Tag Archives: expectations

Sex is So Much More

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Sex encompasses way more than the mere physical act especially when occurring in a long-term committed relationship. Sex is wholly gratifying in more ways than just the mere orgasmic experience.  As I’ve written before, there are many health benefits to having a healthy sex life but it encompasses even more.

A person gets to feel sexy and competent in bringing their husband or lover to satisfaction and satiation. Partners get to relive the best parts of sex and be excited about cumming together again. They can explore fantasies and continually grow in their trust with one another.

The physical expression of love helps people to feel more bonded and close to their partners. How can leaving sex out of the marriage equation be a good thing? I am baffled and intrigued by how many marriages seem to stay together with infrequent or no sex.

They tell me that there are other parts of the relationship that are great. They are friends, their wives or husbands are great moms or dads, and/or they have built a life together. Those are great parts of a marriage for sure and I don’t minimize them, but why is it that in our society sex seems to be the hardest thing to discuss openly. I do wonder sometimes if some women lose interest in their spouse because they aren’t satisfied and yet are too scared/worried to ask for what they want and need. I believe talking about sexual preferences is one of the best ways of increasing intimacy.

Why do we need to take it personally if someone wants a harder or softer touch or prefers one act or position to another? I know for me the things I really enjoy have changed over the years. This might be different for men but great sex happens for me, and I believe for most women, with greater connection and greater trust than a one night stand can provide.

I do differentiate between making love and fucking and frankly they both have their place of appreciation in my life. But even when my husband and I are experiencing raw passion with each other, a deep level of connection still exists.

I think our generation should do our damnedest to shift the culture of our society so we don’t have another generation treating sex like it has to be some big secret or something we can’t be honest about.

Hope you all had a great weekend! As always, I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on the topic.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Reviews: To Read or Not to Read

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That is the question.  It’s always great to get a good review, no one minds that.  However, a scathing review—I have never even remotely written one—is rather hard to swallow.  Frankly, if I hated a book, I would never finish it.   I have had people not like My Body-His and yet say they plan to read the second and third book of the Trilogy.  Not that I mind, but what is that about?

Fortunately, most of my reviews have been great or at least good.  I knew, going into getting published, that not everyone would enjoy the suspense, tension, excitement of Jane’s journey.  All anyone has to do is read reviews on anything like movies, music, art shows, etc. to know, there are always contrary view points.  This is where I either need to grow tougher skin or stop reading the reviews.  So it begs the question, should I keep reading them or not?  I’m not sure I have the self-discipline at this point to stay away.  Especially with My Body-His (Marcello) hitting the stands in March.

On the plus side of all this review business, when I received my very first one star review from La Crimson Femme, I thought it such a great review (she loved my writing style but not the story), that I thanked her for the review.  People had commented below her post, wondering what the author was thinking regarding a few choices in the novel so I began a dialogue with the reviewer and a few other people which can be found on Goodreads.

She later asked me if I would be interested in participating in the BDSM Bedtime Stories that they create using a scene from an erotic novel.  I was pleased to be asked and we have forged a tremendous respect for one another.

Entering into any new venture there is always so much to learn.  I have discovered yet again the power of being kind and respectful.  Check out La Crimson Femme’s blog which has the audio BDSM Bedtime Story from My Body-His (Marcello).  Below the audio is a blog she wrote about me: http://lacrimsonfemme.blogspot.com/2013/01/hot-little-ff-audio-excerpt.html?zx=f35fec209eb6fd28  Thanks again LCF!

I’m still on the fence regarding reading more reviews but I now know never to read the bad ones when I’m not feeling well and my defenses are down.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to the New Year.  Love to read your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Expectations Part Deux

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In my first blog on expectations I wrote about positive and negative filters but didn’t address being invested in a particular outcome. I remember a great example of a time when my expectations were sorely tested. One Saturday morning, the only day that week we had to sleep in, we were lying in bed beginning to get amorous but still not quite part of the waking world when the phone rang at 9:00 AM…rude on a Saturday in my not so humble opinion.

This was back when I was doing bookkeeping and there was a meeting set for the morning. I had previously provided them with the reports they had requested but the man on the phone wanted more. So I booted up my computer and shot over more reports. Then, before I could steal back to bed, another call came in asking me financial questions that my brain was not up to speed to answer. Keep in mind this meeting was formed and called at the last minute on a Saturday morning which I was NOT required to attend. Turns out the financial question was a simple one that had I been asked later in the day would have been blatantly apparent but instead, an hour passed until it was resolved. Anger had done its job by that point in waking me up completely.

So what does all of that have to do with expectations? By the time the impromptu phone conference finished, neither my husband nor I were in the head space to head back to bed. Our expectations for our Saturday morning were shot and really affected our mood.

My idealized self is a go-with-the-flow kind of woman but the truth of me is that a very aggravating meeting first thing in the morning messed with my mojo. I’m happy to say we were able to shake it off by that evening and had a wonderful Sunday together but it certainly made me think about how attached I am to my expectations.

To me it felt especially harsh given that Saturdays are MY time with my husband and I hate when other people’s piss poor planning effects my day. The hardest part was being aware of how much it impacted both my husband and me. It did, however, stimulate another blog for me to write so it wasn’t all bad. 😉

I do tend to be flexible about change especially when it’s not interfering with my free time. My husband and daughter have a harder time adjusting to unexpected change and it’s a good thing to know about a person. It makes it easier to understand why someone gets upset when things go in an unexpected direction.

I know I could have chosen not to answer the phone that morning and if I had to do it all over again I probably would have let the call go to voice mail. Next time I will.

I must add the caveat that for people like me, who like surprises, the unexpected can sometimes be very welcomed. Just don’t get me out of bed early when I have other things on my mind!

How do you handle unexpected changes when you have expectations of how something will go? Is it easy for you to let it roll off your back or do you have a hard time adjusting? Please share your comments and stories.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Expectations and Filters

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A while back, my husband put a new hinge on our daughter’s bedroom door so her cat can go in and out without our daughter having to open and close it for the cat. We have the same hinge on the door to our family room and Joey, the cat, has no problems going in and out by himself. However, it took the silly cat a long time to figure out that he could now open our daughter’s door the same way. He expected that he could not open the door, so in turn he could not until he learned otherwise.

I think we humans behave in the same way. We harbor expectations that can be powerful in influencing the way events are shaped. I think we often experience what we expect to experience. I say, focus on the positive and the chances of a positive outcome are so much better. I’m no Pollyanna and understand life isn’t always that simple but I also have known enough people with different mind sets to witness how much a person’s overall point of view can affect their experience of life.

We have a limited capacity for absorbing copious amounts of information, so we have evolved into creatures of deletion. We filter either consciously or unconsciously to keep our sanity about us. How is it that several people can share an experience, one person can walk away feeling great about it and another person can be sorely disappointed?  To me it comes down to filters and expectations.

Many factors can influence how we take in and process information, everything from biochemistry to a spilled cup of coffee. You might wake up in a bad mood and the day just goes downhill from there or you get the job you were hoping for and the world is a wonderful place.

The events that just took place in Connecticut really rocked both my husband and me.  It really affected our moods and outlooks.  For both of us it was compounded by the gun advocates and some of their crazy rhetoric and the religious sect saying that it happened because god isn’t allowed in schools. I wish I had filtered out all that noise that further hurt my heart.

I think some of our expectations and filters, as in this case of Sandy Hook, simply come down to inherent personality traits and/or modeling. I personally prefer to focus on the positive and keep my expectations up, even in the face of tragedy but it was really hard after the events in Connecticut.

I know you won’t always get a great outcome just because you think you might and vice versa but I do think if you interface with the world from a negative space, you will find all the negativity you need or want to make yourself right and justify your actions.

I wish there was something profound I could say to the people who have recently been touched by the barbaric violence of late. I can only hope that it motivates change in our current gun laws, mental health practices and causes the shift we all so need.

On a more positive note, I have found, in regards to making friends, that the best filter in the world is me being me. Of course, it’s not about how I filter information but more about how others filter me. 🙂 I am straight forward and that works for some people and for others, not so much. Some like my style which is great and some find me too blunt and quickly move along. As we have told our daughter repeatedly over the years, the best way to find the people you really connect with is by showing your true self.

How do you see your expectations and filters impacting your life? I would love to read your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakey

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