Evoking Attraction and Chemistry with the Written Word

Posted on April 29, 2013 by blakely

As an author who loves to craft stories about relationships; attraction and chemistry are phenomena I spend a lot of time thinking about. For instance, how the energetic pull looks and feels and how I can best communicate it on the page.

When I was in my early 20s, I met a guy out dancing and when we locked eyes, I felt riveted. He was the worst kind of match for me but oh my god, the chemistry was insane. He was a rock star kisser as well which didn’t help matters. However, he was in a really bad place in his life and emotionally unavailable. Our chemistry felt so intense that I could feel him when he entered the club without being able to see him and he always seemed to know what I was thinking.

Years later, I saw him again and I couldn’t even conjure a shred of that crazy attraction I had felt with him. I had grown up and so had he and it just wasn’t there anymore.

I find attraction and chemistry to be baffling at times and very unpredictable. I have had chemistry in the past with men who I didn’t even particularly like and then zero with men who I found very good looking and appealing. It’s amazing to me that getting to know someone can totally change their appearance to me for the good or the bad.

At other times in my life there have been people who I really liked and enjoyed but found zero chemistry and I mean that for physical attraction but sometimes with friendship chemistry as well. A woman not long ago moved into our community and we hit it off instantly, quickly finding a place where we could share the REAL stuff that we are dealing with in life. It seems like we’ve been friends for years and at the same time there are many people I have known for years and have forged no real connection.

Luckily for me, I still feel incredible chemistry with my husband. That seems to die out for many people in long-term relationships but I would have to venture a guess that attraction wanes as the connection wanes. For us, we grow closer and more connected as time passes and we get to share more of life’s adventures together.

I believe attraction, chemistry and/or connection aren’t always a rational process. I think they live outside of the realm of the conscious mind.

I have often wondered if wild and crazy attraction is couple with an emotionally bad mix. I played with that very notion in the My Body Trilogy.

For me, humor, intelligence, affection, creativity, transparency and openness really attracts me to the people in my life. What about you? What attracts you or pulls you in? Have you had experiences with crazy chemistry?

This blog was inspired by an English friend I know who finds laughter to be one of most attractive aspects of a woman. Thanks Rupert for the suggestion. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

The Oral Dance

Posted on April 22, 2013 by blakely

As an erotica writer, I’m fascinated by what turns people on and off regarding sex. I’ve heard from many guy friends over the years that their spouses or girlfriends don’t like to go “downtown” and I’m left to wonder why. Short of men not taking care of their hygiene, I don’t see why any woman would pass on giving head (an odd name … should it not be giving mouth?).

The “blowjob” is slang for oral sex, the act of putting an erect throbbing penis into one’s mouth for the purpose of causing a major eruption. It’s a rather silly name when you think about it. There’s no blowing and I don’t see the work involved. The only work comes when I’m crafting an enticing scene where a woman is orally pleasuring her man (or vice versa). Oral pleasure isn’t such a bad nickname. Fellatio isn’t bad either but somehow I can imagine it throwing someone out of the fantasy of a sex scene (although I do use it on occasion). For me fellate sounds more like a cooking technique.

I have also been told there is a discernible difference between a woman who enjoys giving a blowjob and one who doesn’t. The man knows. I can’t imagine that it’s very sexy to have your partner go down on you when they would really rather not.

A huge part of satisfying sex is communication (as I keep preaching) and the knowledge of what turns on your better half. Ask your partner what they like. Does he like it when you suck the head really hard or would he rather have you swirl your tongue around the rim? Maybe he likes all sorts of techniques, so mix it up.

We can’t finish this topic without talking about cum, sperm, spunk, ejaculate, etc. I’ve heard that many people do not care to swallow. There was an interesting poll on Goodreads asking, what do you think of spunk in your erotic reading and it made me realize that in my erotica, cum is always captured by an orifice. The majority of responses fell into the category of cum landing on the back or chest. I’ll have to consider that in future writings. I think it’s sexy when a person loves the taste and smell of their partner.

Sucking cock is a fine art and I encourage every person with interest to find a way to enjoy satisfying your partner AND yourself in this way. It can be an incredible turn on for the giver too.

I am curious and would love to hear from you folks who don’t enjoy giving head (mouth). What are your reasons for not appreciating the oral dance? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Come on you can do it. Share your story with us.

Thanks for reading.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Aging and Writing

Posted on April 8, 2013 by blakely

Picture me cleaning the house, headphones on, music thrumming in my ears as I belt out the tune. That’s when this blog came to me. Why, you might ask, did my brain formulate a blog on aging while I jammed to my tunes scrubbing the bathroom? Well, I’ll tell you. It partially had to do with the string of songs that played: Take it to the house by Trick Daddy, Savior by Rise Against, Already Gone by Crossfade, Stop this Train by John Mayer (I could go on but I won’t). My sixteen year old daughter and I have very similar taste in music and as I continued to sway and wipe, I recalled what my mother has often said, “I still feel twenty-five inside.” As a young woman, I didn’t really understand what she meant.

As a kid, adulthood stood as a far off magical place where decisions would become clearer and life easier. Now, as a woman in my forties, I understand the meaning of my mother’s sentiment. I too feel the same way, but I would say I feel more like twenty. 🙂 You will be happy to note that the illusion of adulthood has long ago been shattered and I understand that living a full life at any age comes with its challenges and rewards.

There are moments when I’m reminded that I’m NOT that young woman anymore. Although I still love to dance for hours on end, my body lets me know that grooving barefoot on a hard cement floor comes at a price. I always think it’s worth it the day after, especially if I stretch when I’ve finished boogieing.

My husband often says that aging is a flawed system because as you grow wiser, your body grows crankier and that life is exceedingly too short. I sort of halfway agree. I’m rather looking forward to the day, when I’m in my 60s (I’m guessing), that my appearance will matter a lot less and what people think of me or my writing won’t matter at all (Okay, maybe that last part is just plain delusion).

My husband and I just watched, Starting Out in the Evening on Sundance, which is a movie about an aging author, rather appropriate given what’s been on my mind and although I tend to shy away from slow plotting films, this one was wrought with sexual tension that kept me interested. One particular section of the movie, where the author talks about the writing process really moved me. He discussed how he starts with a character and then follows the protagonist around, to find out more about him or her and what will happen. I can completely identify with that process. He also said that because he is older, it’s harder to follow and stay engaged than when he was a younger man.

The narrative of the movie told about the older writer in relationship with a twenty-five year old grad student that had decided to write her thesis about him and his novels. I would guess him to be in his eighties and obviously conflicted about their age difference. He had published four books in total and had been working on his fifth for ten years. I won’t give anymore of the story away other than to say that I don’t think we, as authors, stop caring what our readers think of our work, no matter how old.

In Stephen King’s On Writing, he mentioned that he has less stamina for writing than he did in the early days. Maybe I will find this true as I get older but I believe that when the tidal wave of the story takes over, I will be typing as fast as ever to stay afloat.

As an author myself, writing is my art and I hope it translates to other people regardless of my age. It’s so very rewarding when my readers are truly moved by my words and “get it” (“Get it”, is defined by seeing it the way I do. If they don’t, that is okay too unless they compare me to 50 Shades of Grey which is a different genre and then I want to scream. Sorry for the aside which should probably be another blog and might morph into one in the future. 😉 ).

I, so very turned on by the written word, intend to keep writing until I’m too old to type another letter. At least that’s the plan.

Please share your viewpoint on aging and writing because I always love to hear from my readers and other authors.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Pleasure and Pain

Posted on April 1, 2013 by blakely

As a writer that explores the mixing of pleasure and pain, I’m fascinated by the mechanisms in the body that dictate what will turn us on or motivate us to the extremes. My husband and I just recently caught a show on PBS called Pleasure and Pain that I highly recommend if you are intrigued by such things.

During the course of the show, they interviewed many people and asked what gives them the most pleasure in life? There were a wide variety of answers and sex, of course, got a lot of votes but not the most.

Neurochemicals in our brain determine whether or not we find pleasure in an activity. When it comes to food, according to the show, many of us eat past the point of pleasure, overriding the signals to stop. I know I am guilty of this, especially when it comes to chocolate and dessert. Pleasure is transient and can turn into pain if overindulged.

The desire for sex is biologically strong because as a species, we must reproduce. Dopamine, the chemical of desire, causes the heart to beat faster and the sensation of touch to heighten. On the ride up to the peak we are flooded with endorphins that send us over the edge to explosion. As we float back down to earth on a cocktail of serotonin and prolactin, our dopamine levels fall leaving us relaxed and sleepy. My favorite high is definitely the aftermath of orgasm.

So as I watched the show, I wondered what in life gives me the most pleasure and I even asked my husband. He said, “Sex of course.” My response, “If we’re talking about peak experiences that are short lived, then yes, I would definitely have to say sex but if we are sharing about a more sustained feeling of happiness, I have to say love, being in love, loving you.” Good love adds so much pleasure to life, even during the moments when you aren’t together. Nothing beats that for me and he agrees.

Why do we sometimes find pleasure in pain? It’s easy to focus on the sex aspects given that I have explored BDSM within the My Body Trilogy. However, just the other day, I asked my husband why he thinks I put myself into situations that scare me (Live interview, book signings, etc.) but do them anyway. He said he thought for me it was akin to riding a huge scary rollercoaster, which I love, and that I get pleasure from living on the edge.

One of the main reasons people can find pleasure in pain has to do with the release of endorphins that flood the system, the very same ones that I mentioned that rush us over the edge to orgasm. I can only assume that people’s tolerance for pain must correlate with the timing of the biochemical release and maybe even the intensity of the flooding of the brain.

I know for Jane, in the My Body Trilogy, the excitement that comes with the pushing of her boundaries and her pain tolerance, heightens the intensity of her orgasms. I believe it works that way for some people in real life.

So have you guessed what might be the most common answer on the pleasure questionnaire? The third most common answer … food and drink, second answer … drum roll please … SEX (not surprising I should think) and finally, the number one answer and clear winner – family and loved ones.

The order didn’t surprise me much as it fell in line with my personal pleasures. What is your greatest pleasure and is it something that you can easily experience or obtain?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

The Importance of Passion

Posted on March 25, 2013 by blakely

What gets your pulse thudding and your blood pumping? What churns you to feel the drive of your desires? You might think I’m merely asking about sex and attraction however, I have been thinking a lot about passion lately on a few different levels. Like how it pertains to my writing because if there is one common denominator in erotica, it’s most probably the passion but also as it pertains to what truly motivates us in life and how it factors in our relationships.

I firmly believe when we are truly passionate about person, job, or anything else, we become highly motivated in acquiring or achieving. Not so long ago, when I worked in a corporate job, I thought most of the men I worked with and for were work-a-holics. However, I now understand that they were driven to succeed in an occupation where their passions lie. I can say this because I’m living my passion as a published author, highly driven toward success and my daughter now refers to me as the work-a-holic. I quickly shake it off, mostly because she really has no concept of hard work and how much time it can take. I probably work eight to ten hours a day between writing, editing, and social media and put time in on the weekends as well. I also take time off when I’m feeling burnt out so I don’t exhaust myself or my drive and I get to set my own hours so I can.

The importance of passion is very clear to me now. I believe we all need it to truly feel alive in our lives. It surely doesn’t have to be found in an occupation. It can be a hobby, family, exercise, or many other activities. I often wish I was as passionate about exercise as the marathon runners or long distance bikers. My passion for exercise and a firm body runs in a cycle from extremely focus and driven to drop a few pounds and build muscle to being a slug. Fortunately for me the slugdom phase is far shorter. Since moving out to the Northwest, I blame it on the winter and the lack of sun. Fortunately Spring is moving in as will be my resolve to drop five pounds of fat while adding at least as much in muscle mass. 🙂

As it pertains to writing, which I’m sure by now if you have read my novels or follow my site you understand how passionate I am regarding the written word. I strive to fully communicate the range of desire, attraction, flirtation, sex and longing. I recently watch a Bollywood movie that told the story of two sisters who fell in love and eventually married the men of their desire. The film depicted no sex or kissing and the only physical touch happened through hugging but they clearly showed longing, chemistry, and passion merely through facial expressions and eye contact. It made me consider how I communicate passion via the written word and how sometimes covert longing is more powerful than overt desire.

In relationship passion has amazing binding power and helps longevity. It’s definitely works that way for my husband and me (18 years and going strong). I do wonder why passion and desire seems to fade in many relationships and when I craft stories about relationships, I can’t help analyzing why one relationship can last for the long-term while others do not. This may sound silly to some, but I believe because my husband and I, even after all this time, never run out of things to talk about, we still enjoy spending time together. I’m sure having great chemistry is a huge help as well. 😉

I’ve known for a long time that writing is my passion and now I get to live it in a new exciting way. Thanks to all my friends, family, and fans that support me in making my passions my life.

What are you passionate about? How does it motivate you? Please share with me and my readers. Thanks!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

The Nu Project and the Female Body

Posted on March 18, 2013 by blakely

My husband turned me onto The Nu Project website where women from all over North and South American have submitted their nude photos in support of the endeavor to show what real women look like. That’s not to say models are not real women, however they are so far in the minority that to base our societies standards on their physiques is to set up a culture where the majority of women feel dissatisfied with their bodies. This project celebrates all types of women’s shapes and curves. I, for one, think it’s fabulous.

As someone who has often compared herself to women twenty years younger than I, I love to see all shapes and size represented. In the My Body Trilogy, my characters are fit and lean mostly because that’s what I find appealing although I plan to write other novels with all types of characters represented. Lauren Dane, in one of her Chase Brothers series novels, has a full-figured main female character which I very much enjoyed.

I’m considered an average size woman now but in my early adulthood I was definitely full-figured and struggled with my own self-image. As a practicing nudist, one of the most liberating aspects is to see all shapes and sizes of men and women and their comfort level with their own bodies. Each and every body is unique and loving my own body, makes me even more inclined to take great care of it.

My husband and I just watched Monique Marvez: Not Skinny Not Blonde comedy show on Showtime. I highly recommend that you check it out. We laughed our asses off but it also enlightened me to a very important fact of life. Something I probably unconsciously knew but never spent much time thinking about. She said that how women see themselves, us being our own worst critics, is very different than how men see us, most especially the men who love us. I believe this to be true so from now on I plan to see myself through my husband’s eyes instead of my own because he has such a positive attitude toward how I look. 🙂

I’m excited to share The Nu Project with you and help promote any endeavor that shines a positive light on a culture based on reality instead of an ideal. Hopefully the project will expand to include men as well.

Check it out and let me know what you think. As always, I love to read your comments.

I hope everyone had a wonderful week. The blog tour is going well and the official release of My Body-His (Marcello) happened on Friday which is very exciting. Looking forward to reading your reviews.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Bondage

Posted on March 11, 2013 by blakely

I have read about the psychology of bondage (research!) and have written several sex scenes that include one form or another of restraint. It seems pretty apparent to me that it’s a fairly mainstream activity for couples to dabble in and if the statistics are correct, even more mainstream since 50 Shades of Grey hit the stands. Just go into any adult boutique and you can see bondage is alive and well. You can purchase handcuffs and blindfolds and other fun toys to use for such endeavors.

Bondage and discipline is a favorite activity of the men in the My Body Trilogy. I’m fascinated by the trust it takes to allow someone to restrain your body and, by all accounts, the act can create a deep sense of closeness. I wonder about the attraction of being shackled and abused. I do understand that it adds a level of excitement and danger that can set your pulse racing, at least it works that way for the submissives with whom I have spoken and Jane, the main female character in my novels. There is something appealing in letting go of control and trusting someone else to take you to a place where you are left in a puddle of stimulation and sensation that sends you into intense orgasm.

I like reading BDSM stories that incorporate bondage as a theme. I like the stories best when the female is a reluctant participant but ultimately makes the decision to participate. I do find it interesting that what I read may be far more extreme than I would ever care to experience, but it’s still a turn on. I guess that’s why I write that way as well.

I love the rub (pun intended ;)) between what people think should turn them on and what actually does.

The idea of control within sex is a captivating topic and entrusting yourself to another via bondage, is the gift of the submissive.

Is the idea of bondage a turn on or off? Is it something you would consider trying? Please share your stories with us. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

My Blog Tour!

Posted on March 4, 2013 by blakely

I’m very excited to share that my blog tour is starting today. There will be an ebook giveaway at each site so make sure to comment!

Here are all the links for the coming days. You can also hit the tour button on the right sidebar which will take you to the most current site.

If you come across a blog you would like to comment on or have other questions for me after reading one of the interviews, feel free to post your questions here.

I hope everyone had a wonderful week. We are actually having sunshine in the good ol’ Northwest.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

March 4 Guest blog

Roxanne’s Realm

www.roxannesrealm.blogspot.com

March 6 Interview

Pembroke Sinclair.

pembrokesinclair.blogspot.com

March 7 Guest blog and review

Romance Addict Book Blog

www.romanceaddictbookblog.com

March 8 Interview

Fang-tastic Books

www.fang-tasticbooks.blogspot.com

March 9 Interview

The Creatively Green Write at Home Mom

www.creativelygreen.blogspot.com

March 11 Spotlight and review

Readaholic’s Reviews

www.readaholicsreviews.com

March 12 Excerpt and review

Erzabet’s Enchantments

http://erzabetsenchantments.blogspot.com/

March 14 Spotlight

Provocative Pages

http://readingonthewildside.blogspot.com

March 15 Naughty Nook Feature

Bewitching Book Tours Magazine page 59

www.issuu.com/bewitchingbooktours

March 20 Guest blog and review

Urban Girl Reader –

http://www.urbangirlreader.com

March 21 Interview

Jodie Pierce

www.jodiepierceauthor.blogspot.com

March 22 Guest blog and review

Hooked In a Book

http://hookedinabook.blogspot.com/

March 23 Spotlight

A Bibliophiles Thoughts on Books

http://bibliophilesthoughtsonbooks.blogspot.com/

March 24 Spotlight

Mila Ramos

www.jademystique.blogspot.com

March 25 Spotlight

Reviewing in Chaos

http://reviewinginchaos.blogspot.com

March 27 Guest blog

Erotica For All,

http://eroticaforall.co.uk

March 28 Interview and review

Nightstand Novels

http://nightstandnovels.com

March 29 Interview and review
My Home Away From Home –
www.officialmhafh.com

April 2 Spotlight

Lisa’s World of Books

www.lisasworldofbooks.net

April 3 Spotlight

My Sexy Escapes

mysexyescapes.com

Sexual Brain Differences between Men and Women

Posted on February 25, 2013 by blakely

A while back, I read a fascinating article called Love, Sex, and the Male Brain by Louann Brizendine. According to Louann our brains are mostly alike but there are variances when it comes to sex, relating, and territorial behaviors. Men have a larger area of the brain dedicated to defending their turf. I wonder if this makes men more prone to jealousy than women. I have also pondered whether or not jealousy is a modern cultural phenomenon. If we are programmed genetically to guard that which is ours, then is it an instinctual process?

In contrast, Louann tells us that women have a larger area of the brain dedicated to understanding and getting in sync with other people’s emotions, facial expressions, and body language.

The biggest dichotomy she found was that the male brain has a two and a half times larger area of for sexual pursuit than women. This is not at all surprising to me.

She discusses the differing levels of male hormones during diverse ages and says that testosterone puts boys/men in a ‘Man Trance’. According to the author, men cannot help themselves because they are programmed to always be on the hunt for fertile females. Checking out women’s breasts comes second nature to men and they fail to understand why their looking should upset the women they are with. I have to agree with this point. Even if you are monogamous, I don’t think wearing blinders like a horse is necessary. I’m not saying that men should have carte blanche to behave in any manner but a little self-esteem goes a really long way in my opinion.

If you’ve read my first novel, My Body-His, then you know I’m fascinated by what motivates people to behave the way they do. In the second book, My Body-His (Marcello) you will have the opportunity to be ensconced in a power struggle between Luke and Marcello over Jane. They don’t go as far as banging their chests but they are both lobbying to have sole control over the object of their desire.

Men do fall in “love” as hard as women, according to Luanne, and when a woman gets pregnant, her pheromones affect her man’s testosterone by reducing his output by 30%. This is just nature’s insurance that the man will stick around through the pregnancy.

Louann goes on to say that there is a misconception that women are more emotional than men. According to her, men have stronger emotional reactions than women do. Men, however, are much better at covering it up and far quicker at doing so. I have to speculate that this particular behavior is culturally driven because men are told they must appear strong and in control.

Here’s the article if you would like to read it for yourself: http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/03/23/brizendine.male.brain/index.html?hpt=C1

What are some of the differences you have found between you and partners? Love to read your thoughts.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Kissing

Posted on February 18, 2013 by blakely

Kissing is one of the wonderful joys in life. I love the taste, smell, and feel of a kiss. I have often pondered if kissing is a teachable behavior or if it’s like two puzzle pieces that either fit together or don’t. I have been known to say that lip-locking is the gateway drug and the sure fire indicator of sexual compatibility.

Personally, kissing is important to me. My husband and I have been kissing for a long wonderful time and it’s a dance that still leaves me lightheaded and very much turned on. I love the journey from soft to hard and back again. I love the ones that linger and take me to places I’ve never been.

I, for one, think kissing should happen often and not only as a start of sexual activity. Like hugging and cuddling, it shoots us full of lovely bonding chemicals and keeps couples close and more connected.

Professionally kissing is something that I strive to describe thoroughly and accurately without the constant redundancy. It’s not always an easy task.

So that brings me back to wondering if kissing is something that can be cultivated or is it simply preference? Is kissing something that can evolve with enough practice?

Two kissers from my past stand out to me because of their not so great technique. One guy used his tongue like a spear, making it very pointy and swirled his tongue around and around in my mouth. We dated very briefly. LOL! Second guy thought his tongue a sword and like to duel without lip-locking. Both styles fell into the realm of turn offs. Could I have coached them to kiss more to my preference if I had been bold enough to say what I liked and didn’t care for? I’m not sure.

A friend once shared that we all kiss a bit differently and it’s a journey to find a mutual place in the kisses. I like this philosophy.

My husband feels that a lot of it is innate, a talent, an ability to share a kiss with a woman that encourages her to weaken at the knees and to gather herself when pausing for a breath.

Do you think kissing is a talent or something that can be learned and cultivated? Love to hear from you, my readers.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Blakely Bennett

Author of erotic romance, erotic suspense, and romance.

Category Archives: Author’s Blog Posts

Evoking Attraction and Chemistry with the Written Word

The Oral Dance

Aging and Writing

Pleasure and Pain

The Importance of Passion

The Nu Project and the Female Body

Bondage

My Blog Tour!

Sexual Brain Differences between Men and Women

Kissing

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