I am forever fascinated about likes and dislikes and why I have the preferences I do. Why does my husband prefer what he calls the medi look (dark, curly hair and curvy)? Why do I love blowjobs, anal sex, sweets, and independent movies? Why do I abhor mustard, arrogant men, things that push my patience and men in dresses?
Okay, obviously, there are many other items to add to the list but the point is about the WHY of it. Why have I come to like or cum to like what I have? Is it merely genetics? Is that the long and the short of it? Should I throw in the nature vs. nurture argument? Maybe I was beaten with a pastrami and swiss on rye with mustard and have blocked it out, which is why I can’t stomach any of those ingredients? Continue reading →
Please give warm welcome to Stella. I can’t wait to see what she has to share with us today. I love being educated about the lifestyles in the kink world.
Blakely: Hi Stella. Thank you so much for joining us today! We are all looking forward to finding out what makes you kinky. Stella:Thank you for the opportunity.
Blakely: What’s your definition of kinky? Stella: I define ‘kinky’ as that which gives us pleasure that is outside the perceived ‘norm’ of which is considered acceptable.
Blakely: Do you consider yourself a TOP, a bottom (Dom or sub) or a switch or something else entirely? Stella: I am a submissive. I enjoy pleasing my partners and that is where I derive my pleasure. Continue reading →
My true calling is definitely being an author, but I think a close second might have been as a sex therapist. Maybe because I believe sex is such an important factor for a healthy, long-term relationship, I find myself sometimes pushing and prodding my friends to make changes, which will leave them more satisfied (in my not so humble opinion).
Since I’m sexually open, I think people tend to be honest with me about their sex lives. At that point, if I see something they themselves can do to make it better—because they are complaining—I can be pretty blatant with my advice. On several occasions, it’s really made a difference for them so it hasn’t discouraged my behavior. Continue reading →
One of my best friends (who is a man and married) and I were just chatting about sex in marriage and I decided you all might want to chime in. I strongly believe as a loving, caring spouse, one should be concerned and invested in meeting their partner’s sexual needs. So many of my male friends are sexually dissatisfied at home. Their spouses don’t seem to want or need sex anymore, and are unwilling to make any strides to find out why that might be like hormone level testing and the like. Continue reading →
Why is it that when someone doesn’t like me or what I create, my response is to like myself less instead of liking them less? Last night, sitting on the couch with my husband watching a movie, my mind wandered and the above is what came to me.
Anthropologically it makes sense to me. We, as a species, needed to care what the tribe thought so we could all survive.
Most of us care about what other people think. I get that. Short of the few narcissists I have met in my life, it seems to plague all of us to some extent. Continue reading →
A close friend of ours lost her husband several months ago and because of having family in town, we were unable to attend the memorial. She put together this amazing tribute that we just watched at her house this past week.
We were friends with her husband too and found out we knew very little about his past. He lived the life of ten men. I have never known any one person to accomplish and achieve so much in such a variety of ways. Continue reading →
My husband and I were at a small art fair this weekend selling our books. A woman stopped at our table and mentioned—rather passionately—that she abhorred 50 Shades of Grey (she had read the first two books). She was concerned about the lack of consensual sex in 50 Shades and at least to me, in the first book it was clearly 100% Anastasia’s decision (I haven’t read the other two). Grey placed all his cards on the table in FSOG and Ana knew what she was getting into. Continue reading →
What I realized:
While taking time off from social media and writing, it became clear to me that I need to spend more time doing what I truly love to do and spend less hours of the day on social media constantly pushing and promoting. I’m not saying there is no value to promoting; however I do believe that more books and less promotion will generate more sales than fewer novels and more advertising. Continue reading →
I’ve been protecting myself. And in a place of self-protection, I can’t create, I can’t be vulnerable, I can’t be empathic to my characters. It’s not that the story isn’t there or that I’m stuck. I’m not. The truth is I don’t feel like writing another book. My heart hurts.
I’m a pretty intelligent sort and I know with all creative endeavors there are critics. So it would be beyond stupid of me to expect none. What I didn’t expect was mean. I have never written a mean review in my life because I know that if a story or a piece of art isn’t for me, it just isn’t. I don’t have to bash and shame and degrade other writers or artists. I don’t even have to understand their point.
Right now I’m exhausted and I’m pissing and moaning. Please forgive me. I’m just tired of pushing so hard. I wish I had the self-esteem of my husband (an enviable trait) because then I’d just brush off any negative review and focus on the abundance of positive ones. I’d persevere. And I will. I’ll get back to it. I’ll come out of hiding and let my guard down again, soon.
I’m in limbo waiting to see what happens with Bittersweet Deceit coming out August 5th. Then I will decide if I want to continue chasing the dream full-time.
I just finished watching Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren’t The Ones Who Count:
She makes an interesting point, well several, but the one I’m pointing out is about courage. She says it’s an important value to hold. Am I courageous? Sometimes I am. I think what I need more is tenacity.
Brené shared on her video my favorite quote of all time:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
Maybe I need to read the quote every single day! One hundred days in a row!
Make sure to check out the video above. It was a good reminder to me that only the courageous persevere.
Now let me explain before you go shaking your head like Lainie often does in Bittersweet Deceit(out August 5th). You might be shocked to find out that reading erotica, especially for women who are experiencing a drop in their libido, will help revive or amp up their sex life. There are plenty of the health benefits, which come from masturbation as well. Women going through “the change” greatly reduce their symptoms of dryness and hot flashes with regular orgasms.
Reading can help get you in the mood for some loving as I’ve been told from my readers time and again. Some even reread the scenes they like the best to get revved up. Many have mentioned reading the stories out loud to their partner. Continue reading →
I am forever fascinated about likes and dislikes and why I have the preferences I do. Why does my husband prefer what he calls the medi look (dark, curly hair and curvy)? Why do I love blowjobs, anal sex, sweets, and independent movies? Why do I abhor mustard, arrogant men, things that push my patience and men in dresses?
