Tag Archives: connection

True Connection

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www.redefiningthefaceofbeauty.com

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I had an interesting conversation with a friend about disciplining children. I have always contended that violence to a child is completely unnecessary. In fact, I believe it sends the wrong message. However, I could see her point that growing up on a farm and all the dangers present there created a culture of expedient punishment.

I shared an example from a time where our daughter went through a violent stage. It makes completely no sense to me that I would hit her because she hit or bit me. What the hell would that teach? Because I’m bigger and in charge, it’s okay for me to use violence? Instead—and believe me, she gave us a run for our money between 2 ½ and 4—what I said was that she needed to learn to use her words to communicate how she was feeling and not her hands, feet or teeth (yes, she was a bitter.) I also said, “Do I hit you when I’m angry or upset?” She said, “No.” “Do I hit Daddy when I’m upset?” She said, “No.” I believe modeling is the most effective way to teach children. The motto, “Do what I say, not what I do,” is utter bullshit. We, as humans, learn by example. Fortunately for us, the violent stage past quickly.

I believe if you are connected with your children, it’s far easier to use other methods of discipline that do not include violence, because the child actually cares what you feel, and in turn you care what they feel. Continue reading →

Evoking Attraction and Chemistry with the Written Word

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As an author who loves to craft stories about relationships; attraction and chemistry are phenomena I spend a lot of time thinking about. For instance, how the energetic pull looks and feels and how I can best communicate it on the page.

When I was in my early 20s, I met a guy out dancing and when we locked eyes, I felt riveted. He was the worst kind of match for me but oh my god, the chemistry was insane. He was a rock star kisser as well which didn’t help matters. However, he was in a really bad place in his life and emotionally unavailable. Our chemistry felt so intense that I could feel him when he entered the club without being able to see him and he always seemed to know what I was thinking.

Years later, I saw him again and I couldn’t even conjure a shred of that crazy attraction I had felt with him. I had grown up and so had he and it just wasn’t there anymore.

I find attraction and chemistry to be baffling at times and very unpredictable. I have had chemistry in the past with men who I didn’t even particularly like and then zero with men who I found very good looking and appealing. It’s amazing to me that getting to know someone can totally change their appearance to me for the good or the bad.

At other times in my life there have been people who I really liked and enjoyed but found zero chemistry and I mean that for physical attraction but sometimes with friendship chemistry as well. A woman not long ago moved into our community and we hit it off instantly, quickly finding a place where we could share the REAL stuff that we are dealing with in life. It seems like we’ve been friends for years and at the same time there are many people I have known for years and have forged no real connection.

Luckily for me, I still feel incredible chemistry with my husband. That seems to die out for many people in long-term relationships but I would have to venture a guess that attraction wanes as the connection wanes. For us, we grow closer and more connected as time passes and we get to share more of life’s adventures together.

I believe attraction, chemistry and/or connection aren’t always a rational process. I think they live outside of the realm of the conscious mind.

I have often wondered if wild and crazy attraction is couple with an emotionally bad mix. I played with that very notion in the My Body Trilogy.

For me, humor, intelligence, affection, creativity, transparency and openness really attracts me to the people in my life. What about you? What attracts you or pulls you in? Have you had experiences with crazy chemistry?

This blog was inspired by an English friend I know who finds laughter to be one of most attractive aspects of a woman. Thanks Rupert for the suggestion. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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