Tag Archives: erotica

An Epiphany

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After the book signing last week, I had an epiphany.  It sort of runs along the lines of expectations but goes a bit deeper I think.  I will do my best to try to elegantly share my thoughts with you.

I believe that all of my stress or strife over life is self-imposed.  I’m not referring to tragic world events or when some you really care about is ill.  I’m talking about the daily bump-ups against life.  I realized that my reactions are solely based on how I think things should be or how I would like them to go against what actually is.  I’m not referring to the now popular adage of “Be Here Now” or even “Living in the Moment”.  For me, distraction is highly underrated and should be used often.  Fantasizing is not being in the moment and it’s how I create and write.  What I’m addressing is about getting next to “what is” and in that place I can find the grace.  Life is an adventure and we can fight it all along the way or find a way to enjoy the ride.

I realized that I am more go-with-the-flow than I originally gave myself credit for, or maybe I have just recently moved into a different frame of mind.

How does this impact my writing?  Glad you asked. 🙂  There were times when I was writing My Body-His where the story went into a completely different direction than I thought it would and I actually panicked a few times telling my husband I needed to scrap and rewrite.  I never did and what I think happened is that it offered the story unpredictability because even I didn’t predict it.  These days, I follow where my characters take me without the stress because it’s their story after all.

My husband wrote a book many years ago called Evolving Paradigms which spoke of the limiting effects that takes place when you get locked into a particular paradigm and cease to grow.  The pertinent part of the book for this blog has to do with the premise that we function during the course of our lives in three ways: as reactors, responders, and initiators.  We are born as reactors and during that phase we have no control over how we respond to situations or stimulus.  As we grow and mature, we still react, but we can pause long enough to choose how we would like to respond.  Ultimately the goal would be to evolve into initiators who are controlled less by their reactions and a need to respond by releasing the struggle that goes with wanting to have control over the uncontrollable.

Luke, in My Body-His and My Body-His (Marcello), must maintain control of his life at all times and Jane, although she does try to please him, is not a natural submissive and is ultimately a force in Luke’s life that he cannot control.  Because of Luke’s upbringing, which you find out more about in the second book of the My Body Trilogy, his need for complete obedience becomes his own downfall.

For me however, getting next to “what is” and letting go of how I think it should be or go really frees me to enjoy the rollercoaster of life and sway with the ebb and flow.  The humorous part for me is that I can’t change “what is” by sheer will and holding onto the false image of how things should be is just unnecessary conflict I create within my life.

I don’t mean to imply I am cured from getting miffed over life circumstances sometimes, however I think I have found a new ease with the dance.

Love to read your thoughts on this realization of mine and how you cope with life’s twists and turns. Please comment.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

BDSM Bedtime Stories – Audio excerpt from My Body-His (Marcello)

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I’m happy to share an audio excerpt from the second novel of the My Body Trilogy, My Body-His (Marcello).  It’s a hot and sexy f/f scene for your audio pleasure.  A huge thanks to BookAddict ~ La Crimson Femme for making the recording.

Adult content: Must be 18 or older.

Please comment and let me know what you think and like on youtube.

Thanks and warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Happy New Year and 2013 Intentions

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I find the New Year to be a great time to reflect on people and events that I’m truly grateful for from 2012 and set my intentions for the coming year.

Let me begin by saying a big thanks to you, my readers, for checking out my blog and for supporting my dreams by purchasing my novels.  Without you, my dreams could never become a reality.

I feel incredibly grateful to my husband who pushed me to try again to get My Body-His published in 2012. Having someone supporting you in pursuit of your dreams is invaluable. I’m grateful for Catherine from Fanny Press who saw and sees the value in my writing.

I’m grateful for my daughter who is an exceptional teenager and makes me feel like the best mother in the world and for my two stepdaughters and family that I love so much. I so appreciate my family and close friends for their enthusiasm and support of me chasing my dreams.

I’m hugely grateful to have found a man who encourages me to be me and for loving me all the while. Isn’t that what we are all looking for?

And finally, I’m grateful to myself for taking better care of my body and spirit this year and taking the risk of seeking publishing for my dark erotic novels.

I read an article the other day “Five Things You Can Do Instead of New Year’s Resolution” by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. which suggested that instead of setting your New Year’s resolutions you would serve yourself better by doing these five things:

  1. Write yourself a letter from your future self, letting you know what accomplishments you made in 2013.  Kind of like positive projection from your older self. (We did a dream list instead which was a lot of fun to do.)
  2. List your favorite moments and accomplishments from 2012.  (I like this one a lot. I think it’s too easy to focus on the negative and far more helpful to our overall outlook if we focus on the positive.)
  3. She goes on to suggest that we should make a list of the five things we are most looking forward to in 2013. (We decided to create a list of intentions.)
  4. List what you are grateful for. (See above.  That was my list from Thanksgiving which is another yearly tradition.)
  5. Lastly, make a commitment to someone else. She recommends donating your time or money to a cause you care about.

I have set a handful of intentions for the new year and I will share a few of them with you:

  • I will continue to take great care of my body and spirit and to increase my fitness while maintaining my current weight. (There is nothing better than exercise to keep me grounded and positive.)
  • I will finish My Body-Mine, the third novel in the My Body Trilogy no later than March 1st.  I plan to have the first draft done by the end of January but want to have plenty of time to edit and rework as necessary.
  • As soon as MBM is finalized, I will help my husband finish, edit and get his novel published.  I’m very excited to help him accomplish his dreams as well.
  • Find more cool places to hike in the Northwest!  Have any suggestions for me?

I would love to hear what you have set for your intentions in the New Year. Please share with us.

Check back next week for my blog called Pussywillow. 😉

Warm hugs and safe partying,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

BDSM

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It has been interesting to read the reviews from people within the BDSM lifestyle.  I regret not placing an author’s note at the beginning of My Body-His explaining that this novel is not about a healthy Dom/sub relationship but quite to the contrary.  I never set out to depict a story with a healthy power dynamic. Jane’s journey is a dark one with ultimate self-recovery in the end.

I have no issues at all with the lifestyle and my novel was never meant to be a negative commentary of BDSM.

For me there are healthy and unhealthy relationships in any given dynamic and I assumed, falsely I’m now gathering, that people would see Jane’s and Luke’s relationship for what it is.  Sometimes two people come together and it’s a toxic mix. I see BDSM as the backdrop in their dysfunctional dance.

Relationships have been the subject matter of novels for forever and typically if you pick up a romance novel you are expecting it to be a good coupling or at least a good resolution and coming together in the end.  In erotic suspense, which is the genre of My Body-His, there definitely should not be the same expectations.

I do wonder if people assume because the book is erotica that also means romance.  There is a huge difference between erotic suspense and erotic romance.

From reading the reviews and talking to friends I now know that Luke and Jane’s relationship is a TPE (total power exchange). That notion seems to piss off the BDSM reviewers the most because Jane doesn’t seem to really want it. I would argue that she does choose it regardless of the conflict she feels over it.

I must add that I’m loving that people are having passionate responses to My Body-His and I know My Body-His (Marcello) will equally push the edge of your emotions, rooting Jane on to take her life back.

I welcome your comments on this topic.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Reviews

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It has been interesting for me to read the reviews of My Body-His. The last two reviewers really hated Luke, the main male character. I imagined people would feel more like Bookie Nookie who wrote, “Honestly, Luke is one of those heroes you love to hate and I can’t really decide at the moment if I want him or want to kill him.”

I don’t quite understand the abject hatred of Luke. I see him as a flawed, damaged character and Jane can choose to leave at any time. Of course, I know more of the back story than the rest of the readers that comes to light in My Body-His (Marcello) the second book of the My Body trilogy. I didn’t intend for people to hate him, however I did hope people would feel Jane’s plight and it is clear to me that is happening.

I honestly see more of a love to hate him scenario than a hate to hate him. It will be interesting to hear the views of the men who read the novel (all the reviewers have been female so far). I wonder if men will feel the same way about Luke.

One reviewer didn’t care for Jane either and another said she thought Jane was addicted to the orgasms Luke doled out. I don’t see Jane as addicted to the sex which Luke uses to keep her engaged. She is addicted to his love and approval which he dishes out and then takes away again. That is the addiction for Jane.

Of course the wonderful thing about reading a book is that you get to decide what it all means to you and with that, I will let you all decide for yourself.

Now that the book is out, I would love to know what you think.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Limerence and/or NRE

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“Limerence” and New Relationship Energy (NRE) is the state of biochemical pleasure that so many people crave and yet really don’t understand. It’s the very intense feelings you have in the beginning of a new relationship. Dorothy Tennov coined the term limerence in 1979 in her book called, “Love and Limerence”.

Limerence can cause a whole host of behaviors from the more mild forms of being unable to focus, always thinking about the person of desire, checking your phone or email messages obsessively, and in the most extreme cases you might find a person resorting to stalking behaviors. NRE is a term used in the same vein but without the obsessive aspects.

Jane, most definitely suffers from limerence in My Body-His and confuses it with love.

Most people, like Jane’s character, are unconscious about what motivates their choices and decisions when in a limerent or NRE state and tend to confuse it with love. If people were more aware of the neurological effects, they could still enjoy the wonderful biochemical dance running through their blood stream but not succumb to the crazy behaviors or thought patterns that can manifest during the throes of unbridled hormonal passion best known as dopamine- the “LOVE” connection.

People, who tend to have very short-term relationships, are probably addicted to the limerent chemical rush and/or NRE. As soon as its effects begin to wear off, they move on to a “new” relationship. Hey, it’s good stuff and rumor has it that it can last up to 2 years. I’m here to testify that the good parts can last much, much longer when there is open and honest communication and ongoing intimacy. My husband and I still have it!

Limerence, not understood, can lead people to make bad choices for themselves like moving across the country for someone they barely know or getting married before they have figured out whether or not they are truly compatible or ending a long marriage over an affair.

I think NRE is great and know it can really work for people if they stay conscious enough to deal with it responsibly and knowledgably. Let love rule but don’t let it cloud your brain.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

Man Sweat

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I recently read an interesting article entitled “Why the smell of a man’s armpit is a turn-on” by Fiona Macrae. I find it especially intriguing because we as a cultured do so much to try to cover our natural odors.

According to the article, male sweat contains a compound called Androstadienone. Scientists say that just a few sniffs and a woman’s mood is lightened and her sexual arousal is raised.

I have no doubts about this at all. A good manly smell is such a turn on and now I know that this smell affects me hormonally, physiologically, and psychologically according to the article. What a power packed punch!

Another interesting fact stated in the article is that women on the pill seem to be immune to the smell.

They did another interesting study where women were broken into two groups. One group rated photos of men and the second group rated the same photos but unbeknownst to them they were subjected to the smell of male sweat at the same time. The women in the second group rated the men much higher than the women in the first group.

It was also mentioned in the article that we use smell to find a good match. The more different they smell from us the better the match in regards to the immune system and it keep us from mating with those genetically close to us.

I feel the need to make the pitch to reduce all the unnecessary smells in our lives especially scented laundry detergent. I personally hate to hug someone and get the stinky laundry detergent smell. It’s so egregious that it covers everything else.

This is probably TMI but I adore my husband’s smell and in fact if he has showered I’m not as turned on by his scent. I much prefer his smell by the end of the day!

This leads me to another thought. Can you be in love with someone whose smell you don’t like? I would think not. What do you think?

To all my friends, fans, and their families on the east coast, you are in my thoughts tonight and I hope that you all weathered this storm unharmed.  Here’s hoping the clean up and recovery go quickly and smoothly.  Having experienced too many hurricanes in Florida I now reside in the Great Northwest.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

Values and Standards

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Values and standards are an interesting topic to me because they express so many dimensions that can effect a person’s life. I think one of the biggest impacts happens when we allow other people’s standards or values to dictate how we see ourselves or worse how we choose to behave because of fear of rejection or other negative ramifications. Our personal choices are the most powerful attribute we have as humans so why do we give it away?

The timeliest example I can think of has to do with my novels.  When I first tried to find an agent back in early 2009, I still had a very hard time talking about my books.  I felt embarrassed by what I thought other people would think.  Would they think me a sex fiend or assume, as some have, that the story is about me?  Could their opinions of me be so changeable regarding the dream I had chosen?  I think the biggest internal conflict people face is the pull between what they deem as right and good and the pressure that comes from other people’s opinions or worse, judgments.

I believe that relationships can be the hardest arena to navigate these issues.   I’m certain you won’t find any two people who agree on everything. The worst thing you can do in a relationship is take the position that YOUR values and YOUR standards are better/higher than another’s values.  The truth is that a lot of what we buy into is a fundamental part of our upbringing and cultural and even time period. So one’s values are not better than another, just different.

I’m happy to report that my feelings regarding my own works of fiction have changed.  The change came prior to the 50 Shades phenomena but I’m certain that the door has been opened to allow greater acceptance of alternative erotica because of E L James.

In My Body-His, Jane battles this very issue and allows it to create a gulf between her and her best friends.  She assumes her friends will not understand her choices and will instead be judgmental.  Instead of going to them for much needed support, she struggles on her own which leaves her feeling isolated and confused.

I think the best course of action is to feel good about our own choices without worrying too much about what the rest of the world might think about the routes we have chosen.  No greatness has come from following the pathway already carved.

How do differing values and standards effect your life?  Please share with us.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

The Love Debate

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A while back my husband and I debated whether love is something that never dies or something you can fall in and out of. There are people who I have loved but no longer love. It’s my husband’s contention that I was never in love with them in the first place.

I have a less ethereal view of love. I believe love takes time and attention. If love is not nurtured over a long period of time it will wane or change. I also believe love can die or be cut out of you with painful, hurtful, or neglectful behaviors.

My husband asked me how I can be committed to anyone if I believe love can die. One, I don’t see love and commitment as the same thing and two, love that is nurtured stays alive and strong. My relationship with my husband is living proof of that.

I have heard it said, over and over, “I still love her…I’m just not ‘in love’ with her anymore.” I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean. You still care about them but you have no desire to be intimate emotionally or physically?

I think many people confuse love with New Relationship Energy (NRE), lust, and/or limerence. They each inspire all those wonderful biochemicals we get to experience in the beginning of a relationship or romance.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. To me love grows over time. However, I do believe strongly in lust at first sight. Although both Jane and Luke in My Body-His would say that they fell in love at first sight, I would have to argue that chemistry and lust consumed them both to such an extent that it felt like love to them.

I have not loved any other man in the way I love my husband. I have grown and changed over our years together as has my capacity to love. I do believe that if we stopped nurturing our connection that our love would eventually fade away or transform into a different kind of love.  In the same way I believe love evolves over time, I believe love devolves without the necessary attention.

Where do you fall in this debate? Do you believe that love is everlasting? Or do you believe love has the capacity to last a lifetime but can also die out?

Please share your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakely Bennett
www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

A Day I Will Never Forget

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Today is a day I will not soon forget. I’m so excited to announce that My Body-His is available for pre-sale on Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349278898&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His

Each step in the process is bringing me closer and closer to fulfilling a long standing dream. I remember writing stories and poetry in my early 20s and dreaming of having my novel chosen for Oprah’s book club. Gone is Oprah’s show but the dream has never faded. I still hope to get on a talk show, do book signings, and see my novels on the New York Best Seller’s Lists. My daughter’s pick is for me to get on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Still a long way for me to go, I know, but so much closer than I have ever been.  🙂

I feel emotional and elated today. People have told me they pre-ordered the book and it’s made me tear up. My husband and daughters are so excited as well.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in becoming a published author.  Words of encouragement go a long way. Thank you!

Warm hugs,

Blakely
http://www.amazon.com/Blakely-Bennett/e/B009LB3420
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300