Category Archives: Author’s Blog Posts

Sex is So Much More

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Sex encompasses way more than the mere physical act especially when occurring in a long-term committed relationship. Sex is wholly gratifying in more ways than just the mere orgasmic experience.  As I’ve written before, there are many health benefits to having a healthy sex life but it encompasses even more.

A person gets to feel sexy and competent in bringing their husband or lover to satisfaction and satiation. Partners get to relive the best parts of sex and be excited about cumming together again. They can explore fantasies and continually grow in their trust with one another.

The physical expression of love helps people to feel more bonded and close to their partners. How can leaving sex out of the marriage equation be a good thing? I am baffled and intrigued by how many marriages seem to stay together with infrequent or no sex.

They tell me that there are other parts of the relationship that are great. They are friends, their wives or husbands are great moms or dads, and/or they have built a life together. Those are great parts of a marriage for sure and I don’t minimize them, but why is it that in our society sex seems to be the hardest thing to discuss openly. I do wonder sometimes if some women lose interest in their spouse because they aren’t satisfied and yet are too scared/worried to ask for what they want and need. I believe talking about sexual preferences is one of the best ways of increasing intimacy.

Why do we need to take it personally if someone wants a harder or softer touch or prefers one act or position to another? I know for me the things I really enjoy have changed over the years. This might be different for men but great sex happens for me, and I believe for most women, with greater connection and greater trust than a one night stand can provide.

I do differentiate between making love and fucking and frankly they both have their place of appreciation in my life. But even when my husband and I are experiencing raw passion with each other, a deep level of connection still exists.

I think our generation should do our damnedest to shift the culture of our society so we don’t have another generation treating sex like it has to be some big secret or something we can’t be honest about.

Hope you all had a great weekend! As always, I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on the topic.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Reviews: To Read or Not to Read

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That is the question.  It’s always great to get a good review, no one minds that.  However, a scathing review—I have never even remotely written one—is rather hard to swallow.  Frankly, if I hated a book, I would never finish it.   I have had people not like My Body-His and yet say they plan to read the second and third book of the Trilogy.  Not that I mind, but what is that about?

Fortunately, most of my reviews have been great or at least good.  I knew, going into getting published, that not everyone would enjoy the suspense, tension, excitement of Jane’s journey.  All anyone has to do is read reviews on anything like movies, music, art shows, etc. to know, there are always contrary view points.  This is where I either need to grow tougher skin or stop reading the reviews.  So it begs the question, should I keep reading them or not?  I’m not sure I have the self-discipline at this point to stay away.  Especially with My Body-His (Marcello) hitting the stands in March.

On the plus side of all this review business, when I received my very first one star review from La Crimson Femme, I thought it such a great review (she loved my writing style but not the story), that I thanked her for the review.  People had commented below her post, wondering what the author was thinking regarding a few choices in the novel so I began a dialogue with the reviewer and a few other people which can be found on Goodreads.

She later asked me if I would be interested in participating in the BDSM Bedtime Stories that they create using a scene from an erotic novel.  I was pleased to be asked and we have forged a tremendous respect for one another.

Entering into any new venture there is always so much to learn.  I have discovered yet again the power of being kind and respectful.  Check out La Crimson Femme’s blog which has the audio BDSM Bedtime Story from My Body-His (Marcello).  Below the audio is a blog she wrote about me: http://lacrimsonfemme.blogspot.com/2013/01/hot-little-ff-audio-excerpt.html?zx=f35fec209eb6fd28  Thanks again LCF!

I’m still on the fence regarding reading more reviews but I now know never to read the bad ones when I’m not feeling well and my defenses are down.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to the New Year.  Love to read your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Beast of the Southern Wild

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Rarely is there a movie that genuinely takes me by surprise and moves me like Beast of the Southern Wild.  We stumbled upon it at Redbox and later found out that it has been nominated for four Academy Awards (which I think is far too little).  Henry, the actor who played Wink, should have been nominated for best actor in a leading role.

My husband and I were blown away by the unique story and the acting.  Although I am an avid movie watcher, it is so infrequent that I make a point of recommending one.  So much of what is out today are remakes and superhero/comic movies which do not take me anywhere new or to an alternate reality that I care to experience.

Beast was art in film and the story of how it ultimately got off the ground and found its audience is awe inspiring.  Kudos to Robert Redford for creating Sundance and for the support they offer to new film makers.

The two main characters, Wink and Hushpuppy, had never acted before and the main female lead was just 6 years old.  She has been nominated for an Academy Award which I truly hope she receives.

When the movie came to a close, I cried.  I wept over the storyline but also for the sheer brilliance in film making.  I’m one of the sappy people who tear up whenever I experience great talent.  When my daughter and I went to a concert over the summer and I stood in front of a musician I loved, playing a song that moved me, I couldn’t help it. Waterworks!   Years ago we went to The Lion King musical and my eyes were like a faucet the entire time.  I had never seen anything remotely like it.

I love when a movie impacts me beyond the watching and takes me to a place I have never been or would either wise get to experience.  I do hope, in a small way, my novels offer that to readers.

Beast came out in limited release initially and I have read that it will be rereleased shortly.  Do yourself a favor and take the time to see it.

I had planned to post a blog this week called Reviews: To Read or Not to Read.  Please check back next week for that one.

As always, I love to read your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

An Epiphany

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After the book signing last week, I had an epiphany.  It sort of runs along the lines of expectations but goes a bit deeper I think.  I will do my best to try to elegantly share my thoughts with you.

I believe that all of my stress or strife over life is self-imposed.  I’m not referring to tragic world events or when some you really care about is ill.  I’m talking about the daily bump-ups against life.  I realized that my reactions are solely based on how I think things should be or how I would like them to go against what actually is.  I’m not referring to the now popular adage of “Be Here Now” or even “Living in the Moment”.  For me, distraction is highly underrated and should be used often.  Fantasizing is not being in the moment and it’s how I create and write.  What I’m addressing is about getting next to “what is” and in that place I can find the grace.  Life is an adventure and we can fight it all along the way or find a way to enjoy the ride.

I realized that I am more go-with-the-flow than I originally gave myself credit for, or maybe I have just recently moved into a different frame of mind.

How does this impact my writing?  Glad you asked. 🙂  There were times when I was writing My Body-His where the story went into a completely different direction than I thought it would and I actually panicked a few times telling my husband I needed to scrap and rewrite.  I never did and what I think happened is that it offered the story unpredictability because even I didn’t predict it.  These days, I follow where my characters take me without the stress because it’s their story after all.

My husband wrote a book many years ago called Evolving Paradigms which spoke of the limiting effects that takes place when you get locked into a particular paradigm and cease to grow.  The pertinent part of the book for this blog has to do with the premise that we function during the course of our lives in three ways: as reactors, responders, and initiators.  We are born as reactors and during that phase we have no control over how we respond to situations or stimulus.  As we grow and mature, we still react, but we can pause long enough to choose how we would like to respond.  Ultimately the goal would be to evolve into initiators who are controlled less by their reactions and a need to respond by releasing the struggle that goes with wanting to have control over the uncontrollable.

Luke, in My Body-His and My Body-His (Marcello), must maintain control of his life at all times and Jane, although she does try to please him, is not a natural submissive and is ultimately a force in Luke’s life that he cannot control.  Because of Luke’s upbringing, which you find out more about in the second book of the My Body Trilogy, his need for complete obedience becomes his own downfall.

For me however, getting next to “what is” and letting go of how I think it should be or go really frees me to enjoy the rollercoaster of life and sway with the ebb and flow.  The humorous part for me is that I can’t change “what is” by sheer will and holding onto the false image of how things should be is just unnecessary conflict I create within my life.

I don’t mean to imply I am cured from getting miffed over life circumstances sometimes, however I think I have found a new ease with the dance.

Love to read your thoughts on this realization of mine and how you cope with life’s twists and turns. Please comment.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

My Very First Book Signing

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DSC_0018Another long standing dream came true January 12, 2013 at the book launch for My Body-His, the first book in the My Body Trilogy.  Every now and again in life, reality turns out to be better than the imagination.  Surrounded by the support of many of our friends and new people to meet, I learned yet again that being an author is what I want to do and what I love.

DSC_0023My only real worry about the event was that people were not going to show.  I would be left standing around twiddling my thumbs and as a last resort I would have to stand outside hauling people into Uppercase Bookshop to have people to read to.  However, what really happened at 6:30 pm on Saturday night with the temperature hovering around twenty-four degrees, a packed Snohomish where parking is difficult to find and a flu epidemic, was that so many people showed in support of my dream that I had to lean against the rail on top step and project my voice down to the people standing on the first floor.

DSC_0025I didn’t feel particularly nervous as I thanked everyone for coming but as soon as I started reading from My Body-His my adrenaline shot up so high, it took me a few minutes to regain my equilibrium.

DSC_0020I so enjoyed signing books and looking up to see a line of people waiting their turn.  I had all my catchy phrases ready in my head but used none of them.  I ended up personalizing each book I signed.

DSC_0008My girlfriend Melissa suggested that a bunch of people meet up before the book signing and that was a great idea.  I felt so relax surrounded by friends ahead of time.  I plan to do that again for my next book signing.

Make sure to check back for future signing events that will be coming in March to launch the second book of the trilogy, My Body-His (Marcello).

Thanks again to Uppercase Bookshop, Catherine Treadgold and Jennifer McCord from FannyPress, and my husband whose ongoing support through the whole process is invaluable to me.  And a special shout out to everyone who came to the event.

Warmest hugs,

Blakely Bennett

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Pussy Willow

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As a writer, I happen to love words and it’s exciting when I learn a new one.  Some of my all-time favorites are flibbertigibbet (I love how that one feels in my mouth), oxymoronic, and conniption fit which is actually a phrase but also fun to say.

When it comes to the female genitalia, words to name and describe are sorely lacking.  For example, pussy denotes a weak man and cunt a hard woman and for whatever reason, cunt has become beyond a four letter word to many people, most especially women.  We are left with vagina which sounds rather clinical or crotch which sounds rough and masculine.

At least for the male genitalia we have phallus which is a strong, almost statuesque word, or cock which is perfectly fine and only denotes an overly confident man in the form of cocky.  We can live with that one I think.  Dick is okay but falls more along with pussy and cunt because an assholic man can be referred to as a dick.

As indebted as I feel toward E. L. James, I have to admit that using “there” to refer to the pussy isn’t at all appealing to me.

If you haven’t figure this out already, finding new ways to describe sex and body parts is a huge part of being an effective erotic writer and that is why this matters so much to me.  And if you have any issues with the ones I used above, hold your hat for far more insulting and scary ones.  Please forgive me in advance for some that I found online and have to share for the mere offensiveness of them.

Here goes: Bearded clam (That is disgusting on so many levels! Must stay away from all seafood references.), Soft Shell Tuna Taco (OMG! Rule two, stay away from any food references unless you are using cherry to describe the color of her inner folds.), Camel Toe, Slit, Pit (I could live with slit but it would have to be in context), Cum Dumpster, Fuzzy Taco, Beaver (eww, eww, and eww), Sweaty Love Box, Choochie, Snake Pit (Can you imagine… He forced his python into her snake pit. Blah!), Peach (Okay, I might have to have a second exception to the food list but only to be used in a romance novels. 🙂 ), Holster, Snatch, Chonch (No, no and most definitely no. Well unless it’s a hokey western romance where he slides is revolver into her holster. Nah, I’ll stick with the no.), Tunnel of Love, Joy Trail, and Sex (The first two are bit too romancey for me but not offensive and Sex might be used in the right place although hardly descriptive.).

I could go on and on sharing words that are used to describe the beautiful, flowering entrance to a woman’s body and soul but I will leave you with a few that I like and a few I don’t understand in the least.  Maybe you can sort me out on those.

Explain these please: Arm Sleeves – I’m no prude but I’m not sure what this means? Is this a vaginal fisting reference? Cooter – This is a turtle.  How is that relevant?  Mace – Because it temporarily disables a man?  Please feel free to enlighten me.

Here are some that I found funny: Bloomin’ Onion, Masturbation Contingency Plan, Next to the Butt Nut Hut, Lovin’ Oven, Erection Correction Trench, and Velvet Underground.

Some that are not so heinous: Pussy Willow, Honey Pot, Cozy, Mound, Sheath, and Womanhood but honestly none that I could see using other than “mound”: He quickly pulled out his hard cock and came all over her mound. Or something like that.

Please share with me your words for the female genitalia as I am always game to learn something new. And you never know, it might end up in My Body-Mine. 😉

I hope your new year is getting off to a great start!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Happy New Year and 2013 Intentions

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I find the New Year to be a great time to reflect on people and events that I’m truly grateful for from 2012 and set my intentions for the coming year.

Let me begin by saying a big thanks to you, my readers, for checking out my blog and for supporting my dreams by purchasing my novels.  Without you, my dreams could never become a reality.

I feel incredibly grateful to my husband who pushed me to try again to get My Body-His published in 2012. Having someone supporting you in pursuit of your dreams is invaluable. I’m grateful for Catherine from Fanny Press who saw and sees the value in my writing.

I’m grateful for my daughter who is an exceptional teenager and makes me feel like the best mother in the world and for my two stepdaughters and family that I love so much. I so appreciate my family and close friends for their enthusiasm and support of me chasing my dreams.

I’m hugely grateful to have found a man who encourages me to be me and for loving me all the while. Isn’t that what we are all looking for?

And finally, I’m grateful to myself for taking better care of my body and spirit this year and taking the risk of seeking publishing for my dark erotic novels.

I read an article the other day “Five Things You Can Do Instead of New Year’s Resolution” by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. which suggested that instead of setting your New Year’s resolutions you would serve yourself better by doing these five things:

  1. Write yourself a letter from your future self, letting you know what accomplishments you made in 2013.  Kind of like positive projection from your older self. (We did a dream list instead which was a lot of fun to do.)
  2. List your favorite moments and accomplishments from 2012.  (I like this one a lot. I think it’s too easy to focus on the negative and far more helpful to our overall outlook if we focus on the positive.)
  3. She goes on to suggest that we should make a list of the five things we are most looking forward to in 2013. (We decided to create a list of intentions.)
  4. List what you are grateful for. (See above.  That was my list from Thanksgiving which is another yearly tradition.)
  5. Lastly, make a commitment to someone else. She recommends donating your time or money to a cause you care about.

I have set a handful of intentions for the new year and I will share a few of them with you:

  • I will continue to take great care of my body and spirit and to increase my fitness while maintaining my current weight. (There is nothing better than exercise to keep me grounded and positive.)
  • I will finish My Body-Mine, the third novel in the My Body Trilogy no later than March 1st.  I plan to have the first draft done by the end of January but want to have plenty of time to edit and rework as necessary.
  • As soon as MBM is finalized, I will help my husband finish, edit and get his novel published.  I’m very excited to help him accomplish his dreams as well.
  • Find more cool places to hike in the Northwest!  Have any suggestions for me?

I would love to hear what you have set for your intentions in the New Year. Please share with us.

Check back next week for my blog called Pussywillow. 😉

Warm hugs and safe partying,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Expectations Part Deux

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In my first blog on expectations I wrote about positive and negative filters but didn’t address being invested in a particular outcome. I remember a great example of a time when my expectations were sorely tested. One Saturday morning, the only day that week we had to sleep in, we were lying in bed beginning to get amorous but still not quite part of the waking world when the phone rang at 9:00 AM…rude on a Saturday in my not so humble opinion.

This was back when I was doing bookkeeping and there was a meeting set for the morning. I had previously provided them with the reports they had requested but the man on the phone wanted more. So I booted up my computer and shot over more reports. Then, before I could steal back to bed, another call came in asking me financial questions that my brain was not up to speed to answer. Keep in mind this meeting was formed and called at the last minute on a Saturday morning which I was NOT required to attend. Turns out the financial question was a simple one that had I been asked later in the day would have been blatantly apparent but instead, an hour passed until it was resolved. Anger had done its job by that point in waking me up completely.

So what does all of that have to do with expectations? By the time the impromptu phone conference finished, neither my husband nor I were in the head space to head back to bed. Our expectations for our Saturday morning were shot and really affected our mood.

My idealized self is a go-with-the-flow kind of woman but the truth of me is that a very aggravating meeting first thing in the morning messed with my mojo. I’m happy to say we were able to shake it off by that evening and had a wonderful Sunday together but it certainly made me think about how attached I am to my expectations.

To me it felt especially harsh given that Saturdays are MY time with my husband and I hate when other people’s piss poor planning effects my day. The hardest part was being aware of how much it impacted both my husband and me. It did, however, stimulate another blog for me to write so it wasn’t all bad. 😉

I do tend to be flexible about change especially when it’s not interfering with my free time. My husband and daughter have a harder time adjusting to unexpected change and it’s a good thing to know about a person. It makes it easier to understand why someone gets upset when things go in an unexpected direction.

I know I could have chosen not to answer the phone that morning and if I had to do it all over again I probably would have let the call go to voice mail. Next time I will.

I must add the caveat that for people like me, who like surprises, the unexpected can sometimes be very welcomed. Just don’t get me out of bed early when I have other things on my mind!

How do you handle unexpected changes when you have expectations of how something will go? Is it easy for you to let it roll off your back or do you have a hard time adjusting? Please share your comments and stories.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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I hope all my readers are enjoying this holiday season.  I wanted to share with you the wonderful and thoughtful gift my step-daughter and son-in-law made for me.  Check out this cool ornament which will now be a yearly tradition on our tree.

I will post my usual weekly blog tomorrow.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Expectations and Filters

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A while back, my husband put a new hinge on our daughter’s bedroom door so her cat can go in and out without our daughter having to open and close it for the cat. We have the same hinge on the door to our family room and Joey, the cat, has no problems going in and out by himself. However, it took the silly cat a long time to figure out that he could now open our daughter’s door the same way. He expected that he could not open the door, so in turn he could not until he learned otherwise.

I think we humans behave in the same way. We harbor expectations that can be powerful in influencing the way events are shaped. I think we often experience what we expect to experience. I say, focus on the positive and the chances of a positive outcome are so much better. I’m no Pollyanna and understand life isn’t always that simple but I also have known enough people with different mind sets to witness how much a person’s overall point of view can affect their experience of life.

We have a limited capacity for absorbing copious amounts of information, so we have evolved into creatures of deletion. We filter either consciously or unconsciously to keep our sanity about us. How is it that several people can share an experience, one person can walk away feeling great about it and another person can be sorely disappointed?  To me it comes down to filters and expectations.

Many factors can influence how we take in and process information, everything from biochemistry to a spilled cup of coffee. You might wake up in a bad mood and the day just goes downhill from there or you get the job you were hoping for and the world is a wonderful place.

The events that just took place in Connecticut really rocked both my husband and me.  It really affected our moods and outlooks.  For both of us it was compounded by the gun advocates and some of their crazy rhetoric and the religious sect saying that it happened because god isn’t allowed in schools. I wish I had filtered out all that noise that further hurt my heart.

I think some of our expectations and filters, as in this case of Sandy Hook, simply come down to inherent personality traits and/or modeling. I personally prefer to focus on the positive and keep my expectations up, even in the face of tragedy but it was really hard after the events in Connecticut.

I know you won’t always get a great outcome just because you think you might and vice versa but I do think if you interface with the world from a negative space, you will find all the negativity you need or want to make yourself right and justify your actions.

I wish there was something profound I could say to the people who have recently been touched by the barbaric violence of late. I can only hope that it motivates change in our current gun laws, mental health practices and causes the shift we all so need.

On a more positive note, I have found, in regards to making friends, that the best filter in the world is me being me. Of course, it’s not about how I filter information but more about how others filter me. 🙂 I am straight forward and that works for some people and for others, not so much. Some like my style which is great and some find me too blunt and quickly move along. As we have told our daughter repeatedly over the years, the best way to find the people you really connect with is by showing your true self.

How do you see your expectations and filters impacting your life? I would love to read your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakey

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.