Why Women Love Their Alpha Book Boyfriends…

Posted on September 15, 2014 by blakely

by Frank Carroll http://goo.gl/idRdqV

If you’re a fan of romance or erotica, you might think women love their “alpha males” because they are perfect. However, I’m here to tell you, that isn’t so. I personally love my strong book-boyfriends flawed with room to grow. I like when there is personal conflict that needs to be resolved.

My favorite romance author, Lisa Kleypas, especially in the Hathaway Series, knows how to craft complex characters with yummy flaws to reconcile.

Some say that romance stories create an unreasonable standard for men to meet. I strongly disagree. I have found my alpha male (19+ years together) who is my utter complement. Continue reading →

The Power of Choice

Posted on September 8, 2014 by blakely

My husband and I were at a small art fair this weekend selling our books. A woman stopped at our table and mentioned—rather passionately—that she abhorred 50 Shades of Grey (she had read the first two books). She was concerned about the lack of consensual sex in 50 Shades and at least to me, in the first book it was clearly 100% Anastasia’s decision (I haven’t read the other two). Grey placed all his cards on the table in FSOG and Ana knew what she was getting into. Continue reading →

Man Sweat

Posted on August 26, 2014 by blakely

by Tony Alter – http://goo.gl/PRbpem

A while back I read an interesting article entitled, “Why the Smell of a Man’s Armpit is a Turn-on” by Fiona Macrae. I found it especially intriguing because we as a cultured do so much to try to cover our natural scent.

According to the article, male sweat contains a compound called Androstadienone. Scientists say that just a few sniffs and a woman’s mood is lightened and her sexual arousal is raised. Continue reading →

While I Was Away

Posted on August 19, 2014 by blakely

Alice Popkorn – http://goo.gl/ex4LVu

What I realized:
While taking time off from social media and writing, it became clear to me that I need to spend more time doing what I truly love to do and spend less hours of the day on social media constantly pushing and promoting. I’m not saying there is no value to promoting; however I do believe that more books and less promotion will generate more sales than fewer novels and more advertising. Continue reading →

Why I Haven’t Been Writing

Posted on July 8, 2014 by blakely

I’ve been protecting myself. And in a place of self-protection, I can’t create, I can’t be vulnerable, I can’t be empathic to my characters. It’s not that the story isn’t there or that I’m stuck. I’m not. The truth is I don’t feel like writing another book. My heart hurts.

I’m a pretty intelligent sort and I know with all creative endeavors there are critics. So it would be beyond stupid of me to expect none. What I didn’t expect was mean. I have never written a mean review in my life because I know that if a story or a piece of art isn’t for me, it just isn’t. I don’t have to bash and shame and degrade other writers or artists. I don’t even have to understand their point.

Right now I’m exhausted and I’m pissing and moaning. Please forgive me. I’m just tired of pushing so hard. I wish I had the self-esteem of my husband (an enviable trait) because then I’d just brush off any negative review and focus on the abundance of positive ones. I’d persevere. And I will. I’ll get back to it. I’ll come out of hiding and let my guard down again, soon.

I’m in limbo waiting to see what happens with Bittersweet Deceit coming out August 5^th. Then I will decide if I want to continue chasing the dream full-time.

I just finished watching Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren’t The Ones Who Count:

She makes an interesting point, well several, but the one I’m pointing out is about courage. She says it’s an important value to hold. Am I courageous? Sometimes I am. I think what I need more is tenacity.

Brené shared on her video my favorite quote of all time:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Maybe I need to read the quote every single day! One hundred days in a row!

Make sure to check out the video above. It was a good reminder to me that only the courageous persevere.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Is Reading Erotica Good for You?

Posted on June 30, 2014 by blakely

Now let me explain before you go shaking your head like Lainie often does in Bittersweet Deceit (out August 5th). You might be shocked to find out that reading erotica, especially for women who are experiencing a drop in their libido, will help revive or amp up their sex life. There are plenty of the health benefits, which come from masturbation as well. Women going through “the change” greatly reduce their symptoms of dryness and hot flashes with regular orgasms.

Reading can help get you in the mood for some loving as I’ve been told from my readers time and again. Some even reread the scenes they like the best to get revved up. Many have mentioned reading the stories out loud to their partner. Continue reading →

What Makes Us Happy?

Posted on June 23, 2014 by blakely

On Saturday night my husband, Dana, and I went to a dance and when…

…HAPPY started to play I thought about what really makes me happy. You might be surprised to learn that being an author—my dream job—so far hasn’t done that. I have happy moments for sure. Fabulous reviews, meeting my readers, forging new friendships, being satisfied with my writing but overall I honestly can’t say it’s made me happy on an ongoing basis. It can be hard, frustrating, annihilating, disheartening and many other adjectives. ME_293_WantYouToBeHappy Continue reading →

Does Writing a Sex Scene Turn You On?

Posted on May 19, 2014 by blakely

I have participated in many interviews, however a close male friend of mine asked me one of the best questions I have ever been asked. “Is writing a sex scene mechanical or does it turn you on?” Here is what I said, “If it’s not turning me on, then I’m doing something wrong.” Do I orgasm when I’m writing a sex scene? No, but that would be a nice perk. LOL! Continue reading →

Jealousy in Life and in Fiction

Posted on May 5, 2014 by blakely

In my latest WIP, Bittersweet Deceit, jealousy raises its ugly head for a few characters. As a society we seem to deem jealousy as a bad emotion, but I believe that rash generalization is misguided.

I’m not referring to the type of jealousy that creates stalkers and/or extreme controlling behavior but more your run of the mill discomfort. Continue reading →

My Review of Reviewers and Myself

Posted on April 14, 2014 by blakely

I keep promising myself (a losing battle) I will stop reading my reviews. Most are good (if not excellent) for Stuck in Between, but if I take to heart what reviewers say, I would live in a constant state of ambiguity.

I am stunned when a reviewer chooses my book, with a cover of a naked woman sandwich between two mostly naked men, and then is aghast that within the storyline there is ménage à trois. Someone even said it made her blush. Why, oh why are you reading erotica in the first place? Carefully put the book down and move over to the romance section.

If I sound like I’m ranting, I am, and mostly at myself for reading the reviews in the first place.

If you know me, then you know my favorite part of being an author is connecting with my readers so this isn’t a slam against them. I love you! It is me trying to sort through all the differing opinions. “Is it that way for everyone?” I ask myself, but then I know it’s not so for my husband’s novel, Geared to the Present. I haven’t read one disunited view.

I’m never going to write cookie cutter erotica or romance. It’s not my style. I want people to say, “I’ve never read another story like it.” And luckily, most people do say that. Also, I refused to make every character perfect and likeable. Not only is that not real life but it’s not interesting either—at least not to me. I like my characters to be intriguing and flaw with a past that still needs to be sorted through.

If you think I’m going on about nothing, I’d like to present a few examples and I will paraphrase:

You use too many terms to say cock. Stick to one. VS Your word choices for cock are redundant. Find more words.
Your sex scenes were smoking hot and each one was completely different (most reviewers, thankfully, agree with this one) VS Sex scenes were redundant and I expected them to be hotter.
Someone actually had the gall to say Red shouldn’t have suggested the arrangement he did. THAT’S the story. Feel free to write your own.
Many, if not most, couldn’t put the book down, even those that thought the story was “just okay”.

I promise to get off my high horse in a minute but I have to say this and get it all out of my system: If you can’t put a book down, read it in one day (350 pages), and plan to read more in the series, it is not a 3, 2 or 1 star book. It’s not. I’m sorry and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Okay, girl, take a breath and be done with this. Stepping down. I think you can all see why it would be much healthier for me to stop reading my reviews, and how it’s really like a bad addiction. As my friend Tami said, “It’s like that crash where you know you should look away but watch anyway.

I just need to get next to the fact that my stories provoke strong emotions from my readers.

I’ve come to realize that sometimes, not often but sometimes, I don’t feel appreciated for the hard work I do. I’m working on writing my stories and letting the chips fall where they may.

Just like my characters, I’m a work in process. I’ll get there eventually.