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I had an interesting conversation with a friend about disciplining children. I have always contended that violence to a child is completely unnecessary. In fact, I believe it sends the wrong message. However, I could see her point that growing up on a farm and all the dangers present there created a culture of expedient punishment.

I shared an example from a time where our daughter went through a violent stage. It makes completely no sense to me that I would hit her because she hit or bit me. What the hell would that teach? Because I’m bigger and in charge, it’s okay for me to use violence? Instead—and believe me, she gave us a run for our money between 2 ½ and 4—what I said was that she needed to learn to use her words to communicate how she was feeling and not her hands, feet or teeth (yes, she was a bitter.) I also said, “Do I hit you when I’m angry or upset?” She said, “No.” “Do I hit Daddy when I’m upset?” She said, “No.” I believe modeling is the most effective way to teach children. The motto, “Do what I say, not what I do,” is utter bullshit. We, as humans, learn by example. Fortunately for us, the violent stage past quickly.

I believe if you are connected with your children, it’s far easier to use other methods of discipline that do not include violence, because the child actually cares what you feel, and in turn you care what they feel. Continue reading →