Category Archives: Relationships

What’s Trending Now

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Edge-of-Love-1As an author who writes erotica, it is incumbent on me to stay abreast (no pun intended) of the latest trends in sexual behavior. While doing research, I have recently discovered a study about the rise in reporting of women on women sex both here in the US and in the UK. It is believed that the change is due to the shift in society in regards to same sex relationships, allowing women to more comfortably explore different sides of their sexuality. In addition, the advent of the internet has made finding potential partners easier. Continue reading →

The Origins of the Orgasmic Phenomena

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ryan460Many times I have heard stories from men (keep that in mind) about women who cum from simple nipple suckling, or thigh massage (no clitoral touch), or kissing alone, and most recently hair pulling at the nap of the neck. I’m not sure if I’m one of the sad few who don’t cum that way or if our faking sisters are giving us a bad name. Now don’t get me wrong, all those things turn me on but a climax isn’t imminent without clitoral attention.

I am committed to writing authentic sex scenes, not just to arouse, but also to help people to become better lovers and partners. I don’t write pornography perpetuating the stereotypical manly man bringing a woman to orgasm by his mere presence. I want it real. I want foreplay. Continue reading →

True Connection

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www.redefiningthefaceofbeauty.com

www.redefiningthefaceofbeauty.com

I had an interesting conversation with a friend about disciplining children. I have always contended that violence to a child is completely unnecessary. In fact, I believe it sends the wrong message. However, I could see her point that growing up on a farm and all the dangers present there created a culture of expedient punishment.

I shared an example from a time where our daughter went through a violent stage. It makes completely no sense to me that I would hit her because she hit or bit me. What the hell would that teach? Because I’m bigger and in charge, it’s okay for me to use violence? Instead—and believe me, she gave us a run for our money between 2 ½ and 4—what I said was that she needed to learn to use her words to communicate how she was feeling and not her hands, feet or teeth (yes, she was a bitter.) I also said, “Do I hit you when I’m angry or upset?” She said, “No.” “Do I hit Daddy when I’m upset?” She said, “No.” I believe modeling is the most effective way to teach children. The motto, “Do what I say, not what I do,” is utter bullshit. We, as humans, learn by example. Fortunately for us, the violent stage past quickly.

I believe if you are connected with your children, it’s far easier to use other methods of discipline that do not include violence, because the child actually cares what you feel, and in turn you care what they feel. Continue reading →

What’s it Like to Write with Your Husband?

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DSC_0280resizeI’ve gotten this question often and it’s usually accompanied by, “I could never work with my husband. How do you do it?” The writing and creating process is rather easy when we work together. The writing goes a lot faster because if either of us is stuck on a scene, we can pass it off to the other. However, working with someone else requires an outline and a very different style of writing than when I’m working on my own.

On my own, I don’t plan, outline or figure out the end until I get there. I let my characters lead me through the story. When I write with my husband (Dana), I don’t have that same luxury because the story must have structure so we can both move forward with the storyline. However, we have lots of fun writing together. Continue reading →

Do-ers and Be-ers

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7-lazy-in-bed-636So what do I mean by Do-ers and Be-ers? Are you a busy bee or more laid back?

I used to fall into the Be-er category. I didn’t fill my life with a lot of “things” to do. Downtime rated really high for me. I would put it in gear when it came to work and getting things done (my house could still have used more attention) but I imagine most Do-ers would’ve considered me lazy by comparison.

A Do-er is someone who is always on the go. Their lives are jam packed full of activities, events, obligations, work, etc. They love their life very full and their need for downtime is minimal. I have, at times, wondered what they are running from or running too but these days I think that’s an arrogant assumption. I recognize that we are all made up differently and there are pluses and minuses to both styles.

Since becoming a published author in the throes of writing, editing, promoting and the ever revolving treadmill of social media, I find myself more of the Do-er than a Be-er. However, I do dream of a time when I can get back to some of my Be-er ways.

One thing my husband and I have in common is that when we are in “work mode” we plow full steam ahead, pushing hard to get the project done. And when we lazy around, we rather enjoy that as well.

I wonder if a Do-er and a Be-er could be involved in a long-term relationship. I imagine they could compromise and do certain things separately. Maybe it could be good with at least one person keeping the couple on task. I think my husband and I split up that job although I do most of it (waiting to hear his comment on that!). LOL!

And you, are you a do-er or a be-er?  Or a healthy combination of both?

Are any of my readers out there in a “mixed” marriage? How do you make it work?

My husband and I are lucky because we are both do-er writers, but we can easily fall into a bed day and let our characters fend for themselves for a while. And sometimes while “being”, new cool ideas pop for the do-er part of our lives.

Hope everyone is snuggling up during this cold fall.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Does Love Affect Your Sense of Smell?

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SmellAs writer of erotica and romance, I work hard to include all the senses in the act of making love throughout my novels. Lying in bed this morning, snuggling with my husband, I pondered if loving someone amplifies the pleasure that comes from smelling their natural fragrance. I love my husband’s smell and prefer it over colognes, soaps and the over use of laundry soap fragrance. Go unscented! I could rant a whole blog on the over use of fake fragrances, but let’s not. 🙂

It could just be me, because I’m very olfactory sensitive, but I do think love changes how someone smells to you. Back in my twenties I remember how my ex-boyfriend’s smell altered as soon as we broke up. And in all honesty, I’ve wondered over the years how some of the people put up with their spouse’s breath and body odor.

There have been a few colognes that I’ve been fond of, but never more than my lover’s natural aroma. Most perfume (which I do not wear) and aftershaves make me sneeze so I tend to stay away from the stuff.

I do believe that as we’ve evolved, us humans, we have learned to rely less on our sense of smell. I think that’s a huge mistake. I can tell if my husband, or our cat for the matter, is stressed out based on their scent. Maybe we would make better love matches for ourselves if we didn’t douse ourselves with so many different fragrances. I’m not above it but I do keep it to a minimum. I use scented shampoo and condition and a mild smelling soap, but my deodorant and detergent are scent free.

I have known people who practically bath in perfume and their smell wafts toward you ten feet before they approach. To me it’s more like a shield than offering allure.

I, for one, could not have a lover whose aroma I didn’t enjoy. Sex for me definitely includes my olfactory system. My husband may say this is TMI, but I love the smell of sex. Such a turn on!

So back to the art of writing which is how I started this blog. When crafting a sex scene it’s important to make it very visual and easy for the reader to follow. For me it’s also important to include sound, touch, and smell which gives the setting dimension. At least for me as a reader, I have to get lost in the scene to get turned on and the more realism we can write in, the more easily accomplished.

So I’m very curious who else might have this experience with smell. Do you love your partner’s natural scent? Has that changed over the years? Do you like making love straight out of the shower or more like me, prefer it after the smell of soap has worn away?

I smell a story coming on. 😉 Please share your thoughts.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Whaaaaaat? Self Pleasure Over Intimacy?

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Man masturbatingI find it incredibly fun to discover something I had absolutely no idea about, especially when I also find it baffling.

Did you know that some men sometimes PREFER masturbating over having sex? I had to wrap my brain around that one. I can’t imagine preferring to masturbate over having sex and my husband concurs (thanks honey!).

So I was chatting online with a friend from England and he told me this gem of information. I thought it might just be him, that men in general couldn’t possibly feel that way. Me being me, I decided to check it out and I was blown away that several other men said the same thing.

Sometimes they would rather watch porn and ride the edge of orgasm than have sex with their wives. Maybe that is saying something about their sex lives at home, but I’m just guessing. One man said that the sex with his wife had become so routine (her choice) that sometimes he would rather play on his own and search for the perfect porn to watch. Another man said that he likes to look at pictures and make it last a long time. Another guy said that masturbation is a way for him to act out his true desires because his wife is repressed.

I am happy to say that more than half the men I spoke to said they would much rather have sex than masturbate. Since I had assumed it was a given, I still find it shocking that men would rather jerk off than make love, fuck or have sex with a partner.

I do wonder if it’s the same for women. That’s definitely something to ponder.

As a writer, I’m always on the hunt for new word choices to describe the sex act and our private parts. I wrote a rather funny blog, at least I think so anyway, about words for the female anatomy which you can find here: Pussy Willow

When it comes to masturbation, I believe it’s a healthy outlet and a great way to learn about your body so you can teach what you like to others. There are lots of interesting terms to describe the act. For instance (A big thanks to my friends from the Naught Book Club for helping me with my list!):

1. Hand job
2. Five knuckle shuffle
3. Jerking off
4. Rubbing one out
5. Playing with yourself
6. Flying solo
7. Beating off
8. Diddle
9. Jacking off
10. Jilling off (Thanks Amber)
11. Pet the pussy
12. Wank
13. Slap the salami
14. Choke the Chicken
15. Wack the sack
16. Shooting off
17. Friggin’
18. Popping your nuts
19. Rosey Palm and her five sisters
20. Cranking the shaft
21. Spanking the monkey
22. Polishing the pole

As you can see the list could be endless. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.

No matter what we call it, I believe it’s a wonderful release we can give to ourselves. And as long as it doesn’t become an all-consuming activity, I say, “Yank the pud, fer sure.”

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Obstacle or Blessing?

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JettaHybrid0039Our daughter just received her driver’s license and it’s been an interesting journey.  Unlike me, who took to driving immediately, jumping at any opportunity to practice, our daughter hated driving right off the bat. I was convinced, for a short bit that she would never take to it.  In her mind, the dangers of driving were/are very real and making a mistake could be costly.

Unlike learning a language, which is her real passion, where she can get a translation wrong with no real consequences, learning to drive and making an error could cost lives. I can’t fault her for her reasoning at all.

She took her mandatory driver’s ed class last summer and didn’t drive much over the following school year. I would offer often and she had a plethora of excuses: I’m too tired, I don’t feel well, I’m too stressed, etc. We decided as a family not to pressure her but discussed her practicing over this summer before her learners permit expired.

For me, I was rather a speed demon and the day I could have my driver’s license, on my sixteenth birthday, I got it.

It was rather amazing to witness her transformation from a scared, unsure driver to one with far more confidence.  As we kept reminding her, some things require a lot of practice to master and driving is one of those things.  I asked her what changed for her and this is what she told me:

After a weekend at our cabin by the lake, she drove us home out of the mountains.  It’s a very scenic drive of winding roads and stellar mountain views.  She said that for the first time, she really enjoyed driving.  She felt relax as she drove us down the mountain.

As my husband pointed out to me as we went through this process, one thing that is very consistent with our daughter is that when something ‘clicks’ for her, she’s all over it. She’s turned into a great driver and I trust that she will always be cautious and not take the privilege for granted. In hindsight, her fear of driving wasn’t such a bad thing. It delayed her a bit but she has far more respect for what’s necessary to be a safe driver and as a mom that leaves me feeling great!

I’m a huge fan of my family and I must say that sixteen is my favorite year with my daughter so far. It’s a real honor to watch her grow into an amazing human being.

What seemed like a huge obstacle turned into a blessing. I have to remember that more when I’m lamenting over a bad review because often they still buy the next two books of the trilogy! 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Are You Naked Under those Covers?

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cos-06-sexy-naked-couple-hugging-touching-mdnI have slept in the nude since I can remember, at least from the time I dressed myself for bed, or in my case, undressed for my impending slumber.  I always found wearing clothes to be uncomfortable, confining and slightly claustrophobic.

Being a nudist, it’s surely not surprising that I prefer nakedness during sleep.  However, until just recently I didn’t know there were huge benefits to sleeping in the buff.  Thanks to my husband, who often sends me fodder to consider for my blog, I now know and will share the information with you!

The very first one I’m going to divvy up really made me chuckle and applies to women only.  It is healthier for your vagina, pussy, hoo-hoo (just for you Melissa), fanny or lady bits.  Although bacteria and yeast always exist in that special warm place, it’s really beneficial to air it out.  Go for it ladies!

You will also sleep better at night if you are cooler rather than warm.  Your body is meant to cool off as you sleep which boosts your anti-aging hormones.  A great cool night of sleep also helps your overall body composition because it increases your fat burning (you can actually lose belly fat!) and appetite suppression.

I think I need to sleep more! Off to take a nap, sans clothing.

Okay I’m back and refreshed and looking thinner already. 😉 Now I shall continue sharing other wonderful benefits of sleeping in your birthday suit.

This one is my favorite benefit. If you sleep with your partner (who is also naked) and touch and cuddle during the night like my husband and I do, you will get to experience the feel good hormone, oxytocin.  Oxytocin helps bond you with your partner and has other wonderful benefits too. This lovely natural drug decreases depression, blood pressure, stress and intestinal inflammation.  Who knew?  Plus, and I’m sure you all sorted this one out for yourselves, people tend to have more sex when they sleep together naked! Got to love that benefit.  Morning sex, here we come!!

Probably the most important benefit of sleeping naked is a better night of sleep.  Better sleep means a better day in my book.

I was also surprised that only one in ten people sleep in the nude.  So come on friends, readers, authors, family, and strangers, give it a go.

As always, I love to read your comments!

Warm hugs and keep chasing the dream,

Blakely

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