Tag Archives: sexual

Bondage

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I have read about the psychology of bondage (research!) and have written several sex scenes that include one form or another of restraint. It seems pretty apparent to me that it’s a fairly mainstream activity for couples to dabble in and if the statistics are correct, even more mainstream since 50 Shades of Grey hit the stands. Just go into any adult boutique and you can see bondage is alive and well. You can purchase handcuffs and blindfolds and other fun toys to use for such endeavors.

Bondage and discipline is a favorite activity of the men in the My Body Trilogy. I’m fascinated by the trust it takes to allow someone to restrain your body and, by all accounts, the act can create a deep sense of closeness. I wonder about the attraction of being shackled and abused. I do understand that it adds a level of excitement and danger that can set your pulse racing, at least it works that way for the submissives with whom I have spoken and Jane, the main female character in my novels. There is something appealing in letting go of control and trusting someone else to take you to a place where you are left in a puddle of stimulation and sensation that sends you into intense orgasm.

I like reading BDSM stories that incorporate bondage as a theme. I like the stories best when the female is a reluctant participant but ultimately makes the decision to participate. I do find it interesting that what I read may be far more extreme than I would ever care to experience, but it’s still a turn on. I guess that’s why I write that way as well.

I love the rub (pun intended ;)) between what people think should turn them on and what actually does.

The idea of control within sex is a captivating topic and entrusting yourself to another via bondage, is the gift of the submissive.

Is the idea of bondage a turn on or off? Is it something you would consider trying? Please share your stories with us. 🙂

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

My Blog Tour!

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My Body Series Button 600 x 425 (1)

I’m very excited to share that my blog tour is starting today.  There will be an ebook giveaway at each site so make sure to comment!

Here are all the links for the coming days.  You can also hit the tour button on the right sidebar which will take you to the most current site.

If you come across a blog you would like to comment on or have other questions for me after reading one of the interviews, feel free to post your questions here.

I hope everyone had a wonderful week.  We are actually having sunshine in the good ol’ Northwest.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

March 4 Guest blog
Roxanne’s Realm
 
March 6 Interview
Pembroke Sinclair.
 
March 7 Guest blog and review
Romance Addict Book Blog
 
March 8 Interview
Fang-tastic Books
 
March 9 Interview
The Creatively Green Write at Home Mom
 
March 11 Spotlight and review
Readaholic’s Reviews
 
March 12 Excerpt and review
Erzabet’s Enchantments
 
March 14 Spotlight
Provocative Pages
 
March 15 Naughty Nook Feature
Bewitching Book Tours Magazine page 59
 
March 20 Guest blog and review
Urban Girl Reader –
 
March 21 Interview
Jodie Pierce
 
March 22 Guest blog and review
Hooked In a Book
 
March 23 Spotlight
A Bibliophiles Thoughts on Books
 
March 24 Spotlight
Mila Ramos
 
March 25 Spotlight
Reviewing in Chaos
 
March 27 Guest blog
Erotica For All,
 
March 28 Interview and review
Nightstand Novels

March 29 Interview and review
My Home Away From Home –
www.officialmhafh.com

April 2 Spotlight
Lisa’s World of Books
 
April 3 Spotlight
My Sexy Escapes

Sexual Brain Differences between Men and Women

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A while back, I read a fascinating article called Love, Sex, and the Male Brain by Louann Brizendine.  According to Louann our brains are mostly alike but there are variances when it comes to sex, relating, and territorial behaviors. Men have a larger area of the brain dedicated to defending their turf. I wonder if this makes men more prone to jealousy than women. I have also pondered whether or not jealousy is a modern cultural phenomenon.  If we are programmed genetically to guard that which is ours, then is it an instinctual process?

In contrast, Louann tells us that women have a larger area of the brain dedicated to understanding and getting in sync with other people’s emotions, facial expressions, and body language.

The biggest dichotomy she found was that the male brain has a two and a half times larger area of for sexual pursuit than women.  This is not at all surprising to me.

She discusses the differing levels of male hormones during diverse ages and says that testosterone puts boys/men in a ‘Man Trance’. According to the author, men cannot help themselves because they are programmed to always be on the hunt for fertile females. Checking out women’s breasts comes second nature to men and they fail to understand why their looking should upset the women they are with. I have to agree with this point. Even if you are monogamous, I don’t think wearing blinders like a horse is necessary. I’m not saying that men should have carte blanche to behave in any manner but a little self-esteem goes a really long way in my opinion.

If you’ve read my first novel, My Body-His, then you know I’m fascinated by what motivates people to behave the way they do.  In the second book, My Body-His (Marcello) you will have the opportunity to be ensconced in a power struggle between Luke and Marcello over Jane.  They don’t go as far as banging their chests but they are both lobbying to have sole control over the object of their desire.

Men do fall in “love” as hard as women, according to Luanne, and when a woman gets pregnant, her pheromones affect her man’s testosterone by reducing his output by 30%.  This is just nature’s insurance that the man will stick around through the pregnancy.

Louann goes on to say that there is a misconception that women are more emotional than men. According to her, men have stronger emotional reactions than women do. Men, however, are much better at covering it up and far quicker at doing so. I have to speculate that this particular behavior is culturally driven because men are told they must appear strong and in control.

Here’s the article if you would like to read it for yourself: http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/03/23/brizendine.male.brain/index.html?hpt=C1

What are some of the differences you have found between you and partners? Love to read your thoughts.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.
And follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.
Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.
Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

Sex is So Much More

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Sex encompasses way more than the mere physical act especially when occurring in a long-term committed relationship. Sex is wholly gratifying in more ways than just the mere orgasmic experience.  As I’ve written before, there are many health benefits to having a healthy sex life but it encompasses even more.

A person gets to feel sexy and competent in bringing their husband or lover to satisfaction and satiation. Partners get to relive the best parts of sex and be excited about cumming together again. They can explore fantasies and continually grow in their trust with one another.

The physical expression of love helps people to feel more bonded and close to their partners. How can leaving sex out of the marriage equation be a good thing? I am baffled and intrigued by how many marriages seem to stay together with infrequent or no sex.

They tell me that there are other parts of the relationship that are great. They are friends, their wives or husbands are great moms or dads, and/or they have built a life together. Those are great parts of a marriage for sure and I don’t minimize them, but why is it that in our society sex seems to be the hardest thing to discuss openly. I do wonder sometimes if some women lose interest in their spouse because they aren’t satisfied and yet are too scared/worried to ask for what they want and need. I believe talking about sexual preferences is one of the best ways of increasing intimacy.

Why do we need to take it personally if someone wants a harder or softer touch or prefers one act or position to another? I know for me the things I really enjoy have changed over the years. This might be different for men but great sex happens for me, and I believe for most women, with greater connection and greater trust than a one night stand can provide.

I do differentiate between making love and fucking and frankly they both have their place of appreciation in my life. But even when my husband and I are experiencing raw passion with each other, a deep level of connection still exists.

I think our generation should do our damnedest to shift the culture of our society so we don’t have another generation treating sex like it has to be some big secret or something we can’t be honest about.

Hope you all had a great weekend! As always, I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on the topic.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His (book one) for sale on Amazon here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

BDSM Bedtime Stories – Audio excerpt from My Body-His (Marcello)

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I’m happy to share an audio excerpt from the second novel of the My Body Trilogy, My Body-His (Marcello).  It’s a hot and sexy f/f scene for your audio pleasure.  A huge thanks to BookAddict ~ La Crimson Femme for making the recording.

Adult content: Must be 18 or older.

Please comment and let me know what you think and like on youtube.

Thanks and warm hugs,

Blakely

Please feel free to friend me on Facebook by clicking here.

Or follow the My Body Trilogy Facebook page by clicking here.

Find My Body-His Marcello (book two) for pre-sale on Amazon here.

The Biology of Cheating

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Arnold Schwarzenegger in the past spurred a lot of debate in the news, online, and on talk shows in regards to his cheating and fathering a child with another woman. I have been pretty hard on people, men especially, for having affairs. This blog isn’t about condoning or vilifying Arnold’s actions but more about looking at our society at large and discussing the biology of humans.

I believe that our culture, like every other one, is contrived. Many of the “rules” of society originated through religion many years ago and may have had some merit, or not. If you’ve studied culture at all, you know that what is “normal” in one part of the world can be considered barbaric, odd or just plain wrong in another part of the world and therefore culture and our societal norms are completely changeable.

It’s clear to me that “mid-life crisis” is very real and from the statistics I have gathered, it hits about 25% of the population between 39-50 years of age. The psychology community seems to feel it’s based on the realization that the person in crisis is getting older and will eventually die.  If we look deeply into the behavior of societies and less at the morality of specific actions, I wonder if it’s not more of a biological manifestation. It seems to me that many humans seem to be biologically motivated to find another partner or partners. The driving force? I believe it is to spread the seed for men, and to find another mate for procreation for women.

After originally posting this blog, I found a current article that was published in the Scientific Journal about a study of apes who the scientists say have ‘mid-life’ crises.  Check it out: http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_289563/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=NI0rLvQm

Why do people cheat? For one, we live in a society where the honest expression of one’s needs and desires are deemed unacceptable. You are viewed as a flawed human being with something inherently wrong with you if you desire more than one sexual partner. There is not much room in our societal norms to address those needs appropriately and transparently. To a large degree, it is best performed in secret, while condemning others who have been caught or staunchly defending the monogamous credo while cheating at the same time. At least it seems that way in the world of politics and religion, a venue of power DOMinated by men…no pun intended. 😉

Should we be able to override our biological urges and desires? I know that many professionals think so. Religion certainly speaks to it. Is that a realistic notion given that the biological drive is a powerful urge which simply overrides logic? I wonder about this because why would people who cheat risk everything that they have worked so hard for? I don’t see the logical sense in that. Could we as a people be set for self-destructive behavior? I don’t think so. Biologically we are driven to procreate to keep our species alive and I believe that leads us to behave outside of the morality of the day. BIO-logic is far stronger than reason logic.

I do fantasize about a more transparent existence but I also think I’m hoping for Utopia and we all know Utopia is a fictitious place.  Hmmm, maybe something to incorporate into my next novel. 😉

What do you all think? Please chime in.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

The Effects of Pornography on Our Sex Culture

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I want to be clear that for the most part, I don’t have issues with pornography or the 13 billion dollar a year industry. I personally prefer to read sexy stories rather than watch overt copulation, so porn is really not an avenue for my sexual arousal, although in all honesty I have watched videos in the past and more recently, a few for research sake. Most videos do not feel authentic and therefore are a turn off to me (fake moaning is the worst!). Because only 30% of women can reach orgasm from sexual intercourse alone, the industry misrepresents the other 70% of women and yet for the industry that seems to be the main portrayal of sexual fulfillment in pornography.  Okay so maybe I do have some issues with it. 😉

I just watched a video in which a clip of a Jeff Probst Show featured Cindy Gallop. She is adamant that we all need to be reeducated, especially those who are younger and who avidly watch porn. 99.9% of porn, according to Cindy, is produced by men for men and gives a skewed view of sexual intimacy where the ultimate goal is male satisfaction, which is not beneficial to women. On her website, www.makelovenotporn.com she addresses the more realistic needs of women and what fulfilling sex really looks like.

Cindy states that because there is no counter point in our society to talk openly about sex, people believe the artificial entertainment of porn is the real deal.

I have a few male friends who have mentioned that they think their porn watching might leave them less inclined to have sex with their partners. If porn is interfering with real contact and connection then it has become a problem in my opinion.

Some people have referred to My Body-His as being pornography and I’m not sure it qualifies. When I looked up the definitions of erotica and porn, they have the same one. I would argue though that the definition, “Creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire,” does not fit. My novels do more than stimulate sexual desire so maybe we need a whole new term for it. That’s my opinion anyway and I’m sticking to it. 🙂

Personally, I believe there are many expression of sexuality and I’m not here to judge other people’s choices. It would be nice, however, if men could represent a more real world perspective of sex and women would step to the plate and create something that would resonate more with women and reality.

I would love to hear your views on this topic.  Please share with us.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Reviews

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It has been interesting for me to read the reviews of My Body-His. The last two reviewers really hated Luke, the main male character. I imagined people would feel more like Bookie Nookie who wrote, “Honestly, Luke is one of those heroes you love to hate and I can’t really decide at the moment if I want him or want to kill him.”

I don’t quite understand the abject hatred of Luke. I see him as a flawed, damaged character and Jane can choose to leave at any time. Of course, I know more of the back story than the rest of the readers that comes to light in My Body-His (Marcello) the second book of the My Body trilogy. I didn’t intend for people to hate him, however I did hope people would feel Jane’s plight and it is clear to me that is happening.

I honestly see more of a love to hate him scenario than a hate to hate him. It will be interesting to hear the views of the men who read the novel (all the reviewers have been female so far). I wonder if men will feel the same way about Luke.

One reviewer didn’t care for Jane either and another said she thought Jane was addicted to the orgasms Luke doled out. I don’t see Jane as addicted to the sex which Luke uses to keep her engaged. She is addicted to his love and approval which he dishes out and then takes away again. That is the addiction for Jane.

Of course the wonderful thing about reading a book is that you get to decide what it all means to you and with that, I will let you all decide for yourself.

Now that the book is out, I would love to know what you think.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Limerence and/or NRE

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“Limerence” and New Relationship Energy (NRE) is the state of biochemical pleasure that so many people crave and yet really don’t understand. It’s the very intense feelings you have in the beginning of a new relationship. Dorothy Tennov coined the term limerence in 1979 in her book called, “Love and Limerence”.

Limerence can cause a whole host of behaviors from the more mild forms of being unable to focus, always thinking about the person of desire, checking your phone or email messages obsessively, and in the most extreme cases you might find a person resorting to stalking behaviors. NRE is a term used in the same vein but without the obsessive aspects.

Jane, most definitely suffers from limerence in My Body-His and confuses it with love.

Most people, like Jane’s character, are unconscious about what motivates their choices and decisions when in a limerent or NRE state and tend to confuse it with love. If people were more aware of the neurological effects, they could still enjoy the wonderful biochemical dance running through their blood stream but not succumb to the crazy behaviors or thought patterns that can manifest during the throes of unbridled hormonal passion best known as dopamine- the “LOVE” connection.

People, who tend to have very short-term relationships, are probably addicted to the limerent chemical rush and/or NRE. As soon as its effects begin to wear off, they move on to a “new” relationship. Hey, it’s good stuff and rumor has it that it can last up to 2 years. I’m here to testify that the good parts can last much, much longer when there is open and honest communication and ongoing intimacy. My husband and I still have it!

Limerence, not understood, can lead people to make bad choices for themselves like moving across the country for someone they barely know or getting married before they have figured out whether or not they are truly compatible or ending a long marriage over an affair.

I think NRE is great and know it can really work for people if they stay conscious enough to deal with it responsibly and knowledgably. Let love rule but don’t let it cloud your brain.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300

Man Sweat

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I recently read an interesting article entitled “Why the smell of a man’s armpit is a turn-on” by Fiona Macrae. I find it especially intriguing because we as a cultured do so much to try to cover our natural odors.

According to the article, male sweat contains a compound called Androstadienone. Scientists say that just a few sniffs and a woman’s mood is lightened and her sexual arousal is raised.

I have no doubts about this at all. A good manly smell is such a turn on and now I know that this smell affects me hormonally, physiologically, and psychologically according to the article. What a power packed punch!

Another interesting fact stated in the article is that women on the pill seem to be immune to the smell.

They did another interesting study where women were broken into two groups. One group rated photos of men and the second group rated the same photos but unbeknownst to them they were subjected to the smell of male sweat at the same time. The women in the second group rated the men much higher than the women in the first group.

It was also mentioned in the article that we use smell to find a good match. The more different they smell from us the better the match in regards to the immune system and it keep us from mating with those genetically close to us.

I feel the need to make the pitch to reduce all the unnecessary smells in our lives especially scented laundry detergent. I personally hate to hug someone and get the stinky laundry detergent smell. It’s so egregious that it covers everything else.

This is probably TMI but I adore my husband’s smell and in fact if he has showered I’m not as turned on by his scent. I much prefer his smell by the end of the day!

This leads me to another thought. Can you be in love with someone whose smell you don’t like? I would think not. What do you think?

To all my friends, fans, and their families on the east coast, you are in my thoughts tonight and I hope that you all weathered this storm unharmed.  Here’s hoping the clean up and recovery go quickly and smoothly.  Having experienced too many hurricanes in Florida I now reside in the Great Northwest.

Warm hugs,

Blakely www.amazon.com/author/blakelybennett
http://www.amazon.com/My-Body-His-Blakely-Bennett/dp/1603815236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349791682&sr=8-1&keywords=My+Body-His
http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Body-His-series/359307324147300