Category Archives: Author’s Blog Posts

The Importance of a Great Book Cover

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Why_I_Married_a_Murderer-FINAL_E-book_cover-640x1024Several times I’ve encountered people discussing book covers on Facebook groups or on someone’s timeline. Each time I’m shocked to find people downplaying the importance of a great cover.

We readers are visual people and make assessments based on what we see.

To the left is a cover that totally caught my attention the first time I saw it. She’s a new friend and reader of my novels. The cover is still a work in progress (she plans to make her name larger) but I thought it was an excellent example of the importance of really capturing the readers attention. Click the cover to check out Teresa’s website and information on her upcoming book release.

Another friend, who recently came to visit, made an excellent analogy. She is a foodie and wine connoisseur and she explained how she goes about selecting a new wine. She scans the labels until one peaks her interest and then she picks it up and reads about its contents. Sound familiar?

The cover really matters!

Another great example is websites. If I’m considering using a new vendor and they have an unappealing home page, I pass on them and move on.  That’s their cover.

A few months ago I attended a conference about self-publishing. Several VERY successful (millionaire) indie authors (some traditionally published as well) and authors of The Naked Truth About Self-Publishing, stressed three things that are most important for success in our publishing endeavors:

  1. Write a great story and get it professionally edited.
  2. Write series because that keeps your fans coming back for more.  AND
  3. Pay for a professional cover.  They stressed this point!

My husband and I are currently reading through their book and we highly recommend it.

This topic is on my mind today because we’ve finalized the cover for a novel that my husband and I wrote together. I can’t speak for other authors, but for me, my covers are my most successful marketing tool. My covers elicit the reader’s interest, compelling them to read the blurb and potentially buy the book.

Please don’t let people convince you that the cover is not important and that you can just slap something together in word or Photoshop, because unless you are a visual artist, it will look like something you, the author, whipped up.

Here’s to elevating our craft to the highest level possible.

I would love to read your thoughts on my blog post.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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The Female Orgasm

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OrgasmA long time male friend of mine and I have this ongoing debate about the female orgasm. According to him, almost all of his lovers have been able to orgasm vaginally and if you do the math, either he is extraordinarily lucky or has a wonder-schlong or a good percentage of the women were faking it. I believe and have expressed adamantly, that most of the women must have been faking it.

From several different sources I have found roughly the same statistic. 70%-80% percent of woman CANNOT have orgasms from intercourse alone. I, myself, fall into this category. In addition, several sources repeated this same sad statistic that 10-15 percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm at all. Continue reading →

Whaaaaaat? Self Pleasure Over Intimacy?

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Man masturbatingI find it incredibly fun to discover something I had absolutely no idea about, especially when I also find it baffling.

Did you know that some men sometimes PREFER masturbating over having sex? I had to wrap my brain around that one. I can’t imagine preferring to masturbate over having sex and my husband concurs (thanks honey!).

So I was chatting online with a friend from England and he told me this gem of information. I thought it might just be him, that men in general couldn’t possibly feel that way. Me being me, I decided to check it out and I was blown away that several other men said the same thing.

Sometimes they would rather watch porn and ride the edge of orgasm than have sex with their wives. Maybe that is saying something about their sex lives at home, but I’m just guessing. One man said that the sex with his wife had become so routine (her choice) that sometimes he would rather play on his own and search for the perfect porn to watch. Another man said that he likes to look at pictures and make it last a long time. Another guy said that masturbation is a way for him to act out his true desires because his wife is repressed.

I am happy to say that more than half the men I spoke to said they would much rather have sex than masturbate. Since I had assumed it was a given, I still find it shocking that men would rather jerk off than make love, fuck or have sex with a partner.

I do wonder if it’s the same for women. That’s definitely something to ponder.

As a writer, I’m always on the hunt for new word choices to describe the sex act and our private parts. I wrote a rather funny blog, at least I think so anyway, about words for the female anatomy which you can find here: Pussy Willow

When it comes to masturbation, I believe it’s a healthy outlet and a great way to learn about your body so you can teach what you like to others. There are lots of interesting terms to describe the act. For instance (A big thanks to my friends from the Naught Book Club for helping me with my list!):

1. Hand job
2. Five knuckle shuffle
3. Jerking off
4. Rubbing one out
5. Playing with yourself
6. Flying solo
7. Beating off
8. Diddle
9. Jacking off
10. Jilling off (Thanks Amber)
11. Pet the pussy
12. Wank
13. Slap the salami
14. Choke the Chicken
15. Wack the sack
16. Shooting off
17. Friggin’
18. Popping your nuts
19. Rosey Palm and her five sisters
20. Cranking the shaft
21. Spanking the monkey
22. Polishing the pole

As you can see the list could be endless. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.

No matter what we call it, I believe it’s a wonderful release we can give to ourselves. And as long as it doesn’t become an all-consuming activity, I say, “Yank the pud, fer sure.”

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Blakely’s interview with Jane from the My Body Trilogy

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MyBodyTrilogyThis week I’m sharing a blog post from my previous blog tour.  It’s one of my favorites. Check out my interview with Jane.

Blakely: I’m very excited to interview you, Jane. It’s like a wonderful visit with an old friend.

Jane: Yes, we have been joined at the hip for quite a while now. 😉

Blakely: Without giving too much away (we wouldn’t want to spoil it for our readers) how are you doing these days?

Jane: Life is truly wonderful. I no longer look upon my past with shame and regret. I thankfully survived it all and came out stronger, happier and healthier on the other side. Nothing can compete with good love.

Blakely: Are you ready to dive into the interview?

Jane: Sure.

Blakely: Many of our readers and fans have a hard time understanding why you stayed so long with Luke. Can you explain it to them?

Jane: Luke provided an intense passion and connection that I never experienced before and when he was “good Luke” nothing in the world could touch the elation I felt from his touch and attention. Just his mere kiss caused me to melt. Unfortunately, there were two definite sides to him and he could be very cold and cruel. Like many woman who stay in unhealthy relationships, I thought if I could just do things “right”, I would live in bliss with him. Eventually my whole world was wrapped around Luke , his life; and it seemed like dying to be apart from him. We ultimately weren’t good for each other and I can see the part I played in our crazy dance. Looking back, I believe my poor relationships with my parents might have driven my desperation to make it work. I have wondered that if my father had been there for me the day that I called, would I have gone back to Luke? There’s no way to know now but it surely didn’t help my state of mind at the time.

Blakely: With the benefit of hindsight now, do you think your relationship with Luke was abusive as opposed to an alternative lifestyle? If so, at what point was that line crossed for you?

Jane: I think there were abusive moments through the course of the relationship but there were also large segments of time where his harsher tendencies took a back seat. This is a tricky question for me. I don’t have a vast amount of experience in the lifestyle but Marcello was pretty clear that Luke screwed things up in regards to me and my first forays into a Dom/sub relationship. The crossing the line bit is even harder to answer because that invisible line kept being pushed further and farther away from who I knew myself to be. The hardest crossing was when Luke sent me to Marcello’s which I adamantly fought against.

Blakely: Do you think Luke did the BDSM relationship the right way? Many of our readers were upset about how he used the so-called “safe words”.

Jane: I am positive that there are many different ways to have a Dom/sub relationship. Just through my talks with Janice and her experience, all of her BDSM relationships were different. I don’t think there is only one right way to go about it. However, the safe words with Luke were nothing of the kind and he should have called them something else.

Blakely: Do you feel that you really are a submissive or just masqueraded as one to please Luke?

Jane: This question made me laugh! My body unquestionably loves the submission. I wouldn’t say I was masquerading to please Luke but I did lose myself along the way trying to please him. I’m definitely NOT a natural submissive but sexually, it surely causes the most intense orgasms. 😉

Blakely: Do you think monogamy or children will be important to you at some point?

Jane: Absolutely to both.

Blakely: Do you foresee a positive relationship with either of your parents or has that ship sailed as far as you’re concerned?

Jane: My mother goes through a metamorphosis in My Body-Mine so read to find out about that.

Blakely: How did you feel being the object of desire for two men and a woman?

Jane: It completely changed the concept I held of myself. When you have two parents who don’t seem to like you very much, it definitely shapes your outlook on yourself. They (Luke, Janice, and Marcello) helped me to feel more desirable and Marcello encouraged me to feel more deserving of love.

Blakely: Who has been your most incredible lover?

Jane: Blakely, don’t you think that’s giving a bit too much away? They still need to read My Body-Mine!

Blakely: Yes, I guess you’re right. One last question then?

Jane: Yes, because you-know-who is waiting for me. 😉

Blakely: I’ll be quick. Do you think you will share your story with our readers about you-know-who and your future?

Jane: The trilogy is complete but I’ve heard rumors that you might right a prequel, Blakely, about Janice and Luke.

Blakely: Anything is possible but we shall see. Thank you, Jane, for your honest and open answers. I’m sure our readers appreciated your time.

The Best Advice I Never Took … Until Now

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image.axdIf you’re like me, you’ve probably read books on writing and listened to the advice from long time authors. If so, then you also know that the prevailing wisdom is to let your baby go and write another book. Even after finishing the last book in the My Body Trilogy, My Body-Mine, I couldn’t let my three book baby go.

To really release your baby, you must start another project and I recently have. It has worked wonders for my psyche. Since starting my latest story, I no longer worry about the reviews for the trilogy or stress over the sales (all which have been going remarkable well). As soon as I adopted my new baby called Stuck In-Between, the first novel in the Bound by Your Love Series, I have a new love … a new obsession. Damn is it freeing!

Juggling the promoting of the trilogy blog tour, writing for my blog, editing, hosting author interviews (please email me if you’re interested) and keeping up with the demands of social media, I became a marketeer and lost touch with the joyful parts of being an author. For me that’s getting lost in a new story that literally flows through me to the computer page.

I had an epiphany that if I’m not creating, or balancing all that needs to be done with the parts of being a writer that I love, then I could be back in corporate American because the stress was feeling eerily familiar.

So now I bow to the wisdom of the sages in our industry and make sure to be working my art at least as much as promoting.

There is still so much knowledge to be absorbed, like the most effective way to use twitter and other social media outlets. I want the time spent to really count, but that means making time to read and investigate. Fortunately, my husband has been reading through the Naked Truth (about self-publishing) and reading lots of it out loud to me, which is expanding my thinking about how to approach being in business for myself.

Other advice I have read is that an author must also be an avid reader. You hone your craft by being inspired by other great writers. I’ve been making more time to read as well as write. I’m still old school and love to hold the book in my hands. Maybe someday I will graduate to the eBook world of reading but so far, let me hear the rustling of the pages.

It’s not quite ten months since I’ve been able to call myself a published author. It’s been a whirlwind when I look back on it. My Body-His came out November 15, 2012, My Body-His (Marcello) came out March 15, 2013 and My Body-Mine, July 15, 2013. Every day the dream comes more into focus and I’m learning so much in the process.

I was chatting with a new friend on Facebook and I shared my own sage advice. You are never too old to chase your dream. I’m sure glad I never gave up on mine.

Have you moved on? Are you working your new project right now? Share your realizations with us. That’s the support and the wisdom all writers cherish.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Obstacle or Blessing?

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JettaHybrid0039Our daughter just received her driver’s license and it’s been an interesting journey.  Unlike me, who took to driving immediately, jumping at any opportunity to practice, our daughter hated driving right off the bat. I was convinced, for a short bit that she would never take to it.  In her mind, the dangers of driving were/are very real and making a mistake could be costly.

Unlike learning a language, which is her real passion, where she can get a translation wrong with no real consequences, learning to drive and making an error could cost lives. I can’t fault her for her reasoning at all.

She took her mandatory driver’s ed class last summer and didn’t drive much over the following school year. I would offer often and she had a plethora of excuses: I’m too tired, I don’t feel well, I’m too stressed, etc. We decided as a family not to pressure her but discussed her practicing over this summer before her learners permit expired.

For me, I was rather a speed demon and the day I could have my driver’s license, on my sixteenth birthday, I got it.

It was rather amazing to witness her transformation from a scared, unsure driver to one with far more confidence.  As we kept reminding her, some things require a lot of practice to master and driving is one of those things.  I asked her what changed for her and this is what she told me:

After a weekend at our cabin by the lake, she drove us home out of the mountains.  It’s a very scenic drive of winding roads and stellar mountain views.  She said that for the first time, she really enjoyed driving.  She felt relax as she drove us down the mountain.

As my husband pointed out to me as we went through this process, one thing that is very consistent with our daughter is that when something ‘clicks’ for her, she’s all over it. She’s turned into a great driver and I trust that she will always be cautious and not take the privilege for granted. In hindsight, her fear of driving wasn’t such a bad thing. It delayed her a bit but she has far more respect for what’s necessary to be a safe driver and as a mom that leaves me feeling great!

I’m a huge fan of my family and I must say that sixteen is my favorite year with my daughter so far. It’s a real honor to watch her grow into an amazing human being.

What seemed like a huge obstacle turned into a blessing. I have to remember that more when I’m lamenting over a bad review because often they still buy the next two books of the trilogy! 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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The Nature of Reality

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reality-check[1]I’ve skirted around this topic before, talking about people’s differing perceptions of the same situation.  Do we ever really perceive reality as it actually is?  Without filtering it, altering it through our filters of life experience?  I really do not think so.

My husband and I watch Through the Worm Hole with Morgan Freeman and they had an amazing episode on reality.  The part I remember had to do with the sounds “fa” and “ba”.  Say fa and ba and see how differently they sit in your mouth.  So, if you watch a video of someone saying the ba sound but is actually mouthing fa, you will actually hear fa. However if you close your eyes and don’t watch the mouth moving, you hear the actual ba sound.  What does that all mean?  Well to me it means that our brain filters information beyond just what is present.

My husband and I are on the opposite spectrum when it comes to storytelling.  For me, accuracy (as accurate as I can be given my perception of reality) is most important.  However, for my husband, who comes from a family of storytellers, the enjoyment of the story in humor or intensity is most important. So facts and details sometimes get over inflated or understated if it suits the story better.

I keep that in mind when I listen to people relating details to me.  First off, I remind myself that there are many sides to an issue.  When people talk in extremes and absolutes like, always, never, every day, for hours on end, etc., that’s a sign to me that they are inflating the details of the events.

I think reality TV is much like reality and if you are scoffing, please give me a moment to explain.  In reality TV they reshoot scenes to make them better, just like we replay scenes in our head (which can actually alter our thinking of a situation when we are emotionally charged and reviewing events). Throw in other people who are equally emotionally charged and lots of drama and rewriting of history can ensue.

The best personal example happened to me in my early twenties.  In a dorm I lived in where you had to sign up to use the laundry facilities.  One day, during my time-slot, another woman was doing her laundry and seemed rather angry.  I had never met her before.  We had a very brief interaction where, at least to me, she seemed pissed off with me.

As a few weeks past, every time we crossed paths she seemed to be glaring in my direction.  One day, after I couldn’t take it anymore, I drummed up the courage to ask her why she was angry at me.  Turns out, she didn’t even remember who I was.  All the rest of the drama, I created for myself.  It was definitely one of the most eye opening experiences that really changed my outlook on life, perception and reality.

As a writer, I have to remember that it’s incumbent upon me to create a believable “reality” that readers can buy into.  My characters are usually a great guide in letting me know what the “reality” of the situation really is.  I tend to trust my muse but still do research when necessary.

So do we every truly know the true nature of reality?  I don’t think so because we can’t help but filter it through our own life experiences.

Thanks for taking the time to read and please share your thoughts on the matter.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Are You Naked Under those Covers?

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cos-06-sexy-naked-couple-hugging-touching-mdnI have slept in the nude since I can remember, at least from the time I dressed myself for bed, or in my case, undressed for my impending slumber.  I always found wearing clothes to be uncomfortable, confining and slightly claustrophobic.

Being a nudist, it’s surely not surprising that I prefer nakedness during sleep.  However, until just recently I didn’t know there were huge benefits to sleeping in the buff.  Thanks to my husband, who often sends me fodder to consider for my blog, I now know and will share the information with you!

The very first one I’m going to divvy up really made me chuckle and applies to women only.  It is healthier for your vagina, pussy, hoo-hoo (just for you Melissa), fanny or lady bits.  Although bacteria and yeast always exist in that special warm place, it’s really beneficial to air it out.  Go for it ladies!

You will also sleep better at night if you are cooler rather than warm.  Your body is meant to cool off as you sleep which boosts your anti-aging hormones.  A great cool night of sleep also helps your overall body composition because it increases your fat burning (you can actually lose belly fat!) and appetite suppression.

I think I need to sleep more! Off to take a nap, sans clothing.

Okay I’m back and refreshed and looking thinner already. 😉 Now I shall continue sharing other wonderful benefits of sleeping in your birthday suit.

This one is my favorite benefit. If you sleep with your partner (who is also naked) and touch and cuddle during the night like my husband and I do, you will get to experience the feel good hormone, oxytocin.  Oxytocin helps bond you with your partner and has other wonderful benefits too. This lovely natural drug decreases depression, blood pressure, stress and intestinal inflammation.  Who knew?  Plus, and I’m sure you all sorted this one out for yourselves, people tend to have more sex when they sleep together naked! Got to love that benefit.  Morning sex, here we come!!

Probably the most important benefit of sleeping naked is a better night of sleep.  Better sleep means a better day in my book.

I was also surprised that only one in ten people sleep in the nude.  So come on friends, readers, authors, family, and strangers, give it a go.

As always, I love to read your comments!

Warm hugs and keep chasing the dream,

Blakely

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BDSM Leads to Better Mental Health?

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bdsm blog postI just finished reading a very interesting article by Emma Gray on Huffington Post called BDSM Correlated With Better Mental Health, Says Study. It’s a fascinating read and there is a video clip as well.

Please let me clarify that they don’t mean that participating in the act of BDSM is what causes better mental health as opposed to their vanilla counterparts. The supposition of the researchers who ran the study is that because BDSM lives outside of the “norm”, it causes people to be more self-reflective which may lead to a happier life. They also believe that because kinky types of sex practices requires much more communication and self-disclosure, that those who participate may have closer, more connected relationships.

As someone who took many psych classes in college including research methods, their bondage purplestudy is a bit thin. However, I tend to agree with the findings anyway. As I have mentioned many times on my blog, communication is the key to a closer relationship and better sex. Willingness to share fantasies that fall outside of the norm requires trust and also a knowing of oneself.

Healthy BDSM relationships use safewords and other forms of communication necessary to safely explore the depths of their desires. There seems to be something very powerful within relationships where one person willingly relinquishes control while the other takes the responsibility for having it.

The most upsetting part of the article for me was the reminder that BDSM and other fetishes fall in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) under paraphilia which means abnormal sexual activity. BDSM is a choice, not a psychological dysfunction!

Why as a society do we need to all be alike? For me, any sexual activity done between consenting adults is none of my business and shouldn’t be anyone else’s.  As I have mentioned before, I do not live the BDSM lifestyle but find it truly fascinating to think about and write into my novels.

As a writer I get to travel to places I dare not go and am looking forward to my next adventure. 😉 Where do your fantasies take you?  Are you with a partner that encourages you to talk about them?  Take a chance this week and risk sharing one of your fantasies with your lover.

Love to read your comments on this post.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Mourning the end of the My Body Trilogy

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Sad-Love-Quotes-Desktop-WallpaperToday is the official release day of My Body-Mine, the last book of the My Body-Trilogy. I have completed novels and projects before, but this is the first time I have experienced a kind of sadness at the end. I’m pretty sure that the feeling stems from saying goodbye to Jane, my protagonist but maybe a little bit for Marcello as well.

I didn’t quite understand the phenomenon until I heard an interview with Daniel Day-Lewis. He spoke of his portrayal of Abraham Lincoln and how he missed seeing the world through his eyes.

I have been viewing the world through Jane’s eyes for a good bit of time now, three novels worth, and I will miss her, am missing her.

Some readers struggled with the fact that Jane stayed so long with Luke and yelled in their heads that she should get out, should run in the opposite direction, but Jane, like many women, chose to stay in a sometimes abusive relationship with the hopes that she would eventually get the love she truly needed. I love the story she set before me of struggle, self-reflection, perseverance and ultimate empowerment. Many of my readers have identified with her story and will be cheering her on in the end.

Some of my fans are hoping I write more of her journey in the future, however, Jane and I have parted company because I feel her story is complete, hence the mourning. On the bright side, if the trilogy does really well, I do have plans to write a prequel about Luke and Janice’s relationship prior to Jane. I personally would love to be in Luke’s mind and get to know more about him and his motivations.

I know as a reader, I have encountered this emotion before … of not wanting a book or a series to end. It’s rather more personal and intense on the writing side of things for me. There have been books, though, that I love so much, I had to read them again and still wish they wouldn’t come to an end. The Time Traveler’s Wife, Siddhartha and Replay come to mind.

Colin Firth put it so brilliantly: “When I’m really in to a novel, I’m seeing the world differently during that time – not just for the hour or so in the day when I get to read, I’m actually walking around in a bit of a haze, spellbound by the book and looking at everything through a different prism.”

Have you, as a writer or reader had the experience of mourning the end? Please share with us.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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