened.  I found the experience rather hysterical (afterwards) and you should have seen the expression on my husband’s face.

Here’s my story:

My writer friend, Leanna Harrow, wrote a very funny post about chocolate and with her permission, I’m sharing it with you:

Me: Mmmmm…I’m going to eat one of those…
Myself: You don’t need one of those…
I: Oh! Can I have one too?
Me: No you can’t! I’m going to eat one! I’m sick of listening to myself, I’m always listening to myself, doing the right thing, being nice, eating the “right” things. ENOUGH! I’m going to treat myself regardless what anyone thinks…I deserve it!
Myself: That’s a selfish and self-serving attitude…what’s with you? You’re not usually like this.
I: She’s getting her period…

Myself: Oh God! Then we should eat the whole box and shut her the hell up.

So I commented under her funny post: LMAO! Let me have one!

When I’m checking my email later, I see a comment from Leanna but there’s no context to it and my husband reads it over my shoulder. It says: Did you not hear how selfish she is Author Blakely Bennett??? She’s a real bitch…and not the Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charming Honest kind! Lol

Without the context of the story and my quote, it seems like a horrible slam against me and yet in the correct context, it’s hysterical.

As for punctuation? Punctuation is as important as context to understanding the meaning. I had a brief stint in an online writers group where there was a lot of talk about editing and punctuation and how the standards, for many of the participants, didn’t matter.  Well they matter to me and here’s a good illustration of why:

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Enough said?  Maybe not. 🙂 lol! Editing is an important function in a great story. Grammar and punctuation are the framework for expressing your narrative in a clear and enjoyable manner. You never want to throw your reader out of the story because of strange context or bad grammar.  At least, I surely don’t.

Thanks to Leanna for allowing me to share her Facebook post (very funny stuff).  As always, everyone loves to read your comments and hear about your experiences. Take a moment and let us hear from you.  What’s the weirdest comma dysfunction you have seen? Make us laugh!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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The Visualization of a Writer’s Narrative – Two Movie Recommendations

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Disclaimer: If you enjoy the typical movies of Hollywood, you should probably pass on this blog post.  However, if you like new and original stories you haven’t seen before or a unique twist on an old one, then stay tuned.

The first movie that I highly recommend is called The Music Never Stopped. A couple’s son disappears for years and once he is found, they discover he has brain damage that has caused memory loss. They ultimately find that music is a way to reach him. The actors are brilliant; the story totally unique.

I really loved this movie. We are immersed in the family’s past via songs and the son telling of his youthful memories and in this way, his father gets to really know the son he’d never known (and himself) in the process.

I personally find that Hollywood has been regurgitating the same movies, often bad, over and over again. I’m not a fan of superhero movies, war movies, and stupid comedies. Lately there hasn’t been much of anything that has inspired us to go out and see something in the theatre. As a story teller, I really pay attention and get inspired when someone takes me on a journey I’ve never experienced before, a different kind of life that is totally unpredictable.

The second movie, maybe not as original as the first, is called The Scapegoat which has some flavor of the Prince and the Pauper with a real twist. This picture is set in the UK in 1952 where a teacher named John Standing, who just lost his job, runs into his Doppelgänger Johnny Spence who is a failed businessman, in a motel bar. Johnny proceeds to get John drunk and then steals all of his belongings, leaving John with his own and there the drama begins.

Why this particular movie moved me is simple to explain. Most films follow the protagonist and their evolution. However in this film, because the protagonist is now a different person and most of the people in his life don’t know, we get to see how the other characters evolve in reaction to the “changed” man. I love this twist.  In this film we get to experience several character arcs.

For me, the worst criticism I could receive would be that my stories are predictable. Selfishly, when I write, I want to experience something new and different and as I follow my character’s lead, they tend to surprise the hell out of me. Fortunately, my readers feel the same. So when it comes to movies, I want to be surprised and intrigued and to see something new or at least in a new way. The Music Never Stopped and The Scapegoat did that for me and I found them both on Netflix streaming.

Have you seen these movies? I would love to read what you thought of them. Have you seen anything recently that you really enjoyed? Please share with us.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Our Own Worst Critics

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Not long ago, my husband and I had a discussion about how I perceive myself and my body in contrast to how he perceives me. During that discussion, I truly wished that I could see myself through his eyes. Even for an hour, if I could see myself the way he sees me, I believe it would change my world forever.

Recently on my Facebook wall, I had the opportunity to read a poem that spoke to that very phenomenon so perfectly for me. Please follow this link to read the poem called Within by Michael Peter Smith aka Mikeywine:  http://mikeywine.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/within/

In addition, my wonderful step-daughter V, posted this incredible video where an artist sketches women based on their verbal description of themselves from behind a curtain and then based on another person’s take of them, someone whom they met just briefly. Call me sappy but the short video made me cry and I hope you’ll check it out as well: http://www.wimp.com/forensicartist/

Let me ask you why, as women, are we our harshest self-critics? I’m sure some men are as well but my general experience with the male gender is that they don’t waste much time wishing they would show up differently or that their bodies looked better. Why don’t we find satisfaction with our own uniqueness?

For myself, my weight fluctuated in my younger days and that had an impact on how I felt about myself on any given day. Fortunately the up and down of 50 lbs. has been reduced down to a 10-15 lbs. yo-yo depending on the season and my internal motivation. I don’t find it odd that we care about how we look since our appearance is what we present to the world, however, I must say, I’m looking forward to the day that my weight matters far less in my own self-evaluation.

In the My Body Trilogy, Jane’s view of herself changes and evolves through her character arc. Her mother often referred to her as Plain Jane in her childhood and that was the image she carried of herself until she met Luke and then Marcello.

As authors, being critiqued is unavoidable, and now anyone with Wifi can fancy themselves an anonymous expert. It’s imperative for our peace of mind that we maintain positive regard for ourselves and our work in the face negative criticism.

I know for me, early rejection as a child definitely affected how I viewed myself but as an adult I’d like to think I have something to say about how I perceive me, my life, and my writing.

At any rate, I plan to adopt my husband’s view, he who adores me and thinks I’m the coolest woman he knows. 🙂  Thanks love.

Are you a harsh self-critic?  Has your opinion of yourself evolved over time?  How do you handle negative reviews of your writing?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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