Whaaaaaat? Self Pleasure Over Intimacy?

Man masturbatingI find it incredibly fun to discover something I had absolutely no idea about, especially when I also find it baffling.

Did you know that some men sometimes PREFER masturbating over having sex? I had to wrap my brain around that one. I can’t imagine preferring to masturbate over having sex and my husband concurs (thanks honey!).

So I was chatting online with a friend from England and he told me this gem of information. I thought it might just be him, that men in general couldn’t possibly feel that way. Me being me, I decided to check it out and I was blown away that several other men said the same thing.

Sometimes they would rather watch porn and ride the edge of orgasm than have sex with their wives. Maybe that is saying something about their sex lives at home, but I’m just guessing. One man said that the sex with his wife had become so routine (her choice) that sometimes he would rather play on his own and search for the perfect porn to watch. Another man said that he likes to look at pictures and make it last a long time. Another guy said that masturbation is a way for him to act out his true desires because his wife is repressed.

I am happy to say that more than half the men I spoke to said they would much rather have sex than masturbate. Since I had assumed it was a given, I still find it shocking that men would rather jerk off than make love, fuck or have sex with a partner.

I do wonder if it’s the same for women. That’s definitely something to ponder.

As a writer, I’m always on the hunt for new word choices to describe the sex act and our private parts. I wrote a rather funny blog, at least I think so anyway, about words for the female anatomy which you can find here: Pussy Willow

When it comes to masturbation, I believe it’s a healthy outlet and a great way to learn about your body so you can teach what you like to others. There are lots of interesting terms to describe the act. For instance (A big thanks to my friends from the Naught Book Club for helping me with my list!):

1. Hand job
2. Five knuckle shuffle
3. Jerking off
4. Rubbing one out
5. Playing with yourself
6. Flying solo
7. Beating off
8. Diddle
9. Jacking off
10. Jilling off (Thanks Amber)
11. Pet the pussy
12. Wank
13. Slap the salami
14. Choke the Chicken
15. Wack the sack
16. Shooting off
17. Friggin’
18. Popping your nuts
19. Rosey Palm and her five sisters
20. Cranking the shaft
21. Spanking the monkey
22. Polishing the pole

As you can see the list could be endless. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.

No matter what we call it, I believe it’s a wonderful release we can give to ourselves. And as long as it doesn’t become an all-consuming activity, I say, “Yank the pud, fer sure.”

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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Are You Naked Under those Covers?

cos-06-sexy-naked-couple-hugging-touching-mdnI have slept in the nude since I can remember, at least from the time I dressed myself for bed, or in my case, undressed for my impending slumber.  I always found wearing clothes to be uncomfortable, confining and slightly claustrophobic.

Being a nudist, it’s surely not surprising that I prefer nakedness during sleep.  However, until just recently I didn’t know there were huge benefits to sleeping in the buff.  Thanks to my husband, who often sends me fodder to consider for my blog, I now know and will share the information with you!

The very first one I’m going to divvy up really made me chuckle and applies to women only.  It is healthier for your vagina, pussy, hoo-hoo (just for you Melissa), fanny or lady bits.  Although bacteria and yeast always exist in that special warm place, it’s really beneficial to air it out.  Go for it ladies!

You will also sleep better at night if you are cooler rather than warm.  Your body is meant to cool off as you sleep which boosts your anti-aging hormones.  A great cool night of sleep also helps your overall body composition because it increases your fat burning (you can actually lose belly fat!) and appetite suppression.

I think I need to sleep more! Off to take a nap, sans clothing.

Okay I’m back and refreshed and looking thinner already. 😉 Now I shall continue sharing other wonderful benefits of sleeping in your birthday suit.

This one is my favorite benefit. If you sleep with your partner (who is also naked) and touch and cuddle during the night like my husband and I do, you will get to experience the feel good hormone, oxytocin.  Oxytocin helps bond you with your partner and has other wonderful benefits too. This lovely natural drug decreases depression, blood pressure, stress and intestinal inflammation.  Who knew?  Plus, and I’m sure you all sorted this one out for yourselves, people tend to have more sex when they sleep together naked! Got to love that benefit.  Morning sex, here we come!!

Probably the most important benefit of sleeping naked is a better night of sleep.  Better sleep means a better day in my book.

I was also surprised that only one in ten people sleep in the nude.  So come on friends, readers, authors, family, and strangers, give it a go.

As always, I love to read your comments!

Warm hugs and keep chasing the dream,

Blakely

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My Body Trilogy Virtual Book Tour Continues

My Body Trilogy Button 300 x 225

I’m reposting the list of stops on the virtual book tour and will blog again once the tour has ended.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

July 29 Interview
Tanya’s Book Nook

July 30 Interview
Vision + Verse

July 31 Reviews
Compare our Men. book whores

August 1 Review
Romance Addict Book Blog

August 2 Interview
The Creatively Green Write at Home Mom

August 3 Spotlight
Momma’s Secret Book Obsession

August 5 Guest blog
Roxanne’s Realm

August 7 Guest blog and Review
Erzabet Bishop

August 8 Spotlight and Reviews
Faerie Tale Books

August 8 Guest blog
Fangs, Wands & Fairy Dust

August 8 Guest blog
Literal Hotties Naughty Book Reviews

August 9 Character Interview and Review
Nightstand Novels

August 12 Guest blog
The Official Blog of A.C. James

August 12 Spotlight and Review
My Daily Romance

August 12 Guest blog
Smoldering Heat

August 12 Interview
Malfunction Erotica

BDSM Leads to Better Mental Health?

bdsm blog postI just finished reading a very interesting article by Emma Gray on Huffington Post called BDSM Correlated With Better Mental Health, Says Study. It’s a fascinating read and there is a video clip as well.

Please let me clarify that they don’t mean that participating in the act of BDSM is what causes better mental health as opposed to their vanilla counterparts. The supposition of the researchers who ran the study is that because BDSM lives outside of the “norm”, it causes people to be more self-reflective which may lead to a happier life. They also believe that because kinky types of sex practices requires much more communication and self-disclosure, that those who participate may have closer, more connected relationships.

As someone who took many psych classes in college including research methods, their bondage purplestudy is a bit thin. However, I tend to agree with the findings anyway. As I have mentioned many times on my blog, communication is the key to a closer relationship and better sex. Willingness to share fantasies that fall outside of the norm requires trust and also a knowing of oneself.

Healthy BDSM relationships use safewords and other forms of communication necessary to safely explore the depths of their desires. There seems to be something very powerful within relationships where one person willingly relinquishes control while the other takes the responsibility for having it.

The most upsetting part of the article for me was the reminder that BDSM and other fetishes fall in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) under paraphilia which means abnormal sexual activity. BDSM is a choice, not a psychological dysfunction!

Why as a society do we need to all be alike? For me, any sexual activity done between consenting adults is none of my business and shouldn’t be anyone else’s.  As I have mentioned before, I do not live the BDSM lifestyle but find it truly fascinating to think about and write into my novels.

As a writer I get to travel to places I dare not go and am looking forward to my next adventure. 😉 Where do your fantasies take you?  Are you with a partner that encourages you to talk about them?  Take a chance this week and risk sharing one of your fantasies with your lover.

Love to read your comments on this post.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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The Oral Dance

As an erotica writer, I’m fascinated by what turns people on and off regarding sex. I’ve heard from many guy friends over the years that their spouses or girlfriends don’t like to go “downtown” and I’m left to wonder why. Short of men not taking care of their hygiene, I don’t see why any woman would pass on giving head (an odd name … should it not be giving mouth?).

The “blowjob” is slang for oral sex, the act of putting an erect throbbing penis into one’s mouth for the purpose of causing a major eruption. It’s a rather silly name when you think about it. There’s no blowing and I don’t see the work involved. The only work comes when I’m crafting an enticing scene where a woman is orally pleasuring her man (or vice versa). Oral pleasure isn’t such a bad nickname. Fellatio isn’t bad either but somehow I can imagine it throwing someone out of the fantasy of a sex scene (although I do use it on occasion). For me fellate sounds more like a cooking technique.

I have also been told there is a discernible difference between a woman who enjoys giving a blowjob and one who doesn’t. The man knows. I can’t imagine that it’s very sexy to have your partner go down on you when they would really rather not.

A huge part of satisfying sex is communication (as I keep preaching) and the knowledge of what turns on your better half. Ask your partner what they like. Does he like it when you suck the head really hard or would he rather have you swirl your tongue around the rim? Maybe he likes all sorts of techniques, so mix it up.

We can’t finish this topic without talking about cum, sperm, spunk, ejaculate, etc. I’ve heard that many people do not care to swallow. There was an interesting poll on Goodreads asking, what do you think of spunk in your erotic reading and it made me realize that in my erotica, cum is always captured by an orifice. The majority of responses fell into the category of cum landing on the back or chest. I’ll have to consider that in future writings. I think it’s sexy when a person loves the taste and smell of their partner.

Sucking cock is a fine art and I encourage every person with interest to find a way to enjoy satisfying your partner AND yourself in this way. It can be an incredible turn on for the giver too.

I am curious and would love to hear from you folks who don’t enjoy giving head (mouth). What are your reasons for not appreciating the oral dance? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Come on you can do it. Share your story with us.

Thanks for reading.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
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Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
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The Importance of Passion

What gets your pulse thudding and your blood pumping? What churns you to feel the drive of your desires? You might think I’m merely asking about sex and attraction however, I have been thinking a lot about passion lately on a few different levels. Like how it pertains to my writing because if there is one common denominator in erotica, it’s most probably the passion but also as it pertains to what truly motivates us in life and how it factors in our relationships.

I firmly believe when we are truly passionate about person, job, or anything else, we become highly motivated in acquiring or achieving. Not so long ago, when I worked in a corporate job, I thought most of the men I worked with and for were work-a-holics. However, I now understand that they were driven to succeed in an occupation where their passions lie. I can say this because I’m living my passion as a published author, highly driven toward success and my daughter now refers to me as the work-a-holic. I quickly shake it off, mostly because she really has no concept of hard work and how much time it can take. I probably work eight to ten hours a day between writing, editing, and social media and put time in on the weekends as well. I also take time off when I’m feeling burnt out so I don’t exhaust myself or my drive and I get to set my own hours so I can.

The importance of passion is very clear to me now. I believe we all need it to truly feel alive in our lives. It surely doesn’t have to be found in an occupation. It can be a hobby, family, exercise, or many other activities. I often wish I was as passionate about exercise as the marathon runners or long distance bikers. My passion for exercise and a firm body runs in a cycle from extremely focus and driven to drop a few pounds and build muscle to being a slug. Fortunately for me the slugdom phase is far shorter. Since moving out to the Northwest, I blame it on the winter and the lack of sun. Fortunately Spring is moving in as will be my resolve to drop five pounds of fat while adding at least as much in muscle mass. 🙂

As it pertains to writing, which I’m sure by now if you have read my novels or follow my site you understand how passionate I am regarding the written word. I strive to fully communicate the range of desire, attraction, flirtation, sex and longing. I recently watch a Bollywood movie that told the story of two sisters who fell in love and eventually married the men of their desire. The film depicted no sex or kissing and the only physical touch happened through hugging but they clearly showed longing, chemistry, and passion merely through facial expressions and eye contact. It made me consider how I communicate passion via the written word and how sometimes covert longing is more powerful than overt desire.

In relationship passion has amazing binding power and helps longevity. It’s definitely works that way for my husband and me (18 years and going strong). I do wonder why passion and desire seems to fade in many relationships and when I craft stories about relationships, I can’t help analyzing why one relationship can last for the long-term while others do not. This may sound silly to some, but I believe because my husband and I, even after all this time, never run out of things to talk about, we still enjoy spending time together. I’m sure having great chemistry is a huge help as well. 😉

I’ve known for a long time that writing is my passion and now I get to live it in a new exciting way. Thanks to all my friends, family, and fans that support me in making my passions my life.

What are you passionate about? How does it motivate you? Please share with me and my readers. Thanks!

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
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Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
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Bondage

I have read about the psychology of bondage (research!) and have written several sex scenes that include one form or another of restraint. It seems pretty apparent to me that it’s a fairly mainstream activity for couples to dabble in and if the statistics are correct, even more mainstream since 50 Shades of Grey hit the stands. Just go into any adult boutique and you can see bondage is alive and well. You can purchase handcuffs and blindfolds and other fun toys to use for such endeavors.

Bondage and discipline is a favorite activity of the men in the My Body Trilogy. I’m fascinated by the trust it takes to allow someone to restrain your body and, by all accounts, the act can create a deep sense of closeness. I wonder about the attraction of being shackled and abused. I do understand that it adds a level of excitement and danger that can set your pulse racing, at least it works that way for the submissives with whom I have spoken and Jane, the main female character in my novels. There is something appealing in letting go of control and trusting someone else to take you to a place where you are left in a puddle of stimulation and sensation that sends you into intense orgasm.

I like reading BDSM stories that incorporate bondage as a theme. I like the stories best when the female is a reluctant participant but ultimately makes the decision to participate. I do find it interesting that what I read may be far more extreme than I would ever care to experience, but it’s still a turn on. I guess that’s why I write that way as well.

I love the rub (pun intended ;)) between what people think should turn them on and what actually does.

The idea of control within sex is a captivating topic and entrusting yourself to another via bondage, is the gift of the submissive.

Is the idea of bondage a turn on or off? Is it something you would consider trying? Please share your stories with us. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
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Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Sexual Brain Differences between Men and Women

A while back, I read a fascinating article called Love, Sex, and the Male Brain by Louann Brizendine.  According to Louann our brains are mostly alike but there are variances when it comes to sex, relating, and territorial behaviors. Men have a larger area of the brain dedicated to defending their turf. I wonder if this makes men more prone to jealousy than women. I have also pondered whether or not jealousy is a modern cultural phenomenon.  If we are programmed genetically to guard that which is ours, then is it an instinctual process?

In contrast, Louann tells us that women have a larger area of the brain dedicated to understanding and getting in sync with other people’s emotions, facial expressions, and body language.

The biggest dichotomy she found was that the male brain has a two and a half times larger area of for sexual pursuit than women.  This is not at all surprising to me.

She discusses the differing levels of male hormones during diverse ages and says that testosterone puts boys/men in a ‘Man Trance’. According to the author, men cannot help themselves because they are programmed to always be on the hunt for fertile females. Checking out women’s breasts comes second nature to men and they fail to understand why their looking should upset the women they are with. I have to agree with this point. Even if you are monogamous, I don’t think wearing blinders like a horse is necessary. I’m not saying that men should have carte blanche to behave in any manner but a little self-esteem goes a really long way in my opinion.

If you’ve read my first novel, My Body-His, then you know I’m fascinated by what motivates people to behave the way they do.  In the second book, My Body-His (Marcello) you will have the opportunity to be ensconced in a power struggle between Luke and Marcello over Jane.  They don’t go as far as banging their chests but they are both lobbying to have sole control over the object of their desire.

Men do fall in “love” as hard as women, according to Luanne, and when a woman gets pregnant, her pheromones affect her man’s testosterone by reducing his output by 30%.  This is just nature’s insurance that the man will stick around through the pregnancy.

Louann goes on to say that there is a misconception that women are more emotional than men. According to her, men have stronger emotional reactions than women do. Men, however, are much better at covering it up and far quicker at doing so. I have to speculate that this particular behavior is culturally driven because men are told they must appear strong and in control.

Here’s the article if you would like to read it for yourself: http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/03/23/brizendine.male.brain/index.html?hpt=C1

What are some of the differences you have found between you and partners? Love to read your thoughts.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
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Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
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Sex is So Much More

Sex encompasses way more than the mere physical act especially when occurring in a long-term committed relationship. Sex is wholly gratifying in more ways than just the mere orgasmic experience.  As I’ve written before, there are many health benefits to having a healthy sex life but it encompasses even more.

A person gets to feel sexy and competent in bringing their husband or lover to satisfaction and satiation. Partners get to relive the best parts of sex and be excited about cumming together again. They can explore fantasies and continually grow in their trust with one another.

The physical expression of love helps people to feel more bonded and close to their partners. How can leaving sex out of the marriage equation be a good thing? I am baffled and intrigued by how many marriages seem to stay together with infrequent or no sex.

They tell me that there are other parts of the relationship that are great. They are friends, their wives or husbands are great moms or dads, and/or they have built a life together. Those are great parts of a marriage for sure and I don’t minimize them, but why is it that in our society sex seems to be the hardest thing to discuss openly. I do wonder sometimes if some women lose interest in their spouse because they aren’t satisfied and yet are too scared/worried to ask for what they want and need. I believe talking about sexual preferences is one of the best ways of increasing intimacy.

Why do we need to take it personally if someone wants a harder or softer touch or prefers one act or position to another? I know for me the things I really enjoy have changed over the years. This might be different for men but great sex happens for me, and I believe for most women, with greater connection and greater trust than a one night stand can provide.

I do differentiate between making love and fucking and frankly they both have their place of appreciation in my life. But even when my husband and I are experiencing raw passion with each other, a deep level of connection still exists.

I think our generation should do our damnedest to shift the culture of our society so we don’t have another generation treating sex like it has to be some big secret or something we can’t be honest about.

Hope you all had a great weekend! As always, I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on the topic.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.