Tag Archives: My Body trilogy

An Ode to My Husband

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the-kiss-1904Okay, it’s not really a lyrical poem but I love the title. I feel so lucky to have my husband and want to let him know. He is working hard for us so I can write my novels, blogs, edit, and do social media without having to work at the same time. Our dream is to make enough money from our books so we both get to stay home and write to our hearts content.

I miss him when he is gone all day and the weekend is barely enough time to get my fill of him. The other day I said to him, “Every day I feel so exceedingly lucky that you are my best friend and partner in life,” and he said, “I feel exactly the same way about you.” How sweet is that?

We have been together eighteen years now and it just keeps getting better. It certainly hasn’t always been perfect and we’ve had to go through some growing pains together. Any long-term relationship must evolve or it dies, in my not so humble opinion. Fortunately for us, we seem to grow closer and closer together as time passes.

Why do I think my husband is so wonderful besides making it possible for me to be a full-time writer? Well in all honesty he is the best kisser and lover I have ever had. He still finds me sexy and attractive after all this time. He has loved me thinner than I am now and also heavier. There is no other person in the world I’d rather spend my time with and he showers me daily with affection. We kiss and hug goodbye in the morning and snuggle on the couch in the evening. He spoons me to sleep at night and we often share our dreams in the morning with my head on his chest.

Our daughter says we are like teenagers together, still very much in love. Not that long ago, she told us that a friend of ours and mother to her friend asked if we are really as happy as we seem. The mother assumed we acted one way around other people and another behind closed doors. My daughter said, “Nope, they’re always like that. They fight on the rare occasion but what you see is what you get.”

Some people have assumed that I have been through the experiences that I’ve written about in the My Body Trilogy. Sorry to let you down but it’s entirely fiction. Although I didn’t meet my husband until I was twenty-eight years old, I never had a Luke or Marcello in my life. I just have an overgrown, overactive, twisted imagination. 😉 Fortunately my husband loves how my mind works. He is the one who pushed me to try to get published again and is my greatest and most supportive fan.

Love is an important factor in relationship but don’t underestimate “like”. I not only love my husband dearly but I like him so much. He is the coolest person I know other than the kids.

Thank you, love, for being there for me and making our lives so yummy and juicy. I’m the luckiest woman I know.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Blakely’s Friday Interview with Lynne Stringer

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Lynne1-editedPlease give a warm welcome to Lynne Stringer, author of The Heir.

Tell us a bit about yourself and what you’re currently working on or promoting.
My name is Lynne Stringer and I live in Australia with my family. I’ve been interested in writing for most of my life. My father’s a writer, although he favours non-fiction books and I gravitate more towards fiction. I have worked as a journalist for a small magazine, which I also edited for seven years. However, I have always loved making up stories, so it was only a matter of time before I turned my attention to novels. My first novel, The Heir, is out on 1st June. It’s the first book in the Verindon trilogy.
What genre is your book? Do you write in other genres as well?
The Heir is a young adult, science fiction romance. I would be open to writing in just about any genre if I had the inspiration for a story, but I do like both sci-fi and romance. I think anything I wrote would have to have a love story in it somewhere.
Do you have an agent and/or publisher or are you self-published? If self-published, do you use a professional editor? If traditionally published, who is your publisher?
I don’t have an agent, although I did try to get one. Getting an agent is definitely harder than getting published! My publisher, Wombat Books, is a traditional publisher, which I’m happy with, especially since it meant that my book received much needed attention before it was published. It went through six different editors before we were happy with the end result. I would recommend editing for every author. There are always things you miss when looking at your own work, and if you’re self-publishing you’re not going to have a publisher to do if for you. Having your book professionally edited is a must. I’ve seen too many books with an appalling number of mistakes in them simply because they haven’t had a proper edit.
Do you outline your stories or just go with the flow?
I tend to go with the flow. I find that my stories sometimes alter once the characters start speaking, so it seems pointless to map something out when I might have to change it anyway.
What project are you currently working on?
I’m currently working on the sequel to The Heir. The Crown should be released either at the end of this year or the beginning of the next.
Is being an author your dream job? If so, how long have you been chasing the dream? If not, what would be your dream job?
Yes, it is my dream job. My hope is that I will make enough money to live off it (unlikely, I know!). I can’t think of anything better than being paid to make up stories. I’ve always done it for fun, it would be wonderful to earn a living that way.
How much time a day do you spend on social media?
A lot. I live in Australia, but part of my book is set in America, so I have been trying to reach out to that audience through social media. I am active on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads and Pinterest.
Is there a message in your book(s) that you want readers to grasp?
I’m trying to drive home the message that we should not judge people by standards like success and wealth. In the story, Sarah, my protagonist, is ostracised at the school she attends because she’s not wealthy or from a successful family. However, she is definitely a person worth knowing. Basing our view of people on such shallow standards is not a good idea, although it’s an easy trap to fall into.

Please be sure to friend Lynne Stringer on Facebook, Twitter and check out her Pinterest and Goodreads!

Click below to buy The Heir.

Fuzzy Wassy was a Bear

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So please tell me, am I the only person who has issues with the overuse of the word was? All the books I have read on writing say to use an action verb wherever possible and yet when I read— most novels are a was and were-athon. It really drives me mad when there is more than one was in a sentence or where the active verb is so apparent. For instance: “She was standing in a pool of water as I approached” can simply become, “As I approached, I discovered her standing in a pool of water.”

I have no issues with it in dialogue because that’s how we really speak but in description I often feel it is just plain lazy. I’m the first to admit, there are times where it’s unavoidable, especially in first-person narrative during reflection.

Could it be that the passive voice, which has been touted as being inferior, is a notion out of the past and really doesn’t apply anymore? If so, I say we change the propaganda and move right along. However, if the active voice is really better writing, then shouldn’t we, as writers, focus on writing with action verbs more often?

Stephen King does a lovely little rant about the passive voice and was-ing in his great book on writing called, On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft. He believes that the passive voice is weak storytelling. He gives a few great examples and I’ll share one with you where he referenced The Elements of Style, another must have book for any writer. Stephen writes: “And remember: The writer threw the rope, not The rope was thrown by the writer.” He begs, “Please oh please?” afterwards which I found very humorous.

So why am I even ranting about this? Very glad you asked! I personally feel that the standards of writing are important and raising our craft to the highest level we can is a goal we should all aspire to. I hope my writing gets better each time I write a new novel and that I stay open to learning new things. Being able to tell a great story is only part of the puzzle, the other half is conveying it in such a way that the reader can get lost in it.

Because I know there is always more than one side to any issue, I will share a book that broke all grammatical rules and I highly enjoyed it. My Friend Leonard is a memoir by James Frey who used none of what you normally find when reading a story and somehow it worked. Check it out so you can see what I mean.

Lastly, I want to mention adverbs and how abhorrent most writing books find them. Again, I have heard it called lazy writing, thanks Mr. King and Elmore Leonard. The latter believes that adverbs should generally be avoided and one should never use the word suddenly. I have to disagree because in their proper places, I find them to be lovely additions that emphasize a thought, convey a heightened circumstance or modify a weaker action verb. There, I’ve said it.

Please share with us your thoughts and ideas about best writing practices. I’d love to hear from you.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Blakely’s Friday Interview with Darlene Kuncytes

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92682d8e85ea0ac1d188dc.L._V372479113_SX200_Please give a warm welcome to Darlene Kuncytes, author of A Vampire’s Saving Embrace. She is brave enough to be my very first author interview. Thanks, Dar. 🙂

Tell us a bit about yourself and what you’re currently working on or promoting.
I am promoting my first book. “A Vampire’s Saving Embrace” and working on Book 2 of the series. Although this book totally stands on its own. Book 2 is the story of two of the secondary characters you will meet in book 1. I had people beg me to write their story next – so I just had to.
What genre is your book? Do you write in other genres as well? It’s a paranormal romance – heavy on the romance! Lol! Yes, I have also done an outline for a Suspense/Romance that is not paranormal.
Who or what inspires you? Life inspires me. Daydreams, music – people.
Has a dream every inspired any of your stories? Yes! Totally! Lol! I will have a dream and wake up thinking “Whoa – what an awesome idea!”
Do you have an agent and/or publisher or are you self-published? If self-published, do you use a professional editor? If traditionally published, who is your publisher? I am self-published, but Linda Boulanger is my cover artist and helped with the editing. She is awesome!
What advice do you have for writer’s just starting out? Never give up! And read and re-read everything! lol
Do you set writing goals and if so, what are they? I don’t. I don’t ever want to feel pressured. I think that takes away from the story I’m trying to tell if I am forcing myself. It has to flow for me, and there is no controlling that.
What does your writing space look like? A mess!
Do you have any writing rituals or interesting writing quirks? Not really, I just need a cup of coffee at my side – and I do LOVE sitting outside at night writing. I love that peace and quiet.
What are your three favorite books including the authors? Wow, there are so many. Stephen King’s – The Shining and Salem’s Lot. John Saul -Suffer the Children (I did a book report on that book in the 6th grade – needless to say the class and teacher were a bit shocked! But, in my defense my teacher did tell me that my reading was so advanced that I could pick out any book I wanted to read, and do a report on. Lol) Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
What project are you currently working on? Book two in my series. “A Wolf’s Savage Embrace” I am hoping to launch that in August. I actually have a few Facebook Stalkers that are hounding me for it!! lol!! And I LOVE it!
Is being an author your dream job? If so, how long have you been chasing the dream? If not, what would be your dream job? It is totally my dream job! I have always loved writing and have dreamed of being an author since I can remember – so this has been number one on my bucket list forever!
What has been your best moment as a writer? My first review by someone that I didn’t know, and it was awesome! What a thrill! It gave me chills to hear them say that they fell in love with my characters and couldn’t wait for more.
What challenges have you faced in your writing career? Time. I work full time and there never seems to be enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. But it’s all good!
Do you see yourself in any of your characters? To a point I do – in all of them. They come from my heart and soul, so yes; there are responses and actions that are completely me. And there might be a little of my exes here and there, lol – but not much.
What do you do when you’re not writing? Read, cook, swim. I foster and rescue puppymill dogs.
How much time a day do you spend on social media? Much too much! 😉 I couldn’t even guess – but it’s a lot!
What do you do to stay sane as a writer? Who says I’m sane?? Lol!! But I take breaks, drink coffee and listen to music.
Do you read your reviews and if so, how do you cope with a bad one?
I have been lucky in the sense that I haven’t really gotten a super bad one yet, but I was in tears when I read the first one that said it was eh. But I am working on thickening my skin.
What has been the toughest criticism given to you as an author? What has been the best compliment? That a character said something WAY too much, when it was only said like 3 times. The best has been a woman that said she couldn’t BREATHE during a scene, that it was beyond amazing, and I didn’t use any of her “hate words”. And that she loved, loved, loved the book! And then said – Oh, and did I mention that I LOVED it! That just made my day!

I have found the writer’s community to be very supportive and welcoming.  Please share three writers that you recommend:

Donna Hawk, Virginia McKevitt, and M.C. Lavocat

Please be sure to become Darlene Kuncytes’s fan on Facebook, Twitter and check out her Author’s pages on Amazon and Goodreads!

Click below to buy A Vampire’s Saving Embrace

Darlene

Love Languages

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Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. Although I am not an advocate of self-help books in general, I do think this one has important knowledge that can help make relationships better, especially in the case where each spouse or partner has a different love language.

The 5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation (which I think of as appreciation)
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

I don’t believe we fit neatly into one category or at least I know that my husband and I don’t. So here is my list in order of importance.

5ll_icon-affirmationWords of Affirmation would have to be my #1 and my 2 & 3 are pretty equal which are Quality Time and Physical Touch, 4th is Acts of Service and lastly Receiving Gifts. My husband’s #1 is Physical Touch and his 2 & 3 are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

So why is any of this important to a relationship? Well I think most of the time people give the love language they want to receive instead of the love language their partner needs. For instance, if physical touch is your love language but your partner’s love language is acts of service, they will feel like they are showing you love every time they make you a cup of coffee but you are left wishing for more hugs, cuddling, and sex.

There is real value in knowing what your partner needs to feel loved. In my case my husband and I have similar needs in this regard so it makes it easier for us to get our needs met but what happens when your love languages are very different? In that case I think there is more effort involved but the knowledge can make a huge difference in the success of any relationship. When love languages differ, it can be the ultimate demise of the relationship if one or both parties don’t feel like they are getting what they need.

I’m left pondering whether a good match is when people have similar love languages. Do you think someone who craves words of affirmations can be satisfied with someone who buys gifts as their love language?

That reminds me of a boyfriend I had early on. He was amazing at buying gifts. He would buy things just because and to surprise me. I didn’t know it then, but that was clearly his love language. My love language was Words of Affirmation and the need for a deep connection. Ultimately we didn’t really match up for the long-term.

I want to add another love language to the list. For me when someone is willing to open themselves up and share their inner most thoughts, that really moves me. I would like to add a #6 and call it Deep Sharing and Vulnerability. Not sure where it would fall on my list, but it would definitely rank high.

Maybe part of the reason for affairs is about finding the right love language elsewhere, when their spouse shows love in another way. I believe we truly need our love language to be happy.

I have a friend whose love language is words of affirmation, but he himself has a hard time sharing words of appreciation with others. I find it interesting that we could need a particular love language that we ourselves don’t know how to speak.

Here is the link to more information about this topic. 5lovelanguages

I truly appreciate that my followers are loving, kind, smart, and wonderful people.  Now I fully expect to hear from all those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation. 😉

Care to share your love language? I would enjoy hearing from you.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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How Important is Context and Punctuation?

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VERY!  Moreover, this has become even clearer to me as of late, so I wanted to share with you something that recently happened.  I found the experience rather hysterical (afterwards) and you should have seen the expression on my husband’s face.

Here’s my story:

My writer friend, Leanna Harrow, wrote a very funny post about chocolate and with her permission, I’m sharing it with you:

Me: Mmmmm…I’m going to eat one of those…
Myself: You don’t need one of those…
I: Oh! Can I have one too?
Me: No you can’t! I’m going to eat one! I’m sick of listening to myself, I’m always listening to myself, doing the right thing, being nice, eating the “right” things. ENOUGH! I’m going to treat myself regardless what anyone thinks…I deserve it!
Myself: That’s a selfish and self-serving attitude…what’s with you? You’re not usually like this.
I: She’s getting her period…

Myself: Oh God! Then we should eat the whole box and shut her the hell up.

So I commented under her funny post: LMAO! Let me have one!

When I’m checking my email later, I see a comment from Leanna but there’s no context to it and my husband reads it over my shoulder. It says: Did you not hear how selfish she is Author Blakely Bennett??? She’s a real bitch…and not the Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charming Honest kind! Lol

Without the context of the story and my quote, it seems like a horrible slam against me and yet in the correct context, it’s hysterical.

As for punctuation? Punctuation is as important as context to understanding the meaning. I had a brief stint in an online writers group where there was a lot of talk about editing and punctuation and how the standards, for many of the participants, didn’t matter.  Well they matter to me and here’s a good illustration of why:

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Enough said?  Maybe not. 🙂 lol! Editing is an important function in a great story. Grammar and punctuation are the framework for expressing your narrative in a clear and enjoyable manner. You never want to throw your reader out of the story because of strange context or bad grammar.  At least, I surely don’t.

Thanks to Leanna for allowing me to share her Facebook post (very funny stuff).  As always, everyone loves to read your comments and hear about your experiences. Take a moment and let us hear from you.  What’s the weirdest comma dysfunction you have seen? Make us laugh!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Our Own Worst Critics

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Not long ago, my husband and I had a discussion about how I perceive myself and my body in contrast to how he perceives me. During that discussion, I truly wished that I could see myself through his eyes. Even for an hour, if I could see myself the way he sees me, I believe it would change my world forever.

Recently on my Facebook wall, I had the opportunity to read a poem that spoke to that very phenomenon so perfectly for me. Please follow this link to read the poem called Within by Michael Peter Smith aka Mikeywine:  http://mikeywine.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/within/

In addition, my wonderful step-daughter V, posted this incredible video where an artist sketches women based on their verbal description of themselves from behind a curtain and then based on another person’s take of them, someone whom they met just briefly. Call me sappy but the short video made me cry and I hope you’ll check it out as well: http://www.wimp.com/forensicartist/

Let me ask you why, as women, are we our harshest self-critics? I’m sure some men are as well but my general experience with the male gender is that they don’t waste much time wishing they would show up differently or that their bodies looked better. Why don’t we find satisfaction with our own uniqueness?

For myself, my weight fluctuated in my younger days and that had an impact on how I felt about myself on any given day. Fortunately the up and down of 50 lbs. has been reduced down to a 10-15 lbs. yo-yo depending on the season and my internal motivation. I don’t find it odd that we care about how we look since our appearance is what we present to the world, however, I must say, I’m looking forward to the day that my weight matters far less in my own self-evaluation.

In the My Body Trilogy, Jane’s view of herself changes and evolves through her character arc. Her mother often referred to her as Plain Jane in her childhood and that was the image she carried of herself until she met Luke and then Marcello.

As authors, being critiqued is unavoidable, and now anyone with Wifi can fancy themselves an anonymous expert. It’s imperative for our peace of mind that we maintain positive regard for ourselves and our work in the face negative criticism.

I know for me, early rejection as a child definitely affected how I viewed myself but as an adult I’d like to think I have something to say about how I perceive me, my life, and my writing.

At any rate, I plan to adopt my husband’s view, he who adores me and thinks I’m the coolest woman he knows. 🙂  Thanks love.

Are you a harsh self-critic?  Has your opinion of yourself evolved over time?  How do you handle negative reviews of your writing?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

Evoking Attraction and Chemistry with the Written Word

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As an author who loves to craft stories about relationships; attraction and chemistry are phenomena I spend a lot of time thinking about. For instance, how the energetic pull looks and feels and how I can best communicate it on the page.

When I was in my early 20s, I met a guy out dancing and when we locked eyes, I felt riveted. He was the worst kind of match for me but oh my god, the chemistry was insane. He was a rock star kisser as well which didn’t help matters. However, he was in a really bad place in his life and emotionally unavailable. Our chemistry felt so intense that I could feel him when he entered the club without being able to see him and he always seemed to know what I was thinking.

Years later, I saw him again and I couldn’t even conjure a shred of that crazy attraction I had felt with him. I had grown up and so had he and it just wasn’t there anymore.

I find attraction and chemistry to be baffling at times and very unpredictable. I have had chemistry in the past with men who I didn’t even particularly like and then zero with men who I found very good looking and appealing. It’s amazing to me that getting to know someone can totally change their appearance to me for the good or the bad.

At other times in my life there have been people who I really liked and enjoyed but found zero chemistry and I mean that for physical attraction but sometimes with friendship chemistry as well. A woman not long ago moved into our community and we hit it off instantly, quickly finding a place where we could share the REAL stuff that we are dealing with in life. It seems like we’ve been friends for years and at the same time there are many people I have known for years and have forged no real connection.

Luckily for me, I still feel incredible chemistry with my husband. That seems to die out for many people in long-term relationships but I would have to venture a guess that attraction wanes as the connection wanes. For us, we grow closer and more connected as time passes and we get to share more of life’s adventures together.

I believe attraction, chemistry and/or connection aren’t always a rational process. I think they live outside of the realm of the conscious mind.

I have often wondered if wild and crazy attraction is couple with an emotionally bad mix. I played with that very notion in the My Body Trilogy.

For me, humor, intelligence, affection, creativity, transparency and openness really attracts me to the people in my life. What about you? What attracts you or pulls you in? Have you had experiences with crazy chemistry?

This blog was inspired by an English friend I know who finds laughter to be one of most attractive aspects of a woman. Thanks Rupert for the suggestion. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

Aging and Writing

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Picture me cleaning the house, headphones on, music thrumming in my ears as I belt out the tune. That’s when this blog came to me. Why, you might ask, did my brain formulate a blog on aging while I jammed to my tunes scrubbing the bathroom? Well, I’ll tell you. It partially had to do with the string of songs that played: Take it to the house by Trick Daddy, Savior by Rise Against, Already Gone by Crossfade, Stop this Train by John Mayer (I could go on but I won’t). My sixteen year old daughter and I have very similar taste in music and as I continued to sway and wipe, I recalled what my mother has often said, “I still feel twenty-five inside.” As a young woman, I didn’t really understand what she meant.

As a kid, adulthood stood as a far off magical place where decisions would become clearer and life easier. Now, as a woman in my forties, I understand the meaning of my mother’s sentiment. I too feel the same way, but I would say I feel more like twenty. 🙂 You will be happy to note that the illusion of adulthood has long ago been shattered and I understand that living a full life at any age comes with its challenges and rewards.

There are moments when I’m reminded that I’m NOT that young woman anymore. Although I still love to dance for hours on end, my body lets me know that grooving barefoot on a hard cement floor comes at a price.  I always think it’s worth it the day after, especially if I stretch when I’ve finished boogieing.

My husband often says that aging is a flawed system because as you grow wiser, your body grows crankier and that life is exceedingly too short. I sort of halfway agree.  I’m rather looking forward to the day, when I’m in my 60s (I’m guessing), that my appearance will matter a lot less and what people think of me or my writing won’t matter at all (Okay, maybe that last part is just plain delusion).

My husband and I just watched, Starting Out in the Evening on Sundance, which is a movie about an aging author, rather appropriate given what’s been on my mind and although I tend to shy away from slow plotting films, this one was wrought with sexual tension that kept me interested. One particular section of the movie, where the author talks about the writing process really moved me.  He discussed how he starts with a character and then follows the protagonist around, to find out more about him or her and what will happen. I can completely identify with that process. He also said that because he is older, it’s harder to follow and stay engaged than when he was a younger man.

The narrative of the movie told about the older writer in relationship with a twenty-five year old grad student that had decided to write her thesis about him and his novels.  I would guess him to be in his eighties and obviously conflicted about their age difference. He had published four books in total and had been working on his fifth for ten years. I won’t give anymore of the story away other than to say that I don’t think we, as authors, stop caring what our readers think of our work, no matter how old.

In Stephen King’s On Writing, he mentioned that he has less stamina for writing than he did in the early days.  Maybe I will find this true as I get older but I believe that when the tidal wave of the story takes over, I will be typing as fast as ever to stay afloat.

As an author myself, writing is my art and I hope it translates to other people regardless of my age. It’s so very rewarding when my readers are truly moved by my words and “get it” (“Get it”, is defined by seeing it the way I do. If they don’t, that is okay too unless they compare me to 50 Shades of Grey which is a different genre and then I want to scream. Sorry for the aside which should probably be another blog and might morph into one in the future. 😉 ).

I, so very turned on by the written word, intend to keep writing until I’m too old to type another letter.  At least that’s the plan.

Please share your viewpoint on aging and writing because I always love to hear from my readers and other authors.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) on Amazon here.

Pleasure and Pain

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As a writer that explores the mixing of pleasure and pain, I’m fascinated by the mechanisms in the body that dictate what will turn us on or motivate us to the extremes.  My husband and I just recently caught a show on PBS called Pleasure and Pain that I highly recommend if you are intrigued by such things.

During the course of the show, they interviewed many people and asked what gives them the most pleasure in life?  There were a wide variety of answers and sex, of course, got a lot of votes but not the most.

Neurochemicals in our brain determine whether or not we find pleasure in an activity.  When it comes to food, according to the show, many of us eat past the point of pleasure, overriding the signals to stop.  I know I am guilty of this, especially when it comes to chocolate and dessert.  Pleasure is transient and can turn into pain if overindulged.

The desire for sex is biologically strong because as a species, we must reproduce.  Dopamine, the chemical of desire, causes the heart to beat faster and the sensation of touch to heighten.  On the ride up to the peak we are flooded with endorphins that send us over the edge to explosion.  As we float back down to earth on a cocktail of serotonin and prolactin, our dopamine levels fall leaving us relaxed and sleepy.  My favorite high is definitely the aftermath of orgasm.

So as I watched the show, I wondered what in life gives me the most pleasure and I even asked my husband.  He said, “Sex of course.”  My response, “If we’re talking about peak experiences that are short lived, then yes, I would definitely have to say sex but if we are sharing about a more sustained feeling of happiness, I have to say love, being in love, loving you.”  Good love adds so much pleasure to life, even during the moments when you aren’t together.  Nothing beats that for me and he agrees.

Why do we sometimes find pleasure in pain?  It’s easy to focus on the sex aspects given that I have explored BDSM within the My Body Trilogy.  However, just the other day, I asked my husband why he thinks I put myself into situations that scare me (Live interview, book signings, etc.) but do them anyway.  He said he thought for me it was akin to riding a huge scary rollercoaster, which I love, and that I get pleasure from living on the edge.

One of the main reasons people can find pleasure in pain has to do with the release of endorphins that flood the system, the very same ones that I mentioned that rush us over the edge to orgasm.  I can only assume that people’s tolerance for pain must correlate with the timing of the biochemical release and maybe even the intensity of the flooding of the brain.

I know for Jane, in the My Body Trilogy, the excitement that comes with the pushing of her boundaries and her pain tolerance, heightens the intensity of her orgasms.  I believe it works that way for some people in real life.

So have you guessed what might be the most common answer on the pleasure questionnaire? The third most common answer … food and drink, second answer … drum roll please … SEX (not surprising I should think) and finally, the number one answer and clear winner – family and loved ones.

The order didn’t surprise me much as it fell in line with my personal pleasures.  What is your greatest pleasure and is it something that you can easily experience or obtain?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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