Tag Archives: sex

BDSM Bedtime Stories – Audio excerpt from My Body-His (Marcello)

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I’m happy to share an audio excerpt from the second novel of the My Body Trilogy, My Body-His (Marcello).  It’s a hot and sexy f/f scene for your audio pleasure.  A huge thanks to BookAddict ~ La Crimson Femme for making the recording.

Adult content: Must be 18 or older.

Please comment and let me know what you think and like on youtube.

Thanks and warm hugs,

Blakely

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Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Love is a Verb

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Love has been on my mind a lot lately while working on My Body-Mine, the third book in the My Body Trilogy but also from a real life perspective. In the last two weeks, I have found myself in three different conversations regarding love that I did not initiate. It’s really interesting to hear other people’s perspectives of what love is for them and how it works.

For me, love is an action.

Behavior is more trustworthy than words and words mean nothing when the behavior doesn’t match the affirmation, “I love you!”.   I’m sure everyone has heard of or seen a situation where a couple is supposed to be “in love” but one member of the couple is very abusive to the other like with Luke and Jane in My Body-His. To me, words are easy to throw around but it’s what you do that really shows whether or not you love someone.

So, my first conversation was with an old friend from childhood and he stated rather empathically that love is fleeting. I quickly countered that from my experience that is not the case.  My husband and I have been together almost 18 years now and for us, our love has grown and evolved over the years.  Even when we experienced growing pains, individually or collectively, we have always ended up better and closer on the other side of it.  It would be silly for me to dismiss his assumption out of hand because many love relationships are fleeting in our culture.  I just know that love doesn’t have to be an ever waning experience.  A few of our close friends also have wonderful love relationships, longer than ours, that are totally inspirational. So from our experience, love is alive and well and something that can keep blossoming.

The second conversation had to do with loving and liking someone.  My contention is that you can love someone and not like them much at all.  A relatively new friend of mine was adamant that if you love someone, you have to like them too. There have been times with my parents, my husband and even with my daughter where I didn’t particularly like them in a given moment or longer but I always loved them.  For me you can feel both or either at a given time.

In the third conversation, at a get together this past weekend, one man ask another to share his definition of love. He said that the best definition of love he had heard was that love is an emotion that focuses on the good parts of someone while having blinders to the bad stuff. That was the general gist anyway. I would argue that real love sees all the parts of the person and loves them despite their flaws or even because of them.  I shared with them that to me love is a verb, the behaviors that show how you feel about another.  Does Luke love Jane? Does he even like her?  I would have to say that based on his behavior he has no clue what loving someone really looks like.

So what are the behaviors of love? I’m sitting here and wondering if this is a universal answer or just a Blakely answer. I hope you, my readers, will chime in on this one. For me love is about time, attention, support, and having a positive regard for your partner. Whether it’s a touch on the shoulder in passing, a kiss just before you leave for work, cleaning up the kitchen even though it’s “their” job that night, spooning in bed, making love, working on yourself to be a better partner or parent, offering support when needed…the list really is endless.  Those are the actions of love and the real definition to me.

Another facet of romantic love for me is the want to satisfy my partner. I understand that relationships are complicated and that not everyone prioritizes intimacy like we do but I also don’t understand how you can love someone and not care at all if they are satisfied sexually. Many people I know have stopped having sex with their partners or have far less sex than they would like. Just last night we watched the movie called Hope Springs and in that film the couple hadn’t had sex in four years. That is unfathomable to me because making love is the very best part of being in love!

The people I love in my life, friends and family, are people I invest my time and energy in.  Love is definitely more than a feeling for me.

Do you see love as an action or an emotion? What do you do to show your love to another?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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The Biology of Cheating

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Arnold Schwarzenegger in the past spurred a lot of debate in the news, online, and on talk shows in regards to his cheating and fathering a child with another woman. I have been pretty hard on people, men especially, for having affairs. This blog isn’t about condoning or vilifying Arnold’s actions but more about looking at our society at large and discussing the biology of humans.

I believe that our culture, like every other one, is contrived. Many of the “rules” of society originated through religion many years ago and may have had some merit, or not. If you’ve studied culture at all, you know that what is “normal” in one part of the world can be considered barbaric, odd or just plain wrong in another part of the world and therefore culture and our societal norms are completely changeable.

It’s clear to me that “mid-life crisis” is very real and from the statistics I have gathered, it hits about 25% of the population between 39-50 years of age. The psychology community seems to feel it’s based on the realization that the person in crisis is getting older and will eventually die.  If we look deeply into the behavior of societies and less at the morality of specific actions, I wonder if it’s not more of a biological manifestation. It seems to me that many humans seem to be biologically motivated to find another partner or partners. The driving force? I believe it is to spread the seed for men, and to find another mate for procreation for women.

After originally posting this blog, I found a current article that was published in the Scientific Journal about a study of apes who the scientists say have ‘mid-life’ crises.  Check it out: http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_289563/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=NI0rLvQm

Why do people cheat? For one, we live in a society where the honest expression of one’s needs and desires are deemed unacceptable. You are viewed as a flawed human being with something inherently wrong with you if you desire more than one sexual partner. There is not much room in our societal norms to address those needs appropriately and transparently. To a large degree, it is best performed in secret, while condemning others who have been caught or staunchly defending the monogamous credo while cheating at the same time. At least it seems that way in the world of politics and religion, a venue of power DOMinated by men…no pun intended. 😉

Should we be able to override our biological urges and desires? I know that many professionals think so. Religion certainly speaks to it. Is that a realistic notion given that the biological drive is a powerful urge which simply overrides logic? I wonder about this because why would people who cheat risk everything that they have worked so hard for? I don’t see the logical sense in that. Could we as a people be set for self-destructive behavior? I don’t think so. Biologically we are driven to procreate to keep our species alive and I believe that leads us to behave outside of the morality of the day. BIO-logic is far stronger than reason logic.

I do fantasize about a more transparent existence but I also think I’m hoping for Utopia and we all know Utopia is a fictitious place.  Hmmm, maybe something to incorporate into my next novel. 😉

What do you all think? Please chime in.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

The Effects of Pornography on Our Sex Culture

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I want to be clear that for the most part, I don’t have issues with pornography or the 13 billion dollar a year industry. I personally prefer to read sexy stories rather than watch overt copulation, so porn is really not an avenue for my sexual arousal, although in all honesty I have watched videos in the past and more recently, a few for research sake. Most videos do not feel authentic and therefore are a turn off to me (fake moaning is the worst!). Because only 30% of women can reach orgasm from sexual intercourse alone, the industry misrepresents the other 70% of women and yet for the industry that seems to be the main portrayal of sexual fulfillment in pornography.  Okay so maybe I do have some issues with it. 😉

I just watched a video in which a clip of a Jeff Probst Show featured Cindy Gallop. She is adamant that we all need to be reeducated, especially those who are younger and who avidly watch porn. 99.9% of porn, according to Cindy, is produced by men for men and gives a skewed view of sexual intimacy where the ultimate goal is male satisfaction, which is not beneficial to women. On her website, www.makelovenotporn.com she addresses the more realistic needs of women and what fulfilling sex really looks like.

Cindy states that because there is no counter point in our society to talk openly about sex, people believe the artificial entertainment of porn is the real deal.

I have a few male friends who have mentioned that they think their porn watching might leave them less inclined to have sex with their partners. If porn is interfering with real contact and connection then it has become a problem in my opinion.

Some people have referred to My Body-His as being pornography and I’m not sure it qualifies. When I looked up the definitions of erotica and porn, they have the same one. I would argue though that the definition, “Creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire,” does not fit. My novels do more than stimulate sexual desire so maybe we need a whole new term for it. That’s my opinion anyway and I’m sticking to it. 🙂

Personally, I believe there are many expression of sexuality and I’m not here to judge other people’s choices. It would be nice, however, if men could represent a more real world perspective of sex and women would step to the plate and create something that would resonate more with women and reality.

I would love to hear your views on this topic.  Please share with us.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Reviews

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It has been interesting for me to read the reviews of My Body-His. The last two reviewers really hated Luke, the main male character. I imagined people would feel more like Bookie Nookie who wrote, “Honestly, Luke is one of those heroes you love to hate and I can’t really decide at the moment if I want him or want to kill him.”

I don’t quite understand the abject hatred of Luke. I see him as a flawed, damaged character and Jane can choose to leave at any time. Of course, I know more of the back story than the rest of the readers that comes to light in My Body-His (Marcello) the second book of the My Body trilogy. I didn’t intend for people to hate him, however I did hope people would feel Jane’s plight and it is clear to me that is happening.

I honestly see more of a love to hate him scenario than a hate to hate him. It will be interesting to hear the views of the men who read the novel (all the reviewers have been female so far). I wonder if men will feel the same way about Luke.

One reviewer didn’t care for Jane either and another said she thought Jane was addicted to the orgasms Luke doled out. I don’t see Jane as addicted to the sex which Luke uses to keep her engaged. She is addicted to his love and approval which he dishes out and then takes away again. That is the addiction for Jane.

Of course the wonderful thing about reading a book is that you get to decide what it all means to you and with that, I will let you all decide for yourself.

Now that the book is out, I would love to know what you think.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Man Sweat

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I recently read an interesting article entitled “Why the smell of a man’s armpit is a turn-on” by Fiona Macrae. I find it especially intriguing because we as a cultured do so much to try to cover our natural odors.

According to the article, male sweat contains a compound called Androstadienone. Scientists say that just a few sniffs and a woman’s mood is lightened and her sexual arousal is raised.

I have no doubts about this at all. A good manly smell is such a turn on and now I know that this smell affects me hormonally, physiologically, and psychologically according to the article. What a power packed punch!

Another interesting fact stated in the article is that women on the pill seem to be immune to the smell.

They did another interesting study where women were broken into two groups. One group rated photos of men and the second group rated the same photos but unbeknownst to them they were subjected to the smell of male sweat at the same time. The women in the second group rated the men much higher than the women in the first group.

It was also mentioned in the article that we use smell to find a good match. The more different they smell from us the better the match in regards to the immune system and it keep us from mating with those genetically close to us.

I feel the need to make the pitch to reduce all the unnecessary smells in our lives especially scented laundry detergent. I personally hate to hug someone and get the stinky laundry detergent smell. It’s so egregious that it covers everything else.

This is probably TMI but I adore my husband’s smell and in fact if he has showered I’m not as turned on by his scent. I much prefer his smell by the end of the day!

This leads me to another thought. Can you be in love with someone whose smell you don’t like? I would think not. What do you think?

To all my friends, fans, and their families on the east coast, you are in my thoughts tonight and I hope that you all weathered this storm unharmed.  Here’s hoping the clean up and recovery go quickly and smoothly.  Having experienced too many hurricanes in Florida I now reside in the Great Northwest.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

Could Lack of Sex Be Killing You?

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According to Dr. Oz, the leading health problem in the United States isn’t obesity but lack of sex. The average sex life is once a week, thank god I don’t live by that standard! The good doctor says if you increase having sex from once a week to twice a week you will live three years longer. I wonder if that is exponential if you have it even more often.

I hear so much from men about how their wives have just completely lost interest in sex. I have to wonder if it’s because A. they are sucky lovers (sorry guys), B. they don’t work on having a close intimate relationship with their wife, (most women need a connection to want to have sex) or C. their wives need their hormones checked.

According to Dr. Oz’s article, one in seven women has never cum. No orgasms. Zip, nada, zilch. I can’t even imagine it. Guess what the biggest hang up is regarding sex? Can you guess it?  ~People are too scared to talk about sex.~ As I have said before, it’s unfathomable to me because how do you get your needs met if you can’t even communicate them? YOU DON’T!

Dr. Mike Moreno says sex can boost your immune system, reduce the risk of prostate cancer, and protect your heart. Because of the biochemical released, it can reduce stress and make you happier. For women going through menopause, the more sex the better which reduces the chance of vaginal dryness. Dr. Mike agrees with Dr. Oz, sex adds years to your life. Dr. Mike prescribes sex at least three times a week.

I, for one, would like to live a long, healthy life and it’s good to know I’m adding years by having the time of my life.

As always, your thoughts and comments are welcomed.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

The Love Debate

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A while back my husband and I debated whether love is something that never dies or something you can fall in and out of. There are people who I have loved but no longer love. It’s my husband’s contention that I was never in love with them in the first place.

I have a less ethereal view of love. I believe love takes time and attention. If love is not nurtured over a long period of time it will wane or change. I also believe love can die or be cut out of you with painful, hurtful, or neglectful behaviors.

My husband asked me how I can be committed to anyone if I believe love can die. One, I don’t see love and commitment as the same thing and two, love that is nurtured stays alive and strong. My relationship with my husband is living proof of that.

I have heard it said, over and over, “I still love her…I’m just not ‘in love’ with her anymore.” I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean. You still care about them but you have no desire to be intimate emotionally or physically?

I think many people confuse love with New Relationship Energy (NRE), lust, and/or limerence. They each inspire all those wonderful biochemicals we get to experience in the beginning of a relationship or romance.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. To me love grows over time. However, I do believe strongly in lust at first sight. Although both Jane and Luke in My Body-His would say that they fell in love at first sight, I would have to argue that chemistry and lust consumed them both to such an extent that it felt like love to them.

I have not loved any other man in the way I love my husband. I have grown and changed over our years together as has my capacity to love. I do believe that if we stopped nurturing our connection that our love would eventually fade away or transform into a different kind of love.  In the same way I believe love evolves over time, I believe love devolves without the necessary attention.

Where do you fall in this debate? Do you believe that love is everlasting? Or do you believe love has the capacity to last a lifetime but can also die out?

Please share your comments.

Warm hugs,

Blakely Bennett
www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

A Day I Will Never Forget

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Today is a day I will not soon forget. I’m so excited to announce that My Body-His is available for pre-sale on Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349278898&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His

Each step in the process is bringing me closer and closer to fulfilling a long standing dream. I remember writing stories and poetry in my early 20s and dreaming of having my novel chosen for Oprah’s book club. Gone is Oprah’s show but the dream has never faded. I still hope to get on a talk show, do book signings, and see my novels on the New York Best Seller’s Lists. My daughter’s pick is for me to get on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Still a long way for me to go, I know, but so much closer than I have ever been.  🙂

I feel emotional and elated today. People have told me they pre-ordered the book and it’s made me tear up. My husband and daughters are so excited as well.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in becoming a published author.  Words of encouragement go a long way. Thank you!

Warm hugs,

Blakely
http://www.amazon.com/Blakely-Bennett/e/B009LB3420
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

 

 

Orgasm

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My husband and I were joking around that we should open a place called the Orgasium; combining the words gymnasium and orgasm. It would be a place where people could learn to have and give intense long lasting orgasms. Not sure our culture is ready for that, yet. I still hold out hope.

What is an orgasm really? For me it’s the culmination of an intense energy explosion that shoots all these fantastic biochemicals through my system giving me the best high imaginable without any long lasting side effects except the desire to do it again! According to Wikipedia, an orgasm is the peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure. Yeah, that’s what I meant. 😉

I find the release one of the hardest things to describe and as my publisher/editor so kindly pointed out and I can’t use, “waves of pleasure”, over and over.  🙂

Did you know that the clit is the only organ whose sole purpose is sexual pleasure? I have often wondered why it’s situated above the vaginal opening as it seems to be a flawed design. If the clitoris was located just inside the vagina…wow! I also wonder why such a small percentage of women can have orgasms solely through intercourse and yet in movies and books (even mine in some places) that’s all it takes to get a woman to cum leaving women feeling somehow inferior because they can’t orgasm that way.

I think it’s vitally important that a person know how to make themselves cum. I was shocked to find out my college roommate had never ever masturbated. How can you show your partner what makes you feel good enough to cum if you yourself do not know?

I don’t think the orgasm is the most important part of sex, just the best part! I think the best way to get the orgasms you really desire is to be connected, along with open and honest communication and self-exploration with your partner.

What do you think?