A close friend of ours lost her husband several months ago and because of having family in town, we were unable to attend the memorial. She put together this amazing tribute that we just watched at her house this past week.
We were friends with her husband too and found out we knew very little about his past. He lived the life of ten men. I have never known any one person to accomplish and achieve so much in such a variety of ways. Continue reading
Please give a warm welcome to PJ Fiala, author of Second Chances & Dog Days of Summer. Thank you for taking the time to visit with us. It’s been my pleasure to get to know you better.
What project are you currently working on?
I am currently engrossed in the Rolling Thunder Series. Dog Days of Summer, the first book just came out August 1st. Rydin the Storm Out, is the second book in the series and is just now coming back from beta readers. The third and fourth books are both in varying levels of completion. Continue reading
This past Monday was my daughter’s first day of her senior year in high school. Through the Running Start program she is taking all college classes this year, which apply toward her high school diploma and achieving her AA in college. I wish they had something like that when I was in high school.
Where I couldn’t get older fast enough, she is not too thrilled that this is her senior year and that in a few months from now she will be turning eighteen. Truthfully, I was more oblivious to the world around me and the current state of politics where she is not. She is very concerned over what might be around the corner for our country and for the planet. Continue reading
My husband and I were at a small art fair this weekend selling our books. A woman stopped at our table and mentioned—rather passionately—that she abhorred 50 Shades of Grey (she had read the first two books). She was concerned about the lack of consensual sex in 50 Shades and at least to me, in the first book it was clearly 100% Anastasia’s decision (I haven’t read the other two). Grey placed all his cards on the table in FSOG and Ana knew what she was getting into. Continue reading
Alice Popkorn – http://goo.gl/ex4LVu
What I realized:
While taking time off from social media and writing, it became clear to me that I need to spend more time doing what I truly love to do and spend less hours of the day on social media constantly pushing and promoting. I’m not saying there is no value to promoting; however I do believe that more books and less promotion will generate more sales than fewer novels and more advertising. Continue reading
I’ve been protecting myself. And in a place of self-protection, I can’t create, I can’t be vulnerable, I can’t be empathic to my characters. It’s not that the story isn’t there or that I’m stuck. I’m not. The truth is I don’t feel like writing another book. My heart hurts.
I’m a pretty intelligent sort and I know with all creative endeavors there are critics. So it would be beyond stupid of me to expect none. What I didn’t expect was mean. I have never written a mean review in my life because I know that if a story or a piece of art isn’t for me, it just isn’t. I don’t have to bash and shame and degrade other writers or artists. I don’t even have to understand their point.
Right now I’m exhausted and I’m pissing and moaning. Please forgive me. I’m just tired of pushing so hard. I wish I had the self-esteem of my husband (an enviable trait) because then I’d just brush off any negative review and focus on the abundance of positive ones. I’d persevere. And I will. I’ll get back to it. I’ll come out of hiding and let my guard down again, soon.
I’m in limbo waiting to see what happens with Bittersweet Deceit coming out August 5th. Then I will decide if I want to continue chasing the dream full-time.
I just finished watching Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren’t The Ones Who Count:
She makes an interesting point, well several, but the one I’m pointing out is about courage. She says it’s an important value to hold. Am I courageous? Sometimes I am. I think what I need more is tenacity.
Brené shared on her video my favorite quote of all time:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
Maybe I need to read the quote every single day! One hundred days in a row!
Make sure to check out the video above. It was a good reminder to me that only the courageous persevere.
Warm hugs,
Blakely
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I recently watched two documentaries that I think are worth discussing. The first was called The Unhung Hero, about a man who after publicly proposing to his girlfriend at a large sporting event suffered a brutal turndown and found out later the main reason for her declining had to do with the size of his penis (too small). The second story called Aroused was a video/photo shoot by the fine art photographer Deborah Anderson who featured sixteen of the world’s most successful female adult film stars. Continue reading
An online friend and I recently had a somewhat heated debate about paying for reviews. He told me about a website, where he had signed up, that has a requirement to provide gift cards in exchange for potential reviews. I said something like, “I’m unwilling to pay money to get reviews.” For him, since it wasn’t a direct exchange, money for a review, it was completely fine.
We all get to decide, thankfully, where our personal line of ethics lies.
I have been asked by other authors to “post a review” in exchange for a review of my book. I wouldn’t even have to read the novel and they would tell me what to write. Of course I declined. Is it wrong that I want to sink or swim on my own merit?
There are people on FB that offer reviews for a fee. I’m completely against this. My debate partner tried to equate giving my book away for free with paying for a review. I completely and vehemently disagreed. Yes, we can place a value on an eBook (although it costs me nothing to provide one) or even a paperback but I don’t feel like I’m BUYING a review by providing a reviewer with a free copy.
You can find plenty of websites where you can pay a rather steep fee to get to be reviewed on their site. To me a book is either good or not and there are so many different free sites to get your book noticed that I don’t want to pay my hard earned money to support an industry that exploits its writers.
I became rather irritated during the debate and I realized why it happened after the fact. I’m perfectly okay with having a difference of opinion with people and many people who read this post will probably think there is nothing wrong with paying money to get your book promoted any way they can. It’s a business, right? However, when someone argues with me as if their position is the only one that makes sense; I want to slap the imagined smirk off their face. Not truly, since I’m the non-violent creative type, but I think I’ve illustrated my point.
Where do you fall along the divide? Please share your thoughts with us.
Warm hugs to all my readers and a special hug to my debate partner,
Blakely
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In my first blog on expectations I wrote about positive and negative filters but didn’t address being invested in a particular outcome. I remember a great example of a time when my expectations were sorely tested. One Saturday morning, the only day that week we had to sleep in, we were lying in bed beginning to get amorous but still not quite part of the waking world when the phone rang at 9:00 AM…rude on a Saturday in my not so humble opinion.
This was back when I was doing bookkeeping and there was a meeting set for the morning. I had previously provided them with the reports they had requested but the man on the phone wanted more. So I booted up my computer and shot over more reports. Then, before I could steal back to bed, another call came in asking me financial questions that my brain was not up to speed to answer. Keep in mind this meeting was formed and called at the last minute on a Saturday morning which I was NOT required to attend. Turns out the financial question was a simple one that had I been asked later in the day would have been blatantly apparent but instead, an hour passed until it was resolved. Anger had done its job by that point in waking me up completely.
So what does all of that have to do with expectations? By the time the impromptu phone conference finished, neither my husband nor I were in the head space to head back to bed. Our expectations for our Saturday morning were shot and really affected our mood.
My idealized self is a go-with-the-flow kind of woman but the truth of me is that a very aggravating meeting first thing in the morning messed with my mojo. I’m happy to say we were able to shake it off by that evening and had a wonderful Sunday together but it certainly made me think about how attached I am to my expectations.
To me it felt especially harsh given that Saturdays are MY time with my husband and I hate when other people’s piss poor planning effects my day. The hardest part was being aware of how much it impacted both my husband and me. It did, however, stimulate another blog for me to write so it wasn’t all bad. 😉
I do tend to be flexible about change especially when it’s not interfering with my free time. My husband and daughter have a harder time adjusting to unexpected change and it’s a good thing to know about a person. It makes it easier to understand why someone gets upset when things go in an unexpected direction.
I know I could have chosen not to answer the phone that morning and if I had to do it all over again I probably would have let the call go to voice mail. Next time I will.
I must add the caveat that for people like me, who like surprises, the unexpected can sometimes be very welcomed. Just don’t get me out of bed early when I have other things on my mind!
How do you handle unexpected changes when you have expectations of how something will go? Is it easy for you to let it roll off your back or do you have a hard time adjusting? Please share your comments and stories.
Warm hugs,
Blakely
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Arnold Schwarzenegger in the past spurred a lot of debate in the news, online, and on talk shows in regards to his cheating and fathering a child with another woman. I have been pretty hard on people, men especially, for having affairs. This blog isn’t about condoning or vilifying Arnold’s actions but more about looking at our society at large and discussing the biology of humans.
I believe that our culture, like every other one, is contrived. Many of the “rules” of society originated through religion many years ago and may have had some merit, or not. If you’ve studied culture at all, you know that what is “normal” in one part of the world can be considered barbaric, odd or just plain wrong in another part of the world and therefore culture and our societal norms are completely changeable.
It’s clear to me that “mid-life crisis” is very real and from the statistics I have gathered, it hits about 25% of the population between 39-50 years of age. The psychology community seems to feel it’s based on the realization that the person in crisis is getting older and will eventually die. If we look deeply into the behavior of societies and less at the morality of specific actions, I wonder if it’s not more of a biological manifestation. It seems to me that many humans seem to be biologically motivated to find another partner or partners. The driving force? I believe it is to spread the seed for men, and to find another mate for procreation for women.
After originally posting this blog, I found a current article that was published in the Scientific Journal about a study of apes who the scientists say have ‘mid-life’ crises. Check it out: http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_289563/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=NI0rLvQm
Why do people cheat? For one, we live in a society where the honest expression of one’s needs and desires are deemed unacceptable. You are viewed as a flawed human being with something inherently wrong with you if you desire more than one sexual partner. There is not much room in our societal norms to address those needs appropriately and transparently. To a large degree, it is best performed in secret, while condemning others who have been caught or staunchly defending the monogamous credo while cheating at the same time. At least it seems that way in the world of politics and religion, a venue of power DOMinated by men…no pun intended. 😉
Should we be able to override our biological urges and desires? I know that many professionals think so. Religion certainly speaks to it. Is that a realistic notion given that the biological drive is a powerful urge which simply overrides logic? I wonder about this because why would people who cheat risk everything that they have worked so hard for? I don’t see the logical sense in that. Could we as a people be set for self-destructive behavior? I don’t think so. Biologically we are driven to procreate to keep our species alive and I believe that leads us to behave outside of the morality of the day. BIO-logic is far stronger than reason logic.
I do fantasize about a more transparent existence but I also think I’m hoping for Utopia and we all know Utopia is a fictitious place. Hmmm, maybe something to incorporate into my next novel. 😉
What do you all think? Please chime in.
Warm hugs,
Blakely